by Jonathan Bredemeyer
'Bloodlines' blows open in Costa Rica with Michael chasing someone on dirt bikes. He starts in on a lesson about chasing an opponent, but it turns out to be Fiona... and it trails off. Government-types show up to tell Michael he has a phone call... [very Mission Impossible-ish]. Changing scenes back to a Nuclear Tech conference in Miami, Max (Michael's agency contact) meets him in a bar. [is it ever NOT a bar in Miami? ...I don't drink enough to qualify for government work...] Michael's new job is to babysit a British nuclear genius called Huxley who is supposedly targeted for his secrets.
Fi and Michael trek off to look at condos on the beach, but get interrupted with a call from Jesse (don't forget he's in the private security biz now... but still dresses like an Armani spy model... whatever that is). He pitches a job framed with 'life & death', so of course Michael can't refuse.
The job in a nutshell: human tracking of young women. Michael claims to be busy, but Fi and Sam are in and meet with an Asian woman for the sob... err... situation briefing. Jessie tracks a phone and gets a location on a potential dirt bag. Back on the babysitting: "...You have to give yourself a plausible reason to be near your target." [Michael's new advice about protection detail almost sounds like a strategy for a singles bar.] As he chats up the British genius, the concept of marriage gets dragged through the mud and Michael scares off a few girls the Brit somehow attracted.
Back to the real work, Fi, Sam, and Jessie stalk the potential bad guy at a pool [Thank God we're back in Miami]. He runs, they grab him, but there's definitely a girl in the background recording it on her phone... Michael is brought in for the interrogation as the boss of the group. Michael doesn't know what Frogger is... somehow... and fights the idea of his mom playing a role as the bad guy's nurse (and sporting a new hairdo). There's a pretty traumatic moment where Michael verbally lights up his mom to get her in character before sending her in to 'treat' the hurt bad guy. Michael comes in to present the threats, but apparently the bad guy is a bit psycho and claims he cut off his own finger to punish himself. Michael and his mom reconvene outside and she reveals that apparently Michael's yelling reminds her of his dad, which affects him some.
Michael recruits Fi to get felt up by the Brit, which she pulls off quite well. After a partial re-creation of the opening scene of Basic Instinct 2, Fi scares the crap outta him with some blind driving at 130 mph.
Michael's old client Sugar shows up to give Michael some drugs for their captive, and he and Sam send his mom in to give it. The bad guy seemingly convinces her to help him and in return he would help her escape too. Michael tries to send his mom home, but she accurately points out she's the one the bad guy is actually trusting at this point.
As Sam preps Michael's mom for Michael pretending to come after her, she also reveals she's been hit before [Michael's dad seems to have been quite a guy...]. The scene goes off mildly well, but both characters were obviously affected. The plan works and Sam heads off to get Jesse to meet the bad guy's friends.
"Oftentimes the solution to a problem is convincing someone to behave like a better human being, but it may take more than a stern lecture," like going insane (Michael's lesson acted out by Fi). Phase back to Fi pretending to be a crazy psycho trying to convince the Brit to leave his wife. He is so traumatized that he locks himself in a bathroom to get away from Fi and calls his wife to check-in.
Back to the real danger, Sam and Jesse are with the client at the bad guy meet. Sam's inside, using a high powered mic to send audio out to Jessie and the client for translation. Sam gets mad and tries to tail them, using Michael's advice to have a good reason. Sam pretends to be running after them because of a left behind watch, which the bad guy takes and thanks him for, but as he grabs it, he is clearly already wearing a gold watch. [Sam should have noticed this and called him out... that's a pretty large detail for his character to miss...] The screw-up puts a 2-hour time limit for their captive to check-in with his buddies...
Back at the [awesome] ocean-front holding cell, Michael and his mom get into a shouting match over their last option: fake an escape and then go after the pair of them. "You can play your father in there, but not out here." She finally confirms what a nice guy it takes to make the world's most effective spy... Madeline and the bad buy get away as Jessie and Fi play chicken in his porch and then follow them. Fi convinces him to back off and let her tell them via a 'conferenced' cell phone.
Madeline sells the situation amazing well [although it gets a bit intimate with all the staring directly into each other's eyes for a bit too long] and then lights up a cig after she gets him to reveal the location of the girls, which is a bit cocky.
Michael waltzes in since he has the password and rescues the girls with the rest of the team. Madeline gives Michael some of Jesse's 'discretionary' reward money to fix up the Charger [seriously, bring the Charger back now...].
Max shows back up to discuss Michael's babysitting assignment. He doesn't approve of Fi's involvement, but gives him a jazz CD...
Intimately, Michael asks Fi to move in, and even clears a shelf for her... snow globes??
[Better, but without a single explosion... guess we're living off the 2 bombs from last week's premiere...]
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