South Park: My Worst Enemy

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy / Cuz every now and then I kick the living sh!t out of me / The smoke alarm is going off when there's a cigarette / Still Burning

Do you remember that song? "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit. It was pretty popular in 1999, but I don't know that it was really anyone's favorite. Still, I liked it, and saw the music video dozens of times. I even saw Lit play at a local bar when I was in college. Anyway, this episode of South Park reminded me of that song. I don't want to get into a big battle with the 99% and the Occupy___ and everything else. And I'm not saying that a person has no other opponents in life, but I do believe that we are generally our own worst enemies. Cartman really demonstrates this well throughout the episode. He thought that other people were making his life miserable when it was really his own doing. Whether or not he was cognizant of the fact, he was sabotaging himself when he could have been trying to change something in a more constructive way. Do you agree?

South Park "1%" (S15E12): The school participated in the Presidential Fitness Test and they scored the lowest in the entire country... the school-wide average tanked because of Cartman's cholesterol, blood pressure, and body fat percentage. [what? when I was a kid they didn't take your blood pressure or cholesterol at school! maybe that part was just implied?] The President's Fitness Council doesn't want to single out one kid, so they say that everyone is fat, and now the different classes will have to alternate giving up recess to have extra PE sessions. [wow...]

photo courtesy: Comedy Central

Cartman starts making fun of every person climbing the rope in gym class, until Stan and Craig confront him by mentioning that they're there because of him. He claims that everyone is ganging up on him, the 1%. Cartman goes home and cries to his stuffed animals, using them to make suggestions, like that it's all Obama's fault, since he "came up" with the fitness test. [when's the last time we saw Cartman with his stuffed animals?]

The next day, Cartman claims that the majority of the school is occupying the cafeteria to figure out how to fight the system. Butters and Jimmy go to the National Standards Fitness Office and claim that it isn't fair that that they're all being screwed.... they think that the 1% should be dropped to make the average more accurate. They again hear that the system doesn't want to single anyone out, so they can't do that. [I believe the term shouldn't be "unphysically fit," it should be "physically unfit." Regardless, the guy always changing the wrong word when asked to rephrase was weird.] Cartman comes home to find that his room has been ransacked, presumably by the 99%, who took Clyde Frog. So, he holds a funeral for the stuffed animal, and all the kids in town attend, albeit half-heartedly. The kids were there because Cartman's flyer apparently promised $5... though Cartman just says that he donated that money to a made-up cause. [hahahahahaha! I was definitely wondering why they bothered to attend!]

Jimmy and Butters are now doing "Occupy Red Robin" (media-titled) since that's across the street from the office. They're claiming that the 99% are being treated unfairly. [I was kinda surprised that they weren't holding up the kind of piece-of-paper signs that have flooded the internet.] The police are all geared up, even though it's still just the two protestors. [hahaha!] The stuffed animals begin to convince Cartman that his mother had something to do with the toy's disappearance. Later, Cartman's room is on fire in the middle of the night, and the firemen think it was arson, started with a burning panda bear. [is that really something you can tell? Which toy in the room began a fire?] It starts to look like the fifth graders are behind Cartman's issues, and are starting class warfare. [this has so much potential...]

The next day, the media is now asking people IN Red Robin about protesting, though none of them are really part of it. Michael Moore has arrived and cheers on Butters and Jimmy. Butters goes to the restroom, but since he's gone for ~30 minutes, the media is saying it was a split from the cause for a different one entirely. ["movement size" was gross.] The fifth graders arrive and claim that they're the 83%. The 83% of the school that is getting screwed over by the fourth grade class. [yeah, I busted out my calculator to check the match... I'm a dork.]

Cartman and his mother go to Token's house, since Cartman uses the logic that, "in this day and age, black people are just impervious to being f*cked with." [mmmhmmm...] Kyle, Stan, and Kenny go to Token's house to let Cartman know that the fifth graders are planning something, but Cartman gets overly suspicious. He checks the entire house, finding one toy boiling on the stove, another chained over the fireplace and triggered to blow up when a wire is tripped. Turns out, Polly PrissyPants has been behind all of it... and was trying to frame Token. When "she" realizes that Token can't be blamed, she asks Cartman to kill her, and he shoots her in the head. The four kids as well as Token's parents and Cartman's mom all look on... "we told him to grow up, so he got rid of all his stuffed animals." [Yes, Cartman did rid himself of the toys. But, in the process, managed to destroy so much more. And, he was unaware that he himself was the culprit, constantly seeking to place the blame elsewhere...]

One last line to remember the episode by: "People voted for Obama and now that everything sucks they want to blame me." - Eric Cartman [haha]