Ned & Edna; House AWOL; Slash as Santa

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Reviews & Commentaries for "scripted" shows this week include: Simpsons, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, House, The Middle, and South Park.

Sunday:

The Simpsons "The Ned-Liest Catch" (S22E22): Opened with Princess Penelope flying across the sky. [cute.] Cut the rest of the opening [odd] and right into the school pep rally. [The mascot is the puma?] Lisa has a speech, "I have a Team." Bart retracts the bleachers so everyone runs around the floor. Bart's teacher hits him, twice. The state disciplinary ruling isn't for 57 years, so Edna has to go to a rubber room holding facility to receive a paycheck. [reminds me of Waiting for Superman hardcore.] Bart goes to see Edna, leaves a dummy of her, and helps her escape. She falls and Flanders catches her. [and why would he be in that alley?] They go to lunch and hit it off. Flanders helps "refenestrate" Edna. [love it when we see plays on "defenestration"!!] Edna and Flanders continue seeing each other. Flanders tells Edna that he doesn't want to have premarital sex, so they just make out. Ned calls his tank top a "wife-blesser" [haha! I had also forgotten how built Ned is, LoL.] The music teacher drives a Smart car. [LoL.] Santa's Little Helper refuses to eat Bart's math worksheet. [pretty comical.] Homer calls the couple "Teachy and Preachy." [haha. but what are "secret Christian underpants" ??] Bart goes to tell Rod and Todd that stepmoms are wicked, but it doesn't work. Edna finds out at Moe's that many of the local men have been with Edna. ["discreet in tweets, brutal in blogs" was a good line from the Comic Book Guy.] Ned forgives Edna for being with a lot of men, and she takes it personally, saying that she's proud she dated them, not ashamed. We end with Marge and Homer asking the viewers to go online and vote for what should happen to the Nedna relationship, as I mentioned Tuesday. [I voted NO, seen to the right.]
[Season Finale]

Monday:

House, M.D. "Moving On" (S07E22): We open with an ambulance in the street, Wilson around, Cuddy sitting on the curb, upset. It's a domestic situation, and Cuddy wants to file charges against House, and a restraining order. [I've got goosebumps.] Flash to three days earlier... a performance art piece where there's a bunch of instruments onstage and people are invited to use them and do whatever they want to the artist. Someone douses her in paint thinner and lights a match, and the assistant steps in and stops the guy. It's the same day as the last episode, as House has freshly had surgery. Thirteen likes the performance artist's work. Creepy guy comes up to Cuddy in the coffee shop. House wants the relationship between he and Cuddy to go back to the way it was pre-dating. House claims he's making changes, going to stop doing stupid things. Back with the patient, it's believed to be carbon monoxide poisoning from a space heater. Luka, the assistant, may have some symptoms as well. When his wife calls, Taub's phone rings with "The Pina Colada Song." [what?? weird.] Turns out, Cuddy's sister tried to set her up with the creepy guy. Turns out, there's a nanny-cam in a stuffed elephant in the patient's room. [people are weird.] There's a "Housecall" commercial thing. [don't like Thirteen's headband!] House and Foreman make a bet on the problem, House wins. Since House fled the ICU to watch the tests, he wasn't there when Cuddy came with what looked like lunch. [House's hair is getting much greyer. And is he still married?] Cuddy tries to talk to House back in the ICU, but it doesn't work... he proposes lunch the next day. Foreman discovers that the Performance Artist had been researching House. [how cool would it be to be "the world's best" something?!?!?] Back in present time, Wilson has an arm injury, and suggests that the cops will find House in a bar. Back in the past, the Performance Artist has a real illness that apparently brings pain, and suggests that House is intrigued by her case. He is, and he brings the team back to the ICU to brainstorm. Taub's wife never wanted kids. [always makes me sad when I hear that.] Luka and the Performance Artist were together a while back (like a year ago) but now they're not. House suggests that they only need to consider fatal diseases. Turns out, it's brain cancer. She had a couple of rounds of radiation that didn't help. Wilson shows up to House's bed and claims that he's forging prescriptions from Wilson's pad. [bad House!] House claims he's trying to stop being self-destructive. Wilson now has to give verbal authorization for his prescriptions to be refilled, which will be more work, but safer for him when felonies are involved! House signs himself out of the hospital, but goes to check on the patient again. She claims she has eczema, he says it's not. And, it's not cancer. It's all from something else. [figures!] Cuddy and House are having lunch in the hospital cafeteria. He asks if she's dating anyone, she says nobody since him. She brings up his leg, he gives a lot of reasons for why he acted as he did, he leaves. She goes after him, he pulls a stitch in his leg, and he admits that he feels hurt. [well, yeah...] She apologizes, he says it's not her fault, end scene. Cuddy goes to meet the creepy guy again. Taub's wife shows up at the hospital and announces that she's pregnant. [my husband guessed that's why she kept calling, though I thought that was last week's pregnancy.] House tells the Performance Artist not to trust Luka, he'll leave her again. Wilson goes to House's place, asks him to come out, and House agrees, but wants to drop off Cuddy's brush on the way (the last item of hers still at his place). House walks up to Cuddy's and sees her entertaining the creepy guy, plus her sister and a guy with her sister. He walks back to the car, tells Wilson to get out, and speeds off (not wearing a seat belt). [and yes, I care about fictional characters breaking the law, LoL!] He u-turns down the street, speeds back, and rams Cuddy's house. It looks like nobody was really hurt inside, House gives her the brush, and then he walks out. Wilson is holding his arm as House walks down the sidewalk. We then see him at the beach someplace. [water looks Caribbean. we see palm trees.] Episode ends there. [I was so shocked my fingers paused above the keys mid-sentence, LoL.]
[Season Finale]

