RETURNING: Melissa & Joey - Still Renovating

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Is it just me, or did Ryder grow about a foot?? I liked that this episode reminded us of where we left off (the first season ended last September, so it's been a LONG time!), as I had forgotten how the house was in shambles. We're continuing to keep the kids in small bursts while focusing mainly on our childhood faves, which still works for the show. They also wasted no time reminding viewers how athletic Joey Lawrence is, not to say that I mind. ;)  I think that, overall, the first two episodes gave off a steady dose of laughs, and I look forward to seeing what else will be coming up this season. 

Melissa & Joey "I Can Manage" (S02E01): The house has been in the remodeling stage for three months now, resulting in the kitchen being two card tables and a microwave. [that's got to be rough!!] Lennox and Mel are sharing a room, as are Ryder and Joe. Mel is struggling to handle overseeing the construction and keeping up with her job, but eventually has to let Joe take over the supervision. Joe manages to get a hard-to-find sink and makes the workers stay until dark (rather than 5pm), which may improve things. But, Joe flips out over an increase in price and winds up firing the team. [haha!] He tries to take over the construction himself, but doesn't know much about varnishing floors and the family winds up having to sleep on air mattresses in the living room. [yikes! I would have expected Mel to look forward to the shopping opportunity for new clothes, tho!] Mel tries to beg Leo, the contractor, to come back by offering baked goods and begging, but it takes a check to make anything happen. Turns out, Joe also gave the guy some money, so it's no wonder that he's back to whistling while he works... $5500 richer!

Also, Lennox wrote a one-act play for the drama club. Neither Mel nor Joe actually read it, so they're surprised when they hear that the principal (who is torn apart by wolves in the play) cancels the production. Lennox tries to do it on the sly, but the principal hears and comes, and it goes well in the end! So well, in fact, that Lennox enters it into a competition and wins, completely defeating the purpose of satirizing the principal. [funny concept but too cliche to be great.]

Melissa & Joey "If You Can't Stand the Heat" (S02E02): New kitchen cabinets have arrived, but Mel hates them, despite them being exactly what she ordered. [kinda odd, but not worth quibbling over.] They get a specialty cabinet guy to come up with something else, and Mel falls for him. Joe suspects that the guy is just being charming so he's hired to do more work (the guy does suggest a design for putting an office above the garage). [hearing Joe talk about the tight shirts and muscles on the cabinet guy was funny. though I do think that this show is milking Joe's body a little much sometimes... oh, and LOVED Mel's blue dress!] The cabinet guy turns out to be a flirt all around, so don't expect him to stick around.

http://abcfamily.go.com

Non-Mel and non-Joe: Lennox joins a student council-type group at school, and suggests a free-mic period. She's largely ignored in favor of planning themed dress-up days, but she does gain the favor of one of the other boys. [a new boyfriend? that's all we get??]

Hot in Cleveland: A Soap App

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Is it just me or has this show been a little light on the comedy lately? I know that they have great guest stars to work in and all, but not at the expense of quality. I laughed only a few times throughout this episode, which was entirely self-contained (unless the lipstick shortage will make another appearance?). My favorite part was Elka's obsession with the same lip shade for 75 years, and being willing to buy a half-used tube from a man who uses it on his nipples! Maybe you have to be a soap opera fan to really enjoy this episode to the fullest, but I just found myself rolling my eyes instead of laughing when they did things like try to hide the size of the overweight man by having him carry a laundry basket... as if to hide a baby bump. Meh... what did you think?

Hot in Cleveland "What's Behind the Door?" (S03E23): It's the third anniversary of the cancellation of Victoria's soap opera, and we are treated to a snippet. Melanie wonders why the show didn't go to webisodes, so Victoria decides to try to make that happen. She doesn't get far, though, as the marketing people want it to be app instead. [seriously?] They only get the actors from the final scene, so they may have to claim that an atom bomb went off and killed everyone else. [only on a soap!] Another actress cancels, and Elka offers to fill in. [not the end of the world... I don't think.] They have larger problems, though, between actors no longer looking the same, forgetting their lines, and getting injured on-set. Plus, Elka is using a straw and refusing kissing scenes in order to conserve her lipstick - they've finally stopped making Prohibition Pink, which she had been wearing for 75 years. [eBay, anyone?] Victoria gets upset that the creator is giving up, and the creator admits that the network wanted Victoria off to focus on younger characters. She loved the character too much, so she canceled the show to keep Honor St. Raven alive. [hahaha! Creator: "I don't remember [the lines] exactly." Victoria: "that's okay, I wouldn't have said them exactly."] They finally agree that Honor St. Raven was both of them. An actor says that he uses Elka's lipcolor for his nipples, so she says he can date Joy if he gives her his final tube. He isn't interested in her after she begins talking, but Elka gets to keep the lipstick. [which is the only reason I think the lipstick issue may resurface.] 

facebook.com/hotincleveland

Teen Mom: Recap on the Girls

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I swear... if it wasn't for my DVR picking up anything "first-run" and "Teen Mom," I'd never know when random specials and updates came on about this show! I don't know why MTV doesn't advertise it more; it certainly has been a cash cow for the network! Anyway, we didn't get a whole lot of new stuff... in fact, it really just served as a reminder regarding who the four moms are on the show and what we've seen from them so far. Because of its review-like nature, I only put in some main facts and left out a lot of potential commentary because it's all been seen before, on Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant. Teen Mom returns June 12th. The one fun fact I realized through this special, by the way: Ryan, Catelynn, and Tyler all have tattoos of their children's names.

CR: Louis A Raynor

Teen Mom "Catching Up with the Girls of Teen Mom" (Special):
Maci - Maci and Ryan were a happy family when Bentley was first born. Things got harder as time went on. A year later, they have problems with Ryan's dedication to the family. Later, Maci and Bentley move to Nashville, and Ryan later fights for custody.

Catelynn - They chose adoption for their daughter because of how crazy their family lives are - they became step-siblings after dating for a couple of years. Their parents weren't thrilled with their decision, and they end up not having their daughter at their high school graduation because of them. They get engaged and see their daughter when she turns a year old. They finish high school and Butch moves in with them, but later goes to prison.

Amber - She and Gary moved in together and got engaged before Leah was born. Amber gets frustrated with how difficult it is to have a baby, faced anxiety and depression, and went on medication. Amber later physically assaults Gary. She begins preparing to take the GED. Gary proposes. Child Protective Services gets involved and Amber has to go to court.

Farrah - When Farrah got pregnant, her mom suggested adoption, especially after Farrah stopped talking to Derek, the BabyDaddy. Farrah and her mother had a power struggle over Sophia, mainly because Farrah wanted to remain a teenager, staying out late and dating and whatnot. We're reminded that Farrah's mom was charged with domestic assault. Farrah and Sophia moved out, Farrah began therapy, and she came to terms with her life. Farrah reluctantly left Sophia behind when she went to college in Florida.

16 & Pregnant: Kristina's Complicated Pregnancy

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

You know how MTV usually captions the people on their shows who are difficult to understand? Like Corey, from Teen Mom 2? Well, they really should have captioned Kristina. She's hard to understand sometimes, especially when she's crying. Her story is a bit more unlikely than most, but still has plenty of merit. Dealing with an absent father who couldn't be there if he wanted to is rough. Dealing with loss is rough. Going into pre-term labor at 30 weeks is bad, but having to stay in the hospital rather than home on bedrest is awful. Not wanting your mother around when you're in labor is something I completely recognize, but it might be a new perspective to many who watch this show. And, I would have liked to hear more of the reasoning behind delivering at 34 weeks instead of 36 (which was the original intention), as I don't know that spending three weeks in the NICU was the best thing, either. At least everything seems to be going okay in the end.

Kristina is the final teen mother in this season, so look for the wrap-ups with Dr. Drew coming soon.

16 and Pregnant "Kristina" (S04E12): Kristina, 16,  is from Dayberry, TX, near Louisiana. She lived with her mom, grandma, sister, and brother before moving in with her local aunt and her family instead. Aunt Dotty's husband is Daniel, and Daniel's brother is Todd, who is the BabyDaddy. they started dating "a year ago" and got engaged pretty quickly. [whoa. who gets engaged before they're 18??] However, they were swimming in Galveston when a riptide got both of them. Kristina was knocked unconscious but was saved by a lifeguard. Todd drowned. Her mom was on the beach when it happened, and can't seem to let it go. 

