Monday, January 30, 2012

Archer - "El Contador"

by Jonathan Bredemeyer

Issues, issues... ISIS was more fun before the government budget cuts...

Archer "El Contador" (S03E05): Opening in a meeting with the ISIS staff about not having enough agents, Mallory promotes Cyril to a field agent. After some great Stargate references and talk of a dead hooker, Ray is demoted and leaves in his electric wheelchair. The new mission is competing as bounty hunters, since the government's budget is gone. The bounty is a drug dealer hiding in a jungle, which excites Cyril. Mallory also orders Pam to give everyone drug tests... ironic since she is currently smoking a joint and pretending to be beat-boxing (versus last week's freestyling?) over the phone to cover her coughing.

Pam, Cheryl, and Ray are discussing their various levels of screwed by the upcoming drug test when Krieger walks up with a panacea to remove all traces of any drug from their systems.  Everyone coughs up $100 each to take it, and choke down the drug-masking cure in tea form, hating it in every physical sense possible. Well, the cure turns out to be a clinical trial of his drug, and he watches his three coworkers hallucinate and destroy a bathroom. The next morning, it turns out two of guinea pigs have spent the night in the bathroom, but Pam is AWOL.

The mission begins on the jungle floor with Archer and Lana dressed in their usual agent black, but Cyril looks like Indiana Jones, or "the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt," in Archer's opinion. Cyril reviews the dossier of the drug dealers as Lana and Archer remove claymore mines. As Archer attempts to explain some 'agenting' techniques about being in a hostile environment, Cyril disappears. Proceeding on with the mission to capture or kill the drug dealer Calzado, Archer hears a tiger and gets them captured... but not before betting Lana that he heard a tiger, since she claims there are no tigers in South America.

Lana and Archer come face to face with Calzado, who offers them $2 million to go away. Archer jumps at this, but, of course, it's a joke. Calzado then introduces El Contador, the account who wouldn't like it if Calzado wasted money paying off bounty hunters. El Contador turns out to be Cyril.

In the drug dealer's prison, Lana and Archer find them next to a tiger...  Cyril shows up and explains how he fell off the trail and then bluffed his way into being Calzado's accountant. Calzado interrupts to explain that tomorrow morning, bored from hunting animals (which he proves by shooting a Bengal tiger on the spot), he'll be hunting the most dangerous game in the world: Lana and Archer. Lana expects Archer to ask for sex, but apparently seeing a tiger get murdered turns him off.

The next morning, in the jungle, Cyril and Lana meet up and strategize to meet up with Archer before Calzado gets him. In the meantime, Archer is suckered into a trap by a bottle of tequila. Calzado shows up to 'gut him like a fish,' and Cyril and Lana get the drop on him. Cyril tries giving Lana orders, but she lets Calzado beat him up first.

At the ISIS office, Mallory can't collect the reward from the DEA because the trio didn't get a receipt from them when they dropped off Calzado. Pam runs by in her underwear with Krieger following with a tranquilizer gun. Ray electrically wheels in wearing underwear and carrying a naked Cheryl (wearing a cardboard tube top) who places the urine samples on Mallory's desk before threatening to burn down the building if anything comes of the drug tests. Archer has time to express his excitement over meeting a tiger... before watching it be murdered.

Memorable Lines from the Episode
Cheryl: "Oh God, it tastes worse that it smells."
Pam: "If I had a nickle for every time I've heard that... I'd have 8 nickles."

Calzado: "...hunt the most dangerous game in the world."
Archer: "Jai Alai?"
Share to Facebook Share to Twitter Email This Pin This

No comments: