Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Top 7 Worst Female Middle Names

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

As promised, as a follow-up to the worst male middle names, here we go with the ladies... unfortunately, I was unable to come up with more than seven truly bad middle names. I'd love to know others if you are aware of them!

7. Dharma Freedom Finklestein (Dharma & Greg). A strange name overall, that's for sure. The reason it's the least embarrassing is that Dharma actually isn't that bothered by it. Growing up with hippie parents, you have to expect things like this, I guess. (although Family Ties had hippie parents and they didn't give crazy names...)

6. Jacqueline Beulah Burkhart (That 70s Show). Jackie gets pisssssed whenever her middle name is said. And for a spoiled little rich girl, "Beulah" is a doozy.

5. Calliope Iphigenia Torres (Grey's Anatomy). Well, it's clear that her parents loved the Greeks, that's for sure! At least "Calliope" can be shortened to something cute, like "Callie." :)

4. Hayley Dream-Smasher Smith (American Dad!). Well, when you're born on safari because your dad thinks pregnant mom can travel against the doctor's wishes, and you take up your dad's free time, it's easy to see how your middle name becomes "Dream-Smasher."

3. Robin Charles Scherbatsky, Jr. (How I Met Your Mother). Ouchies. Yes, Robin's Canadian, and that's often the butt of the jokes about her, but this one simply comes from her father wishing for a boy. And while fans of the show enjoy poking fun at her stage-name "Robin Sparkles," it makes sense... how would you sell a song about going to the mall when you're a boy?

2. Cate Stinky Hennessy (8 Simple Rules [for Dating my Teenage Daughter]). Again, the fault of a father. While Cate tries hard to pretend that the "S" initial stands for "Stacy," her namesake is a friend that her father accidentally stabbed in Korea. Regardless, "Stinky" is a crappy name to be stuck with.

1. Cleopatra Dirtbike Funnie (Doug). Three names, none of which are fabulous. Now, let's remember that many characters on this show have strange names... Douglas Yancey Funnie, Judith Anastasia Funnie, Theda Opal Funnie, Mosquito Valentine, Tippingdale Dink, Chalky Studebaker, Al and Moo Sleech, and Patti Mayonnaise are just some of the more major characters with tragically funny names. But "Cleopatra" and "Dirtbike" ???? yikes. Oh, and the manner in which she receives this name is also amusing... long story short, Doug is making a Christmas list, claims it's a list of possible baby names, older sister Judy snatches it and reads it aloud, then mocks the "Dirtbike" suggestion by giving overly-theatrical ideas, like "Cleopatra."
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Anonymous said...

Callie from Grey's married George O'Malley on the show for a short time and then they split up. Torres is actually her maiden name, which she went back to after the divorce.


Amy K. Bredemeyer said...

dang. figured that's what I get for never watching the show before. thanks, I'll fix the post. :)

are you still doing your television blog?