26 Weeks: Kristina's mom wants her to move back home, but she's worried about whether she'll go back to school in the fall. She also reminisces about Todd with her friend, Tressie.

28 Weeks: she wants to name the baby Lukas, as that's a name that Todd liked. Her aunt helps her paint and gets a crib and plans a shower.

29 Weeks: She's decided to get a GED, but might finish high school at the college campus instead. [but that's the last we see of this.]

September, 30 Weeks Pregnant: Kristina ignores her mother, even though they had agreed to talk about cakes. [137 people invited to the baby shower?? It's not a wedding!!] Her mom doesn't feel included. [her mom just keeps bringing up the accident! STOP!] Kristina has some pains and is worried, and it turns out that she's in early labor. A sonogram reveals that the baby is growth-restricted and there's low fluid. 14 hours later, the contractions get worse, even though they're trying to stop the labor (administering magnesium). Kristina has to stay in the hospital until her due date - over two months away. [why is she at a hospital an hour away?]

31 Weeks: it looks like she'll be in the hospital for six more weeks, and she wants to be alone, which her mother doesn't want. She also misses Todd.

September, 33 Weeks: She was supposed to have her baby shower, so a few friends come to visit her in the hospital to do her hair and makeup. They dress her up and wheel her to a conference room to have her shower. [awww!]

34 Weeks: The baby is developed enough that they stop the medication and go for a c-section. She wants to go through it alone, though her mother cries and she agrees to let her be in the room if she stays quiet and doesn't hover. Lukas Todd is born September 26th at 3lbs, 3 oz.

One Day Old: Lukas is in intensive care.

Photo by MTV

Three Days Old: They take out Kristina's staples and she goes home, but Lukas must stay in the hospital for a few weeks to continue developing. 

One Week Old: She's been driving out there to visit him everyday. [of course.]

October, 3 Weeks Old: Lukas can come home! Her aunt helps her bathe him for the first time. They co-sleep and he's getting bottles. She's denying outside help, as she wants Todd or nothing. [rough.]

November, 6 Weeks Old: Kristina sees a therapist because she doesn't know what else to do. [hope it helps.] She still feels "numb." She tries to get out of the house more. She wants to go to school like Todd would have wanted, though we don't hear what her plans are.

Pregnant in Heels: Learning & Choosing

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I'm disappointed that Jenay chose Desiree. Yes, the Children's Bible was a bit of a cop-out, and I didn't see a lot of promise in the pick-a-dress category, but you'd think that being frustrated with a child but managing to have a teachable moment in the final two minutes wouldn't be worth as much as being willing to take your child to church and knowing some basic biblical facts (like which books are known as The Gospels). Especially after Jenay and Will had talked to Rosie about what they were looking for in a godmother. The dynamics between Paula and Jay were interesting, but I was a bit bothered by how little they knew about having a baby when they were already pregnant... it makes me wonder how many people are in that situation... scary!

Pregnant in Heels "When Baby Robots Attack" (S02E03): Rosie sees a speech therapist, Lynn, who does some mouth exercises with her. Rosie is surprised when she's told that she sounds young. [really? that surprises her? has she NEVER watched her show or a tape of herself speaking?]

Client #1: Paula & Jay - five months pregnant with their first child. Paula calls Rosie because she feels that Jay isn't being supportive, but it turns out that there are much larger problems at hand. While Paula is a personal chef, Jay runs his own fitness & wellness company, and he feels that he'll never let up on his work. She feels like she's second but he claims that she's not. [I'm with her so far...] Paula doesn't know about baths, umbilical cords, car seats, or how to swaddle, and Jay doesn't know much either, so Rosie has them take an all-day baby bootcamp, where they learn diapering, burping, bathing, feeding, swaddling... but never turn off their phones. [I can't imagine letting my phone ring TWICE at an event! I'd be mortified!] That night, Rosie brings a bassinet with a robot baby for them to care for, together. [wow. after spending all day learning, this could be rough... I bet I'd want a break!] The doll needs to be fed, burped, diapered, swaddled, rocked, and put to bed, and info will be sent to Rosie so she can evaluate how they do. They only feed the baby for a few seconds before trying to move on, and the same thing happens with the burping. Jay tries to help and Paula takes over, but Rosie winds up having to step in and help. [eeek!] When the baby cries, Jay tries to take care of it, but Paula won't let him. [hmmmm...] When Rosie returns to discuss their results, they had the baby for six hours and the baby was calm for only 7 minutes. [yep, rather worrisome.] Basically, Paula and Jay suck at communication. So, Rosie brings has them do some team-building exercises, and by the time Baby Max is born, Paula has given Jay some trust, and Jay has cut working three nights a week.  

Client #2: Jenay & Will are having their first baby - he's a family law attorney and she's a criminal defense attorney. They need to pick a godmother, and it's really stressful. [may the Lord bless me with that being my biggest conundrum, lmao. but not really, I'm not worried in that department.] She's between her sister, Monique, 11 years older and a mother and teacher, and Desiree, who has been Jenay's best friend for 17 years. Jenay and Will see the godparents having a close relationship with their daughter, and will take on the caretaking role if the worst should happen. For their daughter, their priorities are that she is raised in a caring home, brought up in the church, and understands dressing well. [while I can't understand that being #3 on my list, it should make for some interesting comments.] Jenay thinks both women are equal in advice-giving, care, etc. so Rosie designs a set of challenges to help Jenay decide. [could this be Rosie's easiest job yet?] Desiree and Monique name one another weak points - Desiree says Monique is sensitive and Monique says Desiree has no patience. [mmmhmm.] There's a religion pop quiz next - Monique gets 9 correct and Desiree doesn't know any of them. [well, for a family who wants their daughter raised in the church, a godparent should probably be able to name the gospels or know that God appeared to Moses as a burning bush. [failing at naming the three gifts that the Kings brought to baby Jesus was my personal favorite. If you know some basic Christmas carols, I think you could have gotten there.] Monique asks Desiree if she'd take Jenay's daughter to church, and she says no, unless Jenay and Will pass away. [probably not a good sign. it must be annoying to hear bells in a tea room like that!]

Photo by: Andrei Jackamets/Bravo

Next, Jenay's godson is brought to play with the contenders - each gets 15 minutes to try to teach the kid something. Desiree doesn't think it's fair, as she's at a disadvantage. Everyone watches as each woman attempts... though Cuba, three, just wants to run around instead. Desiree is disappointed that Monique didn't command attention better. Desiree doesn't know what to teach him, tries a few things, then leaves the kid to brood for a few minutes before teaching him to count to three. Monique is surprised that she was beat. [I don't know that she actually was, by the way.] Rosie has the girls each try to pick a dress for Jenay's baby's dedication, and Monique wins. [this was a shortened segment for some reason...] The final challenge is to bring a gift for the baby. Monique got them a children's Bible, and Desiree thinks it's an obvious choice that only looks at one aspect of the baby's life. [not her worst comment.] Desiree chose a charm bracelet, which could be added to whenever she does something with the child. [thoughtful now, though it does get her out of thinking of gifts for a long time.] Jenay says that Desiree's gift is nice because it represents exposing their child to different cultures. It's a tie, but Jenay chooses Desiree, who says that it means the world to her. Rosie points out that Monique still gets to be the aunt, and Monique says that Desiree deserves it. ["still gets to be the aunt" ? awkward.] At the baby dedication, Baby Leila is spoiled by both.

Mummy IQ: Do you give a newborn baby a bath? When does the umbilical cord fall off? When do you switch from rear-facing to forward-facing car seats? Do you ever put the baby to sleep on its back? When do you start tummy time?

Cake Boss: Rivers & Carts on Cakes

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

It seems that every baby I know goes through a year in a flash, and apparently that holds true for the families of reality television as well; Carlo Valastro turned a year old in February already! I was shocked at how elaborate Buddy was with a cake that his son will never remember, but the dedication was cute. The dumpster cake and synchronized swimming cake in the second episode were both different, but there was nothing spectacular about the latter, so it was probably only featured because of the swimming challenge that Buddy presented. Of course, seeing Anthony and Maurizio nearly naked will likely reel in the teen girls, but the story probably didn't do anything else for the show. And this whole "Mary isn't doing her job anymore" thing has already been milked... let's hope that Buddy wraps it up quickly so that we can move on. I mean, was she anyone's favorite?

Also, there's a discrepancy on whether this is the true beginning of Season Five, or if these new episodes are #3 and #4 instead. See, the two memorable episodes in January were four months ago, but they also came two months after what was believed to be the end of Season Four. We'll stick with believing this is the start of Season Five for now, but this may change, so be aware.

Cake Boss "Fitting In, Fed Up, & a First Birthday" (S05E01): Carlo is turning 1, and Lisa wants a candy-themed party. [you know, because infants don't even eat candy. Also, Carlo was born around Valentine's Day, if that gives you a frame of reference as to when this was taped.] We see some old pictures of the others kids' first-birthday parties: Sophia's was princess-themed, Buddy Jr. was Hawaiian-themed, and Marco was bright colors/animals? Buddy envisions a Candy Mountain cake with a chocolate river, requiring some long hours to figure out the pump and flow of the river. [LOVE that cake! a pretty big monster for a one-year-old, but awesome. I want to make the trees, LoL.[ Buddy mentions that it's his final first-birthday cake for his children, so apparently they're not planning on more. 

credit: TLC

Marissa is still new to the bakery, and Buddy gives her a faux assignment - a two-tiered cake that she designs herself. It's straight, level, and has good piping, but she hasn't earned the privilege to make cakes for clients yet. [...okay.]

Mary doesn't want to work six days a week. She's almost three hours late to work one day, frustrating Grace. Mary claims that she has a life, and she doesn't even check email if she's not at work. [yeah, yeah.]

Cake Boss "Trash, Twirls, & Tough Love" (S05E02): They're doing a cake for a garbage business and Buddy wants it to be able to roll off a dumpster. Fortunately, they've taught themselves how to weld. [mmmhmmmm.] There's a lot of trial and error, but it works in the end.

They're doing a cake for a synchronized swimming team, as the founder is celebrating 30 years. Nothing outstanding about the cake, but the talk of swimming has Anthony bragging yet again. So, Buddy sets up a two-man relay race - Anthony picks Maurizio as his partner while Buddy pairs up Jay and Ralph as the competitors. [I thought it was funny that they had no say in it.] Losers have to serve cannolis outside in January in Speedos while the winners get two days off with pay. [which means this part takes place before Carlo's first birthday (February) cake, seen in an episode prior. nice prize, tho!] Anthony has a great lead with his start, but on the final leg, Ralph sprinted to a win. [haha, "can we do the Tebow?"]

Mary calls a staff meeting because she doesn't think any of "her employees" "get it." She doesn't want to come in anymore, but tells the group that they're going to get fired if they don't do their jobs. [hypocrite, much?] Buddy is concerned that Mary is a liability, and the episode ends with him sitting her down in his office for a chat. [...and we kinda see where this is going...]

Secret Life: More Rumors

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

The number of comments made about "gay genes" in this episode was disturbing. What exactly were they going for? And why would Grace, one of the most medically-minded characters, put so much faith in the genetics of sexuality? Overall, I thought that this was a ridiculous episode that will add nothing to the Secret Life canon. A bunch of rumors flying around about the Juergens clan, and Ben decides to go against his father, friends, and guidance counselor by applying to a private school for his senior year. Now, maybe Grace kissing Adrian will change something down the line, but I'm betting they're going to write that off in another episode or two, so it won't even matter. Lastly, I may be showing my age, but can someone tell me what "4SnP" is? I tried to find it online and didn't get anywhere... is it a text-speak thing the kids are using these days? 

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "4SnP" (S04E23): Now that word has spread that Anne might be gay, Amy's peers wonder if she's following in her mother's footsteps, mainly because she's not in a rush to marry Ricky. Ethan goes to ask Amy if it's true, but she thinks he's talking about Anne, so the misconception continues.

http://abcfamily.go.com

Ben is the one who fills in Amy on what's going around, and she wonders why people don't think Ricky is gay when his mother is. [good point.] Ricky thinks that Amy should either laugh it off or move up the date to dispel the rumor, but this just makes her angry. She doesn't even want to go to school, but she has a test so Ricky makes her go, warning her not to do anything stupid. [so, of course, you know that she will.]

Griffin decides to head to George's to "help him" with Amy being gay, under the ruse that he's waiting for Ashley to come home. AND, he comes bearing yet another rumor - people are saying that George turns women gay. [for crying out loud!] When the mother-daughter duo return, Anne wants to confront George immediately over the rumor that she's gay, and Ashley is excited that Amy might be gay - that frees up Ricky again. [are we actually going to start seeing Ashley on the show? and is she really going to pine for Ricky again??!?] 

Adrian is upset that nobody is talking about her, so Grace offers to spread a rumor that her mother is gay. Instead, Adrian decides to mention that she's questioned her own sexuality, and after Grace lets it slip that she has thought about Adrian sexually, Adrian begins plotting. Grace is desperate to prove her heterosexuality, so she tries to get Daniel to have sex with her, but he won't. She then asks Adrian to kiss her, but that freaks her out even more, and she moves out of Adrian's in the middle of the night. [Angelina Jolie? really??] In a last-ditch effort, Grace demands that Jack kiss her and have sex with her. [Grace, honey, chill. seriously.] Adrian, still desperate for attention, milks the situation by telling people that Grace asked her to kiss. Of course, this spreads like wildfire and Daniel is soon telling Omar the rumor. [are we really going to bring back Daniel? Seriously?]

Ben talks to the guidance counselor about transferring schools, but she doesn't support the idea. [duh.] It's $1200 just to apply, so Ben has to talk to Leo pronto. Leo basically says that Ben goes to a fine school and he won't pay $32,000/year for a private school when he already pays a ton in taxes to fund public schools. [well-said, Leo!] Dylan tells Ben to keep bugging Leo and to charge the application fee for now... and it looks like that's what he's going to do. 

In a random storyline, Leo gave Betty a decorator and an unlimited budget for her residence hall room, but Betty really just wants the same things as everyone else - like bunk beds, even though she has a private room. [does anyone else wonder if there's a contract clause over how many episodes in which Jennifer Coolidge must appear?] The decorator works with Anne, so he's taken aback with Betty's news that Amy and Anne are gay. [of course. because the adults in this universe are just as obsessed with rumors as the kids.] 

News Roundup: Late May

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Renewals, Cancellations, & Scheduling:
Oxygen has renewed Best Ink for a second season.

Disney XD has ordered a second season of Lab Rats. [haven't heard of the show? don't worry; most people haven't heard of the channel.]

Rules of Engagement, believe it or not, was renewed by CBS for a 13-episode seventh season. Look for it mid-season.

TruTV has renewed South Beach Tow for a second season.

Rather than canceling LA Complex completely, the CW has decided to air 13 new episodes over the summer, beginning in July.

Just when we thought that Pan Am was off the air, it seems that Amazon might actually pick them up again. We previously mentioned that Amazon is looking to do original sitcoms and children's programming, but I guess dramas are in their minds as well.

MTV has canceled I Just Want My Pants Back.

A&E has canceled Breakout Kings. They've also canceled Dog the Bounty Hunter. [I'm glad. Every time I hear about that show I flash back to this horrible car trip I took four or five years ago where the girl sitting next to me wouldn't shut up about that show for over an hour!]

SyFy has canceled Sanctuary.

Cake Boss is back on TLC this Monday, May 28th at 9pm ET/PT.

The National Championships of the History Bee will be televised on Friday, June 1st at 8pm on History. Al Roker will be the moderator to the 32 regional competitors.

Over on CMT, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Brides premieres Friday, June 2nd at 8pm ET/PT.

History has renewed Ice Road Truckers, with the new season beginning Sunday, June 3rd, 9pm ET/PT.

Also on Sunday, June 3rd, at have Fast Food Mania premiering at 10pm ET/PT on Discovery.

Dance Moms will return on Tuesday, June 5th at 9pm ET/PT.

Flying Wild Alaska returns to Discovery on Friday, June 8th at 10pm ET/PT.

Redneck Island, Steve Austin's reality competition series, begins Saturday, June 9th at 10pm ET/PT on CMT.

True Blood's fifth season on HBO begins Sunday, June 10th at 9pm ET/PT.

Sunday, June 17th at 9pm ET/PT is the premiere of Forensic Firsts on the Smithsonian Channel.

Disney XD's Pair of Kings will begins its third season on Monday, June 18th at 8:30pm ET/PT.

Baby Daddy, ABCFamily's new comedy, begins Wednesday, June 20th at 8:30pm ET/PT.

The Soul Man, Cedric "The Entertainer"'s new show, begins Wednesday, June 20th at 10pm ET/PT.

The Exes is returning to TVLand on Wednesday, June 20th at 10:30pm ET/PT.

Lifetime's Army Wives continues on Sunday, June 24th at 10pm ET/PT.

TVLand's Retired at 35 will return on Tuesday, June 26th at 10pm ET/PT. [yeah, I forgot that this show was still going, too.]

Disney's Gravity Falls will begin Friday, June 29th at 9:30pm ET/PT, though there will be a special preview on Friday, June 15th at 9:55pm ET/PT.

Islamic Art: Mirror of the Invisible World premieres July 6th at 9pm ET/PT on PBS.

Breaking Bad will return to AMC Sunday, July 15th at 10pm ET/PT.

AMC's Small Town Security will debut Sunday, July 15th at 10pm ET/PT.

AMC's Hell on Wheels returns Sunday, August 12th at 9pm ET/PT.

SyFy's Haven will begin its third season on Friday, September 21st at 10pm ET/PT.

Cast & Plot Updates:
Britney Spears may appear in a fall episode of Glee to be a tribute to the pop star.

After recent allegations that Raven-Symone is gay, the actress tweeted in response that it's her right to be straight or gay and to disclose whatever she wants.

Remy Gonzalez (ex-husband of Buddy's sister Lisa on Cake Boss), has been sentenced to nine years in prison for sexually assaulting a 13-year-old girl.

Amber Portwood, of 16 & Pregnant and Teen Mom, is probably going to prison for five years, as she just can't keep it together trying to complete a drug court program.

JoAnna Garcia will be the new lead on Animal Practice on NBC in the fall.

Season 2 of American Horror Story will be set in the sixties.

Shows in Development & Other Fun Stuff:
ABC is still developing a new Hulk television show, possibly for the 2013-2014 season.

YouTube's latest original content channel is HUNGRY, which goes live on July 2nd. It will feature 60-180-second how-to videos, celebrity-driven food videos, with new episodes being posted weekly. Longer format videos may come later.

Did you know that the slow-motion running on Baywatch stemmed from a lack of funding that caused them to have to fill the time slot?

Now that House is finished, Jesse Spencer (Dr. Chase) has admitted to taking his pen and his badge from the set.

Eugene J. Polley, inventor of the television remote control (in 1955), has passed away.  

Hulu has a bunch of original series coming up. Spoilers begins June 4th. Up to Speed and We Got Next begin in August.

The Middle: Rusty Gets Married

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Well, the 2011-2012 television season is pretty much over. While we still have FOX's The Simpsons airing a finale this Sunday, but Wednesday night pretty much finished off things until September. No worries, we cover plenty of "off-season" shows here at TheTalkingBox, but we're bidding farewell to the big-name shows for a few months. Stay tuned, though, as we're going to start unveiling the Fall lineups and our picks!

Now, about "The Wedding" ....I'm going to start off by saying that, even though it was a family occasion, I would have let Brick go to that party. Brick isn't a social kid, never wants to leave the house, and truly wanted to be at that end-of-the-year soiree. His uncle is a random guy and wouldn't miss Brick being there anyway, plus Brick had already RSVP'd. Axl and his friends starting their own company was fun (especially the name!), though I did want to see them succeed in the end. I thought that Frankie's snippy attitude with Sue (and Brad) was a bit much, but I can leave that alone - I'm just happy that Sue managed to stand up for herself and make sure they had a better cake to bring to the actual wedding!

The Middle "The Wedding" (S03E24): Frankie wants Axl to get a summer job, so he and his friends decide to start their own business. [not a bad idea but probably won't get them as far.] They go door-to-door to offer whatever services are needed - an elderly guy offers them $100 to remove a stump, but they quickly break a few shovels, a few axes, and spend quite a bit of time and effort trying to burn it out or pull it out with chains and a car. [wonder how out-of-commission Axl's car will be after that!]  

Brick actually wants to go to a party (where there will be a bookmobile, among other things), but it's the same day as Rusty's wedding, so Mike won't let him go. Brick decides to stop speaking to his parents, but stumbles over what his "final word" should be." [pusillanimous was a funny choice.]

Now, about that wedding... when Frankie and Mike read the invitation, they learn that it's a week away and set to be held at their house! [unbelievable!] Frankie freaks out and wants Mike to talk to Rusty about it. [Rusty's real name, by the way, is apparently Orville.] Mike tries, but he's made the Best Man and caves. Frankie begins cleaning the house and preparing to cook, delegating whatever she can to Brick, Sue, and Brad. [but, ironically, not Axl and his friends, who are currently in business to do random jobs...] Frankie meets the bride-to-be, who has been married three times before and has two teenagers. Rusty seems to think that being a father is easy, which bothers Mike. [well, yeah.] They don't have time to re-wallpaper the living room, but Frankie had the kids start peeling off the current paper so it looks disastrous. Then, when Sue and Brad go to pick up the cake, they've given the wrong one! Luckily, they figure something out, but Sue still gets in trouble for forgetting to pick up a light bulb. [that sucks. I hope that Sue was able to later explain it all and get credit.] In the end, Mike gives a nice speech about your family making your life.

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16 & Pregnant: Devon & Colin Have No Space

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

This is one of those 16 & Pregnant episodes where I really wonder just what makes these kids decide they're ready to have sex. If you have a sister just a year older than you who has a child, and you've only known a guy for a couple of months, what in the world makes you think that the two of you should copulate? Frustrating as that was, I can only imagine how cramped a house must be with 8-9 people living there! I can understand Devon not wanting Colin to deploy for any period of time, but it's good that she was gaining perspective regarding what would be best for Landon.

16 & Pregnant "Devon" (S04E11): 16 years old from Richmond, VA, Devon lives with her older brother, two older sisters, her sister's child, and several dogs. BabyDaddy Colin also lives there. He's four years older and they met when he returned from Iraq. Devon's parents are divorced but get along. [and it seems that they're counting him as "living there" even though they said he is only in town sometimes.] She suspects she got pregnant when she switched from the pill to the ring. [interesting theory.]

August, 28 Weeks: They started dating in September and found out she was pregnant in May. [they later say she was about four months along when she realized... her friends thought she was getting fat, LoL!]
September, 30 Weeks: Colin [which sounds more like "Kyle" the way the family says it.] wants to be able to provide for the baby and not live paycheck to paycheck.
September, 32 Weeks: Colin's on reserved duty for a few days. She starts her senior year, and she's not thrilled that people stare and talk. [duh.] 
September, 33 Weeks: They're running out of space in their room. [she wears some BIG earrings.] Devon doesn't want to move out and be broke, but Colin wants to have more space and privacy. [both valid points.]
October, 36 Weeks: Colin wants to buy a house. [renting an apartment isn't good enough for them?] They have a baby shower. She tells her friends she doesn't want to feel anything during the delivery.
October, 37 Weeks: Colin is at a warehouse full-time, while Devon is trying to focus on school. She's thinking of dropping out and getting a GED at home. Colin talks about re-enlisting in the military, but Devon doesn't want him to go away. [the boy is trying!]
November, 40 Weeks: She feels like she's leaking and having contractions, so she talks to her mom and then they head to the hospital. [I have that "Maroon Effect" t-shirt!] Two hours in, she's 3cm dilated, and they're going to use pitocin to get things moving. Six hours in, she trembles and is uncomfortable. Nine hours in, she cries and is only 4cm. She gets an epidural. 12 hours in, it's time to push, and Landon Levy is born November 4th at 6 lbs, 10 oz. [in three hours she dilates 6cm while on an epidural? impressive.]
November, 2 Days Old: She's in pain as they drive home. She has no problem cursing up a storm next to her newborn baby. [makes me want to cry for that new baby's ears!]
3 Days Old: Colin is going back to work the next day, so he goes to sleep and leaves Devon to care for the baby. Even when she asks him for help, he rolls over. [but it doesn't seem it's like that every night.] Devon is trying to keep up with her GED, and is lucky that her mother and sisters help.
3 Weeks Old: Devon decides that they do need to consider trying to move into a two-bedroom place. [IMO, a one-bedroom somewhere else would be an improvement.] But Colin points out that his whole paycheck will go to the house, so they won't be able to do anything else. [he's on both sides of the fence, LoL.]
December, 1 Month Old: They meet with a broker and find that their credit pre-approves them for up to $127,000. They start looking at houses and love one that's $139K. Devon also goes rollerskating with her friends.
6 Weeks Old: Colin gets laid off, so he feels like he's failing. [ha! they set this up, I totally knew as soon as he walked in the door that he had lost his job. good thing they didn't buy that house immediately, tho!]
December, 2 Months Old: [as Landon won't be two months old until January 4th, they pushed this one a little bit.] Colin's been looking for jobs for two weeks now - he's hoping for warehouses or security. He's also thinking of going to school, but then they can't get a house if that's the case. He suggests working and going to school, but she points out that he'll never be home. She asks him to do something fast, and he says that he could get deployed to get money. [if she's going to pressure him, that's where I'd turn, too.] The episode closes with Devon saying that she misses being able to just be a teenager.