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "Round II" (S03E23): It's first thing in the morning and Ricky shows up at Amy's to ask about Ben being there the night before (aka last week's episode). Amy says it was a blur. George comes in and says that he went to Leo about what Ben said. Ricky still wants to know what Ben said, and George tells him that Ben accused Amy of faking feelings for Ricky so that her baby with him is justified. George also tells Ricky that Leo feels that Amy ruined Ben's life. [wow. THAT was a soap opera sentence!] Ricky is surprised that Leo would say that. Ricky goes to Leo's office and the secretary recognizes him - there's a photo of Ben and Ricky on Leo's desk. [I just started watching The New Adventures of Old Christine so it was cool to see one of the moms (Marley) as Leo's secretary.] Leo also has a photo of Ricky and John in his office. [that's interesting... why?] Turns out, Leo was just hiding in his office. He's embarrassed for saying stupid things. Leo's had the same secretary for 25 years. George tries to get Ashley to walk Moose as part of her PE homeschool requirement. [It seems that they're forcing Ashley's British accent at this point!] Ashley stole Amy's English book, but George makes her give it back. Madison and Lauren are planning to go to Adrian's shower now. Amy calls Grace, who's still at home. Grace is upset, and Grant's father shows up [looking much more spry than before], telling her that she needs to calm down. Adrian is pissed at Amy, and tells Grace that she wants to have the shower just the two of them, and that they'll eat $200 worth of food, since that's what Amy deposited (of George's money). Amy goes to apologize to Adrian, but Adrian doesn't want an apology. Amy admits that she's failing English because she's overwhelmed and doesn't have time to do homework between school and work and stuff. [this kinda came out of nowhere. why haven't we seen some signs of this before?] Students are crowding around as Adrian tells Amy that she hates her life because she's going to be a teen mother just like her own mother was. [are there any teachers in this school?? Nobody ever clears the halls. ever.] Grant's dad calling Grace "Cookie" catches on with Adrian. The bell rings, Ben shows up and apologizes to Amy and Grace. Ben tells Amy that everyone wants Ricky and she got him, so be happy. Ricky shows up (he had watched the whole thing from afar), calls all of them idiots, and says that he's not a "bad boy" but he's just "damaged goods," and is spending half of his life trying to get over being sexually abused. [intense moment.] Toby tells Ashley that he's had sex with two girls before and it was bad, so he wants to have sex with Ashley so he has more of a "normal" sexual experience. [bad line.] She turns him down, but as soon as he tells her that she's prettier than Amy, she teases him by saying that she would have sex with him. [I'm getting kinda bored with Ashley.] It's a joke. Henry and Alice skipped school and had sex all day because Alice was upset at what Ben said. [these two are going to be next with the pregnancy scare, I'm tellin' ya!] Ben apologizes to Alice, who apologizes back. Grant and Grace make up. Leo goes to Amy's to talk to George, then to Amy. Leo apologizes to Amy about the "she ruined Ben's life" thing, even though she hadn't heard that yet. Grace bakes cookies for Jack and Tom (perhaps she baked them for Grant but he wasn't hungry). Grace apologizes to Tom. Jack apologizes to Grace. Anne shows up to drop off Robbie and invites Ashley to spend a few days with her. Ashley agrees and texts Toby. Ben and Adrian make up, Ricky and Amy make up, and we end with Adrian and Grace having lunch in an empty restaurant. [I'm not enjoying Adrian's makeup.] Adrian STILL has not booked a photographer for the wedding!! Amy, Madison, Lauren, Alice [whose face looked fat], Marsha (Adrian's lab partner from the year before), Lisa (sat with Adrian at lunch once), and Debbie (Adrian gave her relationship advice in the bathroom once) show up, along with some other girls. Amy and Grace have to explain who most of the people are to Adrian. [how shallow is this girl? I can understand not remembering a girl you sat with once, but your lab partner?? come on!]
[2 hour wedding next week! AND, I spoke with the actors who play Ben and Adrian, so a big SPOILER POST is coming in a few days!!]  

