Saturday, February 11, 2012

Archer - "The Limited"

by Jonathan Bredemeyer

Archer "The Limited" (S03E06): Opens with Lana and Cyril escorting a Canadian terrorist home with Mallory and Pam at a train station. Archer shows up trashed because he thought they weren't leaving until 6am the next day. After learning the terrorist's buddies are going to try and bust him out, Archer confesses he's always wanted to get into a fight on the top of a train. [Wow, so subtle at the foreshadowing... ]

On the train, Cyril is left to watch the terrorist while Archer continues drinking in the bar car with Lana. [Nova Scotian terrorists = hilarious.] Mallory complains about how small her cabin is, then moves on to trying bust into private cabins. She runs into the rest of the ISIS staff in Carol's private cars... about 5 of them. Archer [who is stoked that Carol's ocelot Baboo made the trip], Lana, and then Cyril show up while Carol is taking a bath. Lana yells at Cyril for leaving the prisoner alone. They rush back to, of course, find that he's gone while Archer makes a bad Paul Newman joke.

The 3 spies start searching all the cars: Lana and Cyril for the terrorist and Archer for "the terrorist and an ocelot, not necessarily in that order." The terror is hiding in a bathroom and thinks the ISIS spies have killed a black guy... [Begin Canadian comments about black people...]

Reconvening at the back of the train, Pam is skating around Ray while Carol is excited they might beat the record run to Canada. Carol's great grandpa was nuts for skating, "that and the Klan." The spies head off to go through the sleeping cars while Archer is covered in blood from the steak he was toting around to lure the ocelot. Cyril heads into the bathroom where he promptly get knocked out and disarmed. [not by the ocelot, the terrorist...keep up]

After Archer doesn't understand why Americans on a train have to stop going INTO Canada. He also thinks the Canadian mounted police are fake, so they pull guns on them. This backfires, literally. Just then, another set of Canadian police come in, face the first set, and commerce arguing. Before anyone can shoot, the ocelot runs in and sprays the group. It runs out and Archer pulls out a grenade (NOT a smoke grenade)...

The grenade levels everyone in the car except the super-spies while Carol demands the train get moving so she can beat the record. The Canadian terrorist bursts in, calls Archer a racist, shoots him in the arm, then runs off. Lana and Archer run past a stupid Cyril in the hallway and find the terrorist trying to take one of the ISIS staff hostage. None of them will join him, though.  After some shooting, the terrorist and Archer end up on the top of the train. After way too much effort, Archer gets to explain that he didn't kill the black guy earlier and the blood on his shirt is from a steak. Then, BOTH sets of Canadian police end up in the room, on either side of Archer and the terrorist. Then the ocelot appears and starts running around, drawing fire from both groups of police. [so Canadian Police always shoot other Canadian Police before the bad guys... unless there's an innocent, cat-like animal nearby...]

Lana pulls the emergency brake, sending everyone flying. Archer grabs the side of the train and the ocelot, which bites him. The police ban the ISIS crew from Canada, arrest the terrorist, and arrest Archer with the ocelot for illegally importing it. [I don't care, Baboo MADE the episode... you know I'm right...]

Memorable line: Canadian Terrorist: "I can tell you never played much hockey. Probably too busy running around shooting black guys." [Is this why there's no black people in Canada? True question...]
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