Charlie Sheen Says...

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Yeah, I know there are more than a handful of websites out there that are now dedicated to talking about the craziness of Charlie Sheen, but I still couldn't help but collect a few of my own favorite quotes. Not that I think he's going to stop saying memorable bits (personally, I've taken to calling him The Bacchanalian Bad-A$$), but I hope that the worst is now behind him. :-/


"I've spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold."

"Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there's no manual, no training course."


"I try to be known more for my work than for anything else."


"There have to be more important things going on in the world than my past." (true story!)


"I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

"... I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs."

"They're (porn stars) the best at what they do and I'm the best at what I do. And together it's like, it's on."

"They'll (his daughters) wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his b!chin'-ness."

"First of all, come Wednesday morning they're gonna rename it Charlie Bros. and not Warner Bros." (didn't happen)

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total b!itchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain."

"I don’t think people are ready for the message I’m delivering."

“I've never attempted to figure that out, but if you want me to take a wild guess, I'll say 5,000." (number of women he has slept with)

"Bi-polar? The Earth is bi-polar."

"Bring me a challenge. Somebody."

"I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself."


"I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and b!tchin’."

"Resentments ... are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber."

"Did you say Cancun or caboose? I don't know, I was in a blackout, man."

"I don’t understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of."

"It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Lodge because now I can take all of the bazillions, never have to look at what'shisc0ck (Chuck Lorre) again and I never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension."

What about you? Any favorite Charlie Sheen quotes?