Wednesday:
The Middle "Back to Summer" (S02E24):  We start off four days until the kids are out of school. [they're still wearing three layers?] Sue is to receive the Perfect Attendance award, but apparently October 13th shows her as absent in the system. [good thing she double-checked their records!] Brick is missing a journal assignment that may keep him in the third grade for another year. Axl didn't do his community service and will have to do summer school unless he can get 30 hours by Friday. Brick has three days to make up a daily journal for the entire year. [if he was supposed to be doing it the entire year, why wasn't it collected at any point to grade progress? and if it was that big of an assignment, why weren't the parents aware??] Brick's journal reveals that Sue wore red on October 13th, and she figured out she must have gone to the orthodontist that day (she wears red to hide gum bleeds), so she gets a note from the orthodontist. But that doesn't work, since it doesn't prove she went to school. [I love how nobody working at the school recognizes Sue, haha.] Sue goes to the nurse to try and get her to recall that day, but she doesn't, so she goes to the band teacher (she retrieved a purse for another student), who remembers someone interrupting a taped performance. He gets the tape and Sue proves that she was at school that day, since the tape was dated. Axl has the kids he's volunteering with put together meals for the elderly to get double hours. [hahaha!] Mike puts an end to that. Mike and Frankie start writing April for Brick. [mixed message - they won't let Axl cheat but they help Brick cheat?!?] Mike and Axl run out of gas delivering meals. Frankie dashes in to turn in Brick's assignment, and the teacher wants to look through it while she's there, so she can't run out as planned. The teacher notices his handwriting not improving. [good eye, but I guess teachers know to look for that, haha.] Brick admits the truth in the end entry, and Frankie freaks out. The teacher says that she loves Brick, but wouldn't want to deal with Frankie again for a million bucks, so he's promoted. [LoL!] Mike and Axl are running the final packages to the houses, and Frankie drives by to pick them up on the way to Sue's Junior High graduation. They say Sue's name wrong (Barb Heckey?) for the perfect attendance award and she laughs. [(amusing) season finale.]  

