Secret Life: An Independence Day Wedding?

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Two things really stand out in this episode to me. The first is how much EVERYONE texts. Now, I realize that it's much more popular amongst teenagers than those in their 20s and 30s, but I was surprised at how many of the parents were into it. [Though, I must admit, both my mother and mother-in-law both text, too, so it's taking hold!] Not only does gossip spread faster than wildfire now, but getting it out to multiple people at the same time becomes a race in a way - the quicker you can get it out, the cooler it makes you seem - you knew first! The second thing is the hashtag for this episode being #FatalDylan.The girl being bad news is no surprise at this point, but I had to pause and laugh when I saw that tag come across the screen! It's starting to make me wonder just how bad this girl is going to turn out to be...

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "The Text Best Thing" (S04E22): Ricky makes spaghetti with marinara from scratch, but Amy is upset because she's supposed to cook the following night and all she can make is spaghetti. [Amy needs to grow up - she has a toddler and can't cook ANYTHING?] Amy finally tells Ricky that she talked to Ben for an hour at the pizza place a couple of weeks ago - and Ricky doesn't care. [I'm sick of how she always wants to pull attention to whatever she wants.] She's upset that he isn't freaking out. [of course!] She suggests getting married on July 4th, but he wants to get married because she wants to, not because she isn't upset that he isn't upset. [yeah, I know.] The two text Nora and George about the wedding date, but Amy begins to wonder if the woman who gave Ricky the tomatoes really is 79 years old. When Margaret finds out, she gifts them a countdown calendar. [this seemed like a forced Margaret appearance...]


Madison tells Lauren that she needs to get laid to understand how it affects your self-esteem. [oh geez...] They decide to find a common enemy - and Amy fits the bill pretty easily. [ha!] In other friendship news, Henry texts Alice and Ben the date of the wedding (he heard it from Madison, of course), and when Ben texts back, Henry hopes that it's the start of a reconciliation. Alice invites Henry over, though she still wants to seduce him and he only wants to remain friends. They come to terms and head to Ben's, where they spend the night in the rec room with Ben and Dylan. Oh, Dylan lied to her parents, saying that she was sleeping at Mercedes' house, and her big drive this episode is to convince Ben to transfer to the private school for his senior year. Of course, all you're doing there is trading sex and pregnancy for drinking and weed, though Dylan's friends claim to have quit. [I don't believe it - do you?]

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Before everyone went to sleep, however, a few other things happened. For one, Ben taught Leo how to text, as the Sausage King was afraid to call Camille because "it's been too long," but still wanted to pass on the July 4th info to her and to Betty. [luckily, no Betty this ep!] Leo is so slow at it, though, that Camille has time to drive over between replies. [ha! people always just walk into rooms at Leo's house... I assume he has a butler answering the door all the time?] Leo still doesn't want kids and Camille does... but she doesn't want to lose him over it. [what was the point in having Ben come in and interrupt?] He doesn't want to go another 18 years, so Camille suggests they adopt a nine-year-old instead. [LoL] She then jokes that she's pregnant, and announces that she wants to sleep over. [apparently this is a first for the couple?]  

Jack wants to pick a date with Grace, in the event that they ever get married. [whoa, buddy. you're not even really dating!] He lays out a long-term plan, but she doesn't want to figure out all of that yet. Similarly, Omar wants to be Adrian's date to Ricky & Amy's wedding, but she isn't even sure if she's going to be invited. Omar also wants her to commit to him for the next year, but she'll only agree to do it for a week, then a month, then three months, etc. He's down with that. [why commit at all? be together until something happens. BAM.]

Grace catches Kathleen and George hanging out and warns her mother that George could return to Anne. George, by the way, spent the night over there and left a frantic Nora to care for Robbie. ["Kathleen makes me gay. happy." was bad.] Swearing her to secrecy, Kathleen tells Grace that Anne is gay... a secret that Grace promptly text-blasts. [that's a word, right?] The next morning, Grace is feeling guilty, and soon learns that the news has spread far and wide - even Jack's father has heard about it!