Photo by MTV

Pregnant in Heels: Wimpy Men

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

What is with the men in this episode being wimps? I don't understand it - one can't stand up to his wife while the other can't stand up to his daughter. How and why did they even get pregnant for a third time with a daughter like that??!? And, as always, I don't understand folks who treat their dogs like gold... but that's another story. I thought that these two sets of clients went well in a single episode, and the fact that Rosie is pregnant makes it much easier to see the time progression she spends with each person - she is noticeably larger in some scenes (like when she takes Paul out with the baby). Still not the most exciting show, but a downer to this episode in particular is that there were no "mummy IQ" questions, which have kinda become Rosie's trademark.

Pregnant in Heels "Taming the Tiger and the Terror" (S02E02): Rosie's husband mentions that people sometimes have difficulty understanding Rosie when she speaks. Once he says that he doesn't always understand her, she begins taking it seriously. [that's gotta be rough to hear... you've been married for years and JUST find out that you're not always understood??!?]

Client #1, Eelain (& Paul): Due in four weeks. She's a perfectionist who wants to train her dog and husband. [who goes on television and admits that their husband needs "training" ???] She was raised by a TigerMom and wants the same thing - obey your parents, high academic standards, children are seen and not heard, etc. They have a French bulldog which Paul has spoiled, and Eelain is worried about the interaction between the baby and the dog. [valid.] Paul is fine being told what to do as long as it keeps the peace. [pansy.] Paul was given freedom growing up, so Rosie is concerned that his parenting philosophy is different from Eelain's. Rosie takes them for some dog training, and Paul has a difficult time not playing with the dog and rewarding him for negative behavior. [dog people are weird...] Paul also needs some experience with infants, so Rosie brings a baby and has Paul hold and feed him... but Eelain keeps barking orders instead of letting him try. [booo!!] Rosie takes Paul and the baby to drop off laundry, order bagels, and catch a cab - which requires disassembling the stroller while wearing the baby and getting the car seat in the vehicle. He forgets the coffee on the car, but otherwise manages. Because things are going okay, Rosie asks Paul about how he would want to parent, and he admits that he's worried that Tiger Parenting is too rough and will damage the child. So, Rosie brings in a few experts for a parenting debate, which puts Eelain on her guard. Paul having different opinions bothers Eelain, but she thinks twice about the potential negatives of Tiger Parenting. Later, Rosie meets Eelain's mother, who came from Shanghai to perform the Chinese tradition of confining the mother to the house for thirty days and not allowing her to bathe. [I've heard the confinement thing in other cultures, but the bathing thing?!?] The confinement isn't causing much concern, but the bathing thing bother both Eelain and Paul. Baby Alexander was born four days early, but we don't find out if Eelain put up with the confinement and bathing traditions.

(Photo by: Heidi Gutman/Bravo)

Client #2, Jessica (& Carlo): They're having their third child, but the big problem is that their six-year-old, Leah, is out of control. Two-year-old Carlo is okay. [lovely house from the outside!] They want Leah to be a little more independent and more of a helper, and to get her to stay in her room all night. They put cameras in the house so Rosie could see how things go down in their household. Leah kicks Carlo, makes a mess of her bed at night, etc. [what a terror!] Rosie suggests a bedtime routine and more discipline, so they start by removing all of Leah's playroom toys and putting them into a truck. The next step is sleep training - every time Leah gets out of bed, she's put back, regardless of how many times it takes. Rosie spends the night to make sure that the parents follow through. [I didn't realize this was necessary, but it's a good thing she did!] Leah lasts about half an hour before she gets out of bed and lays on the hallway floor. Jessica can't lift Leah, so Carlo has to put her back to bed. Ten minutes later, it happens again. Another forty minutes later, Carlo doesn't want to do it anymore - he claims that Jessica is the strong one. [pansy.] So, she goes for it, even though she can't carry her daughter. By 11:30pm, Leah has given up. The parents are shocked, but agree to follow through with it as needed. [I'm amused that they're shocked!] Then, Rosie brings three nice British girls to help Leah understand how to help with babies. She does well, so Rosie returns the toys - Leah even offers up a toy for the new baby. In the end, Rosie meets baby Anthony, and learns that Leah has been helping.

Mummy IQ: no questions this week.

Secret Life: An Independence Day Wedding?

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Two things really stand out in this episode to me. The first is how much EVERYONE texts. Now, I realize that it's much more popular amongst teenagers than those in their 20s and 30s, but I was surprised at how many of the parents were into it. [Though, I must admit, both my mother and mother-in-law both text, too, so it's taking hold!] Not only does gossip spread faster than wildfire now, but getting it out to multiple people at the same time becomes a race in a way - the quicker you can get it out, the cooler it makes you seem - you knew first! The second thing is the hashtag for this episode being #FatalDylan.The girl being bad news is no surprise at this point, but I had to pause and laugh when I saw that tag come across the screen! It's starting to make me wonder just how bad this girl is going to turn out to be...

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "The Text Best Thing" (S04E22): Ricky makes spaghetti with marinara from scratch, but Amy is upset because she's supposed to cook the following night and all she can make is spaghetti. [Amy needs to grow up - she has a toddler and can't cook ANYTHING?] Amy finally tells Ricky that she talked to Ben for an hour at the pizza place a couple of weeks ago - and Ricky doesn't care. [I'm sick of how she always wants to pull attention to whatever she wants.] She's upset that he isn't freaking out. [of course!] She suggests getting married on July 4th, but he wants to get married because she wants to, not because she isn't upset that he isn't upset. [yeah, I know.] The two text Nora and George about the wedding date, but Amy begins to wonder if the woman who gave Ricky the tomatoes really is 79 years old. When Margaret finds out, she gifts them a countdown calendar. [this seemed like a forced Margaret appearance...]


Madison tells Lauren that she needs to get laid to understand how it affects your self-esteem. [oh geez...] They decide to find a common enemy - and Amy fits the bill pretty easily. [ha!] In other friendship news, Henry texts Alice and Ben the date of the wedding (he heard it from Madison, of course), and when Ben texts back, Henry hopes that it's the start of a reconciliation. Alice invites Henry over, though she still wants to seduce him and he only wants to remain friends. They come to terms and head to Ben's, where they spend the night in the rec room with Ben and Dylan. Oh, Dylan lied to her parents, saying that she was sleeping at Mercedes' house, and her big drive this episode is to convince Ben to transfer to the private school for his senior year. Of course, all you're doing there is trading sex and pregnancy for drinking and weed, though Dylan's friends claim to have quit. [I don't believe it - do you?]

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Before everyone went to sleep, however, a few other things happened. For one, Ben taught Leo how to text, as the Sausage King was afraid to call Camille because "it's been too long," but still wanted to pass on the July 4th info to her and to Betty. [luckily, no Betty this ep!] Leo is so slow at it, though, that Camille has time to drive over between replies. [ha! people always just walk into rooms at Leo's house... I assume he has a butler answering the door all the time?] Leo still doesn't want kids and Camille does... but she doesn't want to lose him over it. [what was the point in having Ben come in and interrupt?] He doesn't want to go another 18 years, so Camille suggests they adopt a nine-year-old instead. [LoL] She then jokes that she's pregnant, and announces that she wants to sleep over. [apparently this is a first for the couple?]  

Jack wants to pick a date with Grace, in the event that they ever get married. [whoa, buddy. you're not even really dating!] He lays out a long-term plan, but she doesn't want to figure out all of that yet. Similarly, Omar wants to be Adrian's date to Ricky & Amy's wedding, but she isn't even sure if she's going to be invited. Omar also wants her to commit to him for the next year, but she'll only agree to do it for a week, then a month, then three months, etc. He's down with that. [why commit at all? be together until something happens. BAM.]