South Park "Crack Baby Athletic Association" (S15E05): Starting out with Stan and Kyle watching Terrence and Phillip. They see a commercial to save crack babies. [Nice crack at Sarah McLachlan's short-lived popularity.] Kyle decides to volunteer at the hospital crack baby ward, where he runs into Cartman, who has been volunteering there two weeks already. [and I'm just as suspicious as Kyle!] Cartman leaves, goes outside to see Butters, then goes off with a third boy, with Kyle following them. Cartman wants to start crack baby basketball (put a ball with crack in it between two babies and record them fighting for it), and asks Kyle to do the bookkeeping. They film it and put it online. They made $1,000 in eleven days. Cartman became a big name at the local Denny's and they're even having champagne at their reserved table. [hahahahaha, Denny's being the hoppin' place was funny.] Promotion for Denny's Baconalia special. They ride in a chauffeured car of sorts, EA Sports is offering them $100K for the video game rights, and they're hanging out at a karaoke club to boot. Plus, it's charitable so it's tax-free. Kyle tells Stan about it, who isn't impressed. Cartman and Butters visit a pregnant crack addict to recruit her future child. [holy mackerel!] She wouldn't actually be paid in money, but they do pay in crack. [um, jaw to the floor!] Kyle is still trying to reason out what he's doing, and Stan tells him that he sounds like Cartman, which he first denies and then realizes. They're trying to get Slash to play at halftime during a big upcoming game. The official CBAA Rules: 1) All income is non-profit. 2) Safety will always come first. [funny, since it's not listed as first, haha] 3) Crack Babies cannot receive compensation of any kind. 4) All company decisions are by vote. 5) The league may sell advertising. [bolded because they're funny.] They have a hot tub of KFC gravy in the office. Tons of McDonald's fries hanging around... semi-making poutine. Kyle worries about slavery, so Cartman dresses up and goes to see someone at UC-Boulder about the "slave trade." Turns out, Cartman is talking about student-athletes and how the university gets away with not paying them. Kyle is still talking to Stan, trying to reason out what he's doing. Slash is playing at too many places for the other company workers to track him down. Kyle suggests to Cartman that 30% of the money from the EA Sports deal be used to build an orphanage for the crack babies. [Kyle's too cute sometimes.] "it's like moral Teflon" is Cartman's reaction, since they're essentially giving their "student-athletes" a place to live and grow for a few years. [haha.] The other members of the company go to the post office to see where Slash's fan mail goes. [not sure why the kids think that the post office will share that information...] One of the postmen goes to tell the kids that Slash is made up and the other says not to... turns out that he is. [hahahahaha.] Reference to the Miracle on 34th Street scene where the Dutch girl sits on Santa's lap and they sing in Dutch together. [props to JBTec for remembering those 40 seconds of a movie he saw fifteen years ago, LoL. If you want to see the scene and the translation of the original, it's about halfway down this page.] Stan apparently knew that Slash wasn't real, but everyone else is shocked to the core that parents pretend to be Slash. [so many good Santa jokes at this point!] The kids get screwed in the EA Sports deal and get nothing. [haha.] The end is another homage to Miracle on 34th Street where the babies get an orphanage, courtesy of Slash. 

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Off season/Coming Up:
Switched at Birth (Monday, June 6th at 9pm)
Hot in Cleveland (June 15th picks us up at Season 2, Episode 11)
Futurama (Season 6, episode 14 on June 23rd)

Melissa & Joey (season 2 starts June 29th, 8pm)
How I Met Your Mother (Season 7 in September)
Terra Nova (premiering in September)  
Mr. Sunshine (Canceled. we saw nine episodes.) 
The Paul Reiser Show (Canceled. we saw two episodes.)