Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Archer - Bitten, and yet...

Archer "Once Bitten" (S04E06):
From the Diary of Archer Sterling...

I'm on rat patrol with a .50 caliber machine gun while Cyril and Ray dig the jeep out of the sand. After negoitiating my toilet paper usage in/of/with hundreds, I get to finally take a dump and I get bitten by a cobra... there's no way Cyril is right this much in a God-fearing country.

Back at ISIS headquarters, Mother and Lana are arguing over her NOT going to Turkmenistan... and their insanely valuable pipeline that runs through it. Pam gets to add Lana's protest to the newsletter or whatever.... Anyway, no one will suck the poison out, and then Ray Ray drinks half my flask as I'm puking. Ray finally remembers he has bionic legs, and then lifts WITH HIS BACK. Cyril won't give me my gun to kill them both.... the bastard.
FX Network
At headquarters, Mother has Krieger sick satellites on us as Lana catches them. Anyway, Cyril won't call for an extraction because he's insecure. Ray makes him feel bad, while I still profess the aligator I was seeing aren't an issue. I think I hallucinated about being at a weigh station... James Mason was there. PS: I was the most recruited lacrosse player in America until a crazy stalker shot me in the chest... good time... In reality, Cyril hits a camel and gets us captured.

Krieger still can't find us... and Cyril can't translate well... because the stupid country has the same word for dog, snake, and every other stinking thing. Ray AND Cyril can't draw a snake either for some reason... all while I'm dying and hallucinating about my missed birthday present. Apparently my real father saved the day but those bastards woke me before I committed it to long term memory.... thanks, jerks.
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1 comment:

Soledad said...

This episode of Archer was so ridiculous that I spent the entire half hour laughing at the TV. Sterling’s snake bite was in the most inopportune spot on the human body and I don’t blame the others for not offering to suck the poison out. I watched a preview for this episode in my office at DISH but it didn’t really hint at the hilarity that ensued this week. I loved the bit about all the words for animals being the same and the poorly drawn snake Cyril came up with. I wasn’t able to watch Archer when it aired because I was still at work but I watched on my train ride home. I can use my iPad as a TV anytime, anywhere thanks to the Hopper and DISH Anywhere.