Archer - "Crossing Over"

by Jonathan Bredemeyer

Sorry, guys. Playing catch up with the past couple episodes so these are going to fly!

Archer "Crossing Over" (S03E10):

From the Diary of Archer Sterling...

Holy Bloody Mary. So I was so hungover I barely remember hitting on a crying widow at a wake, then chugging out of a Jager machine, then hanging out at a strip club with Pam there. [somehow not awkward... hm...] Thankfully, the stripper ended up being the best sex I've had [or at least can remember at the moment] except Milhouse waited to tell me she was still in the bathroom, but when I finally checked it was Pam which made me pass out dead away.

cr: FX

After cabbing it to the office together, I was explaining how Pam should never tell anyone when it was just too much and we had to do it in the elevator... but luckily no one was waiting at the top so I could get to Mother's office and listen to her babble about my potential biological father, who's a Russian KGB agent and now might want to defect, etc. Lana's here too, and Mother is still shagging Burt Reynolds who we never see for some reason, probably because he IS ashamed of you, Mother! Sorry. Pam stuck her head in the door so I had to drag her into the bathroom and explain my shame issue again and how she can't tell anyone we had sex (again), while in the meantime Barry [the insane commie robot dude? yeah, he's still around...] was reassigning my potential father to Siberia, but apparently he's coming here instead since Mother is insisting I go prep the safe house...

So, Barry discovers Dad [called 'Jackoff' by the way...] has flown the coup and come to New York where he's staying in the safe house with Mother, and NOT me... who's having sex with Pam, the chupacabra of dicks, but I finally do show up at the safe house only to get cried on by my potential dad... gross. The rest of the team gets to watch Cyril accidentally kill the sleeper agent, who leaks that Barry is now the leader of the KGB and is on his way to kill us. But, not before I get plastered with dear ol' Dad while Barry tricks Cheryl into bringing him to the safe house for sex.

I ditched dad to go have more Pam-sex as Cheryl shows up to the safe house with Barry, who... creatively... renders her unconscious and then turns on the gas in the safe house to blow up my dad, which everyone stands outside to wait for apparently...

I don't get people.