Grace catches Kathleen and George hanging out and warns her mother that George could return to Anne. George, by the way, spent the night over there and left a frantic Nora to care for Robbie. ["Kathleen makes me gay. happy." was bad.] Swearing her to secrecy, Kathleen tells Grace that Anne is gay... a secret that Grace promptly text-blasts. [that's a word, right?] The next morning, Grace is feeling guilty, and soon learns that the news has spread far and wide - even Jack's father has heard about it!

House: The End of the Doctor

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Well, it was no ER, but House sure was an interesting medical drama. I agree that it was time to wrap-up the series, but the writers could have probably used a bit more notice to get things to fall into place better. The retrospective was a very crew-oriented, making for a very different approach - I liked it. I would have liked to see some more about the patients as opposed to the character drama, but c'est la vie. The finale episode should have been two hours. While I liked the funeral only showing a bunch of one-liners, I think that everything up until the fiery beam falling on house should have been one episode, and everything after being its own episode - we could have seen more of the funeral (and found out how House was watching it), seen how House switched the dental records, and maybe a little more of what the relationship between House and Wilson will become. Still, I think the biggest mistake was putting Chase in charge of the Diagnostics Department - he had finally learned to take a step on his own, only to return two episodes later. What a shame. 

House "Swan Song": This is "a memoir by Hugh Laurie," and begins with Laurie taking Jennifer Morrison (Dr. Cameron) around the sets as they reminisce.We get some fun facts, like how just under 100 canes were lost or broken over the years. We hear about some of the original concepts behind the show - putting Dr. House in a wheelchair would have resulted in too many limitations. [could you imagine if they went with a scar? they'd need such exact makeup every time!] We're treated to plenty of clips throughout the series. [HOLY CRAP! HOW YOUNG THEY LOOK! those old-timey title cards were odd, though.] They built a lot for the show, giving thousands construction jobs. [it was cool to see parts of the hospital built in time-lapse.] All in all, House took almost 5M man-hours and 474 miles of film! [Why did they keep showing teenagers' videos? did nobody else send in one?] There's a quick thought on the parallels between House and Wilson / Holmes and Watson. Finally, Wilson and House play paintball in tuxedos hours before the sets are torn down forever.

Shots from the Wrap Party

 CR: Frank Micelotta/FOX

 CR: Frank Micelotta/FOX

House "Everybody Dies" (S08E22): House tries to get Wilson to take the fall for the vandalism... well, just enough to create reasonable doubt, anyway, but our favorite oncologist doesn't want to spend his dying days in hearings. "I don't want to lose this time with you," almost pushes Wilson into it, but he still holds fast. [good. I'd have been angry if Wilson went through with that!] A heron-addicted patient decides to take the fall, but that's not ideal, either.

House is on the ground in a room with a corpse and Kutner. The corpse is the addiction patient whom House admitted in order to try taking on several life-or-death cases, hoping to prolong his jail sentence until after Wilson's untimely demise. [not a bad plan. I totally didn't think of that. I wonder how it would work in real life?] Kutner ascertains that House is pondering suicide. Then, Kutner disappears and we see Amber, sitting with House in the burning building. House is trying to get out of the building but the floor collapses. Stacy appears, and together they imagine him with a baby, which doesn't make him any happier. He pictures himself with Dominika but then surrounded with other women, which only quashes his will to live. [odd.] Luckily, Cameron pointing out that he has suffered enough and given enough that he deserves to die pushes him to decide to live. [I might have gone with a different order of visions, but this probably worked without elongating the scenes.]

Meanwhile, as House has been missing for two nights, Foreman and Wilson decide to start looking for him. At House's apartment, they find food sitting out and learn that he stood-up a hooker. They realize that House called his psych doc, but confidentiality prevents him from being much help as Wilson and Foreman become more frantic. [I'm kinda surprised that House called him, honestly.] They decide to track down House's last patient - the heroin addict. The address he gave was fake, but when they smell smoke, they take off running toward a burning building. They arrive just in time to see a burning beam fall on House, who was nearing the doorway. [gasp! of course. television timing and all.]

In the daylight, the team is there as a body is excavated. A coroner confirms that it was House, and, at the funeral, everyone gives a one-liner, concluding with Wilson talking about House saving lives, but, in the end, he was an @$$ who mocked anyone who didn't measure up to his ideals of integrity - a bitter guy who liked making people miserable. [that is, indeed, pretty much the bottomline!] During Wilson's speech, his phone goes off... and he reads a text from House. [say whaaaa?] Wilson goes to meet the walking dead, and learns that the mastermind swapped the dental records and BOOM! he faked his own death. [didn't see that coming!] He can't go back, but is available for Wilson's final five months. As the two of them take off on motorcycles, we learn that Chase takes over the Diagnostics Department, Cameron now has a baby, and Foreman uses House's badge to prop up a wobbly office table.

Cr: Ray Mickshaw/Fox

The Simpsons: Rollercoaster Lisa

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

For a season finale The Simpsons pulled an average-to-above-average episode. A big guest star like Lady GaGa makes for a memorable episode, even if it falls below par in certain areas. "Lisa Goes Gaga" was a one-storyline episode that would be dated even without the pop star sensation. Lisa trying to promote herself online reminded me of the slambooks of yesteryear... good times! I'm fairly certain that we will stop covering this animated legend after next week - it's just losing its appeal overall for me, and I don't believe I have any IRL friends still watching. What about you? Did you like Lady GaGa making an appearance? Do you think that you'll be tuning in come September for the twenty-fourth season? 

The Simpsons "Lisa Goes Gaga: (S23E22): Opening gags: Bart coming down the beanstalk with a goose and a harp; Homer sliding off the couch when he tries to sit.

Lisa wins the "most unpopular" award at school so she starts a thread on the school discussion boards about her good qualities. [what kind of school allows such an award??] It catches on and she's invited to do things with others, right up until Bart figures out that she's been posting those comments herself. She's pretty bummed, and Homer tries to console her by asking if she wants to "honk her jazz tube?" or go see Lady GaGa in concert. [LoL on Homer's term for the saxophone, and a bigger LoL on the LadyGaga train with the heels!] The rock star singles out Lisa to ask her what's wrong, and Gaga puts together a flashmob for Lisa, but it doesn't change anything. [Ned trying to argue with Gaga's skin-bearing ways, but failing, was funny.]

© 2012 FOX BROADCASTING

Then, Gaga tries to make Marge happier, but winds up making out with her, which causes her to go be intimate with Homer in a wonderful way - "like the time Hillary won the New Hampshire Primary!" [...whoa.] Lisa eventually gets angry at Gaga, who cries tiny diamonds. [whaaaa???] Lisa putting forth anger upon Gaga frees her and helps her to think of the good things about herself. She even sings about herself! [love how Gaga taking off her dress also changed her hairstyle. oh, and as a final thought, the story being told by a back-up dancer was odd.]

Hot in Cleveland: Appearances

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

As someone who just caught Storage Wars for the first time last week, I thought that this episode of Hot in Cleveland could be pretty funny. Little did I know, this gimmick would last a measly four minutes before the focus really just turns to the antics around two of the objects found in the storage locker Victoria purchases. I think the episode's title is a misnomer, really. One one branch, we have Joy delighting in being able to bluff about her appearance until she actually meets her mystery man. On another, Victoria is dying to change her public persona, even if it means dragging the name of one of our greatest Presidents through the mud. Joy's situation doesn't work out because she's caught lying, and Victoria doesn't shed her image because her conscience gets the better of her. In one ear and out the other... I really don't see this being a lasting lesson for the ladies. Now, Elka's grand theft auto... that's a different story.

Hot in Cleveland "Storage Wars" (S03E22): The girls plan to bid on an abandoned storage unit, and Victoria is especially interested to try and find something that will put her into a positive light in the eyes of the media. See, her "Ladypants" commercial is now airing in the US and she gets recognized from the advertisement, which is not her best work. So, she jumps at the chance to buy a unit that has a painting inside, hoping it to be the work of a famous artist.

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Well, the painting ends up being nothing special, but it has an envelope on the back of it - appearing to be from President Lincoln. [haha on the slavery parallels.] Melanie and Victoria call the University to send over an expert on the subject, and Artie arrives. [someone on this show just loves that actor, eh?]  The April 16, 1862 letter mentions that Lincoln got involved with an intern of sorts, and Victoria is thrilled to have the chance to bring the story to the news. But, after realizing that "once it's out there, it's out there," Victoria pulls the Lincoln letter from the press and gives it to Artie. [...who is going to do what with it, exactly?] Victoria then decides to pitch the story as a television movie, hoping to play the role of the young intern. [haha!] 

While Victoria and Melanie are preoccupied with Lincoln's letter, Elka shows Joy how to use a CB radio. Elka is CandyCane and Joy is EnglishRose. Joy decides to lie about her appearance, then buy a waterbra to match said appearance. Joy plays with her breasts and tells her CB flirter about it, causing him to crash his truck. Upset, Joy and Elka go looking for him, and one of Elka's knitting needles pokes a hole in Joy's bra. [a little too forced comedy, I thought.] So, she stuffs her bra with a ball of yarn but he catches on immediately. [ridiculous.] Oh, and they're pulled over by the police because the Prius they've been driving belong to a car dealership - Elka has been "test-driving" it for a week. [how do you think this will play out?]

Suburgatory: Mother's Day in Chatswin

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Well, this show is off until the fall. The season finale actually left us with a cliffhanger of sorts, which is something that few sitcoms are doing this season. It's been teased a little bit throughout the season that Tessa and George have not kept up with other members of their family - particularly, her mother and grandmother. So, for the grandmother to make an appearance during the final minute of the season was an interesting move... especially as it may be Tessa's ticket out of Chatswin. We know that it really won't happen, for much the same reason that Will Smith couldn't return to Philly for long on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air... the title of the show prohibits a location change. But, Tessa's realization that she has been using Dallas in the mother role more and more was a nice touch and will likely lead to something in season two. Eden's future, however, will likely be as scattered as her current arc on the show. We may or may not be continuing with Suburgatory in the fall, so if you have any compelling reasons, lay 'em on the table!

Suburgatory "The Motherload" (S01E22): [whoa. what was with the new voice in the opening ditty?] It's Mother's Day Weekend in Chatswin, and the mothers in this area receive some very lavish treatments! Eden questions Tessa about her own mother, and after she doesn't want to talk about her, Eden gets upset and complains to George. [apparently, this woman just cannot stay out of anyone else's business.] Eden has other problems, too... she's in the mood to be intimate, but George can't get past Noah's uninformed point about endangering the baby. Plus, when she goes to her/Jill's baby shower, she's very distressed by the violent imagery in the nursery and winds up heading to the hospital. [loved Jill's dress!]

George rides with Eden while Tessa drives the car there, and once Tessa arrives, she winds up splitting off to check on Dallas, who hurt her ankle in a Mother's Day 5K. Dallas was alone because Dalia went to Israel with her father - a Mother's Day tradition for the Royce family. Dallas hallucinates Yakult talking to her, and she decides to try and become closer with her daughter.

abc.go.com

Sheila's family, meanwhile, is very focused on supporting her in the race, and she even wins. Lisa is a bit depressed, though, as the DNA results come back positive - Lisa is Sheila's daughter. Later, when the family returns home, an orchestra is there with James Ingram... which turns into an awkward moment when it's revealed that he and Sheila used to date. [whoa. so weird.] Meanwhile, Lisa finds bagged blood for the family in a freezer, and she realizes that it's Ryan who was adopted.  

Finally, Tessa isn't as perky as usual because she learned that she was not selected for the Village Voice internship. [mail carriers on segways?] It takes George a while to catch on, and the scene between the two when he broaches the topic seems strained. Tessa doesn't have time to ruminate on it, though, as she ponders whether her mother ever thinks about her, and decide that she must not.  [awww.]Tessa only cries for a few minutes, though, before seeing her mother's mother in Chatswin, which leads her to think about how this might get her out of Suburgatory.

16 & Pregnant: Sarah is Solo; Sabrina's Choice

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Two teenage girls again this week. One has the father around until the baby is born, then he splits move on to other things. The other's father doesn't commit to making things work until after the baby is born, but he comes through in the end. Unfortunately, it wrecks her homelife and relationship with her sister, so essentially, she chose her babydaddy over her sibling. Luckily, both girls have support from their mothers, though both will have to struggle to finish their high school educations. This episode also explores a tiny bit about what complications mothers might face - like pre-eclampsia, babies in the NICU, and having to be induced. Not my favorite episode, but worth watching to get those "scarier" looks at the consequences of sex before you're ready.

16 and Pregnant "Sarah" (S04E09): Sarah is 16 and lives in Chickamunga, GA, near Chattanooga. She lives with her mom and two brothers, and resents the fact that she grew up without her dad around. She and her boyfriend, Blake, have been dating on and off for five years. He dropped out of high school and works at a grocery store part-time, though he plans to get into the shrimping industry. [whose mother does their hair and makeup EVERY DAY?? speaking of her mom... she looks REALLY young... was she a teen mom, too?]

May, 34 Weeks: They think they'll make it as parents, and Blake has moved in to be there for the baby. [like the Forrest Gump reference on the boat!] Blake doesn't like the rules of the house, though, and tends to object to taking out the trash or saving $10/week for baby needs. [that's next to nothing! I can't believe that's all he was required to set aside!]

June, 35 Weeks: Blake wants to move elsewhere so he could make more money, but Sarah doesn't want him leaving when the baby is so young. [...though it's not actually born yet, so couldn't he go for a month and return?]

June, 36 Weeks: Her mom tells her that she better not move without plenty of notice. [agreed.] Blake doesn't even know where the hospital is. [oh goodness!] She plans to go back to school online when the next school year comes. Blake is supposed to help Sarah get a crib from her aunt, but he goes out with his friends instead. [this is an attitude I'll never understand... why can't you take an hour to make sure your offspring has a proper place to sleep?? Especially if it's free!] Sarah then gives him a to-do list that includes getting tape off a mirror and washing the car seat, stroller, and "bouncy thing," which she reads to him over the phone. He says that it might take a few days, but it'll get done. He tells a friend that sometimes he'd rather just pay child support than have to live around Sarah's mom. [eep!]

June, 38 Weeks: Blake still haven't picked up the crib, so Sarah's mother goes to get it. Some fighting between Blake and Sarah's mom leads Sarah to suggest that he should move if that's what he really wants to do. When he comes back the next night, he apologizes, brings her half a bag of chips, and go to the Lookout Mountain train. [I guess the chips were an inside joke? it is a cool place, I went to a wedding on Lookout Mountain.] The next week, she's only one centimeter dilated, though almost all effaced. They want to talk induction if she doesn't deliver within the week, so she and her friend try a bunch of things to get things moving, and soon she has pain and nausea. She winds up having a c-section because the baby's head was too far to the side, and on June 18th, Tinleigh Louise is born at 6 lbs, 14 oz. 

June, 3 Days Old: Sarah is in a lot of pain on the way home. Blake is now full-time at the grocery store, but it's the night shift, which only leads to him ignoring the baby crying when he's home. [things like this just break my heart. Poor Sarah just wants to catch a few winks and he won't even answer the monitor.]

July, 2 Weeks Old: Sarah says that, if she had it to do over, she wouldn't have kids. [well, when you're sixteen or seventeen years old, what do you really know about what there is to having kids?!]

July, 3 Weeks Old: she's out of savings and has no diapers, but Blake is spending his money and not giving it to her regularly, either. When Sarah's mom confronts him about his finances, he leaves, heading for a shrimping boat. He doesn't even say goodbye, coming into the house at night and retrieving his things. [that's harsh!] Sarah struggles to keep up with her schoolwork online. [is she still finishing the previous year?] He calls and they argue about his going now instead of before, and how she wanted Tinleigh to have a good relationship with her father.

July, 1 Month Old: She talks about not having time to put into anything besides motherhood. [TRUTH.]

16 and Pregnant "Sabrina" (S04E10): Sabrina is 17 from Los Angeles. Her parents split when she was young and she'd lived with her dad for ten years when she decides to move to Franklin, TN after her junior year of HS to be near her mom. Her mom, however, has her hands full with three little kids of her own, so Sabrina and her sister, Rebecca, live nearby with their grandparents. Sabrina's boyfriend, Iman, is thinking of moving to TN.

July, 33 Weeks: She wants her baby to have both parents. August 26th is her due date. As soon as they graduate, she wants to get an apartment, but her grandmother suggests that they won't have enough money to do that. Iman keeps telling her that he has no money. [we don't know what he does for a living, so perhaps it's a part-time gig at a restaurant or something?]

August, 36 Weeks: She's worried about Iman not getting there before the baby is born, and she won't be able to handle school without his help. The school has daycare, and she hopes to get a tutor, too, to stay on-track. [I guess she's laying some groundwork for making things work out...]

August, 37 Weeks: Sabrina, her mom, and her sister go shopping for baby stuff, and Sabrina mentions that she'd like to name her baby "Audrey," which her mother doesn't like. Her mom also questions Iman's surname being on the birth certificate. That's not the only strike against Iman, though, as Rebecca is concerned that Sabrina will ignore her once Iman arrives. They talk about getting an IUD after the delivery. She wants her mom and sister in the delivery room.

August, 38 Weeks: Iman calls, saying that he bought a plane ticket to leave in a week. The next morning, Sabrina's foot is swollen and she's not feeling well, so she goes to the hospital. With signs of pre-eclampsia, they decide to deliver. She receives pitocin to get things going, and five hours into labor, she gets an epidural. Thirteen hours in, she's ready to push, and Audrey Animi is born August 21st at 7lbs, 9oz. Audrey is suspected to have an infection, though, and is taken to the NICU, sending Sabrina into shock. [I don't think that Sabrina's mom was helping anything with her comments...]

One Day Old: Sabrina can go home, but Audrey is staying a few more days. Sabrina Skypes Iman, but neither seem very excited. [SO.WEIRD. why were neither gushing about their new, darling daughter?] It seems that he hasn't actually bought his ticket yet after all. [I can't believe it! such scum!]

Four Days Old: They take home Audrey and Sabrina breastfeeds. Her teachers send her work home, but it's hard for her to stay on top of it, though Rebecca helps by watching the baby for a few hours at night. Iman keeps texting that he's working on making it there.

September, 1 Month Old: The school doesn't have a spot for the baby in daycare until January, so it looks like Sabrina may need to ask her grandparents for free labor. Iman arrives by surprise, and jumps right in feeding and changing Audrey. [where did he get a Titans hoodie?] Sabrina goes to school while Rebecca stays home and unenrolls, planning to move back with her mom. [I question whether Iman had JUST arrived, as the story makes it seem, or if there was time for an incident to take place to make Rebecca want to leave...] Sabrina cries and cries, saying that the only reason she stayed in TN was to be with Rebecca, and can't believe that she left her so easily. She wants to go to cosmetology school after she graduates. Her grandparents tell her that Iman babysitting is great, but he needs to go look for a job, too. [if he does, you'll be watching the baby, gram & gramps...]

Photo By MTV

The Middle: Using Information to Your Advantage

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Not the biggest fan of this episode. I find it difficult to believe that Sue and Axl never before realized that Brick tells on them. I thought it was standard procedure that the youngest sibling rats on the others? Frankie coached Mike on that Parents' Night so intensely that it was hard to believe he didn't take it as seriously as she wanted him to. Of course, I'm also a little wary of a public school demanding that much parental involvement - couldn't you just not volunteer to help with anything? There were entire years my parents didn't go to my school - not for parent-teacher conferences, PTA meetings, awards ceremonies, anything. I thought that the most entertaining storyline took place at the car dealership - leave it to Mr. Elhert to try and sell 500 cars in 5 days during the big Indy race. I thought it was a downer that Frankie spent a good deal of her time there on the phone with Mike instead.

The Middle "The Telling" (S03E23): Frankie and Mike yell at Axl for taking their office chair on the road. The next night, Sue is in trouble for borrowing Frankie's earrings without asking. We soon learn that Frankie bribes Brick with candy in order to find out what the other kids are doing, and Mike is positively floored. That's not the only side deal going on, however - when Sue catches Axl sneaking in at 1am, she threatens to tell if he doesn't drive her and her friends (and her friends' friends) all over town for the week. [he deserved that, though, after he forced her to make him snacks and stuff! it made me laugh that Brad and Sue are still performing their skit about texting and driving!] Sue pushes it too far, however, demanding he constantly change the volume in the car and whatnot, so Axl admits to Frankie what he did so Sue no longer had anything to hold over him. [I was surprised that Axl really called Frankie and not a friend to just pretend he was turning himself in!]

Mr. Elhert has asked the salespeople to sell 500 cars in five days, leaving Frankie stuck at work and unable to attend Brick's Parents' Night. Mr. Elhert is promising rides in Indy cars and hot air balloons to get people there, but they're not actually doing too well on sales. [no surprise, haha!] Frankie lectures Mike hardcore into making sure he gets a good spot on the sign-up sheets for volunteering. As Frankie predicted, there's a mad rush to sign up, and Mike has a pencil rather than a pen, so having to sharpen it after breaking the point slows him down. Unfortunately, however, another guy erases Mike's name from the coveted "bring paper goods" sheet, and Mike decides to go back on his personal rule and tattles on him... only to wind up having to scrape the gum off desks anyway. 

(ABC/KAREN NEAL)

Pregnant in Heels: Intimacy & Quirkiness

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

It's been a while since Rosie Pope's Pregnant in Heels was on the air. If you didn't catch any of the first season, the Bravo program follows Rosie's "maternity concierge" business, where she basically attempts to solve any pregnancy-related problem you can imagine. She has people to help you decide on a baby name, be a midwife, plan a baby shower, ask someone to be a godparent, paint a maternity portrait, and more. So, each episode focuses on Rosie helping out two soon-to-be mothers, throws in a sprinkling of Rosie's own family (and her infertility), and makes sure to throw in a few "Mummy IQ" questions to quiz parents' preparedness for children. This episode had one couple who was struggling with intimacy in the third trimester (we've seen this before) and one who wasn't 100% sure what they wanted in a laboring experience. Neither really stand out in the grand scheme of things, but it's a fine comeback for the New York reality project.

Photo by: David Giesbrecht /Bravo

Pregnant in Heels "Homebirth with a Side of Placenta" (S02E01): Rosie's clothing line is selling well and she's had to hire more help with her maternity concierge business. Darrin also runs the business side now, which is probably a good thing, because they're now expecting their third child so they'll be plenty busy with lots of things! 

Client 1: Helena and Svet - a couple with LOTS of money - like they own a handful of cars including a Ferrari and a Maserati. Helena wants a more active sex life but Svet doesn't want to be intimate while Helena is pregnant. Helena struggles to swaddle a doll (though she has a nanny for her first child). Helena struggles with urine control, so Rosie suggests 200 Kegels a day. [200? higher than you normally read, I believe.] The first specialist Rosie brings in is Catherine, who talks to them about their former sex life. Then, they go to a Kama Sutra expert to work on some positions that might make Svet more comfortable. [AKA stop him from focusing on the belly.] The couple finally connects a bit, but Rosie isn't done yet. She introduces Svet to Brett, a lifestyle coach, who gives him a wardrobe makeover, works him out at the gym, and gives him a spray tan. We learn that Svet has gained weight and lost self-confidence. [poor guy seemed to be taking that hard.] Meanwhile, Rosie takes Helena for new bedroom wear... but instead of lingerie, they focus on a conservative nightgown, as Svet has previously mentioned that he fantasizes about cabins in Canada and bundling up. [to each their own, right?] Rosie sends them on a private dinner date in a great location and things heat up. At the end of the episode, Natalija is born and the couple is planning a romantic getaway to Canada.

Client 2: Christina and Fritz - first-time parents who run a conceptual art space. She's eight months pregnant and thinking about how she wants to give birth. Fritz envisions delivering unassisted in the woods, but Christina is thinking perhaps a home birth, though she'll need a midwife. They also discuss "elimination communication" as an alternative to diapering, and it's something that Fritz wants to explore more, so Rosie gives him a doll in a carrier and they go to the grocery store to run an errand. She tells him when the baby will has to "go," and if he can't handle the situation quickly enough, Rosie uses basters of "stuff" to show what a mess the newborn will make. [this whole thing messed with my mind. GROSS. at least she helped him by "saying" when the child would relieve himself! oh, and they do decide to diaper after all.] Next, Rosie brings a hypnotherapist to prepare Christina for her preferred type of pain management. Then, it's time to interview two potential midwives. Simone talks about positioning and instruments, but they choose Linda who talks about safe home births. [and there's a very odd moment when Fritz raps in Chinese.] Christina is in a lot of pain during the labor, and she spends hours in various positions, and the midwife threatens an episiotomy before baby Keats is born. The storyline ends with Rosie making a placenta smoothie for Christina, who wants to drink it to prevent post-partum depression.

Mummy IQ Questions: How do you swaddle a baby? After a second baby, how likely will it be that you'll struggle to control your urine? What percentage of home births get transferred to a hospital? (12%) What are some reasons? (breach baby, fetal distress, high blood pressure) How often a newborn baby goes to the restroom? (every ten minutes)