Sunday, February 17, 2013

Archer - Sober Love Pawn

Archer "Viscous Coupling" (S04E05):
From the Diary of Archer Sterling...

Pam poured out my grappa onto some stupid fire Carol started in a trashcan. On top of that, no one wanted to go to happy hour. Somehow they all had dates... and I walked in on Lana and Cyril going at it... ew. Thank God I found a whistle in a rape prevention class to help me drown out the nonsense.

Apparently, Lana's under Cyril again because she hadn't nailed anything in 14 months... In between my tinnitus flaring up and Lana believing I've matured enough for her to date again [ha!], my ex-fiance Katya called. I raced over with flowers and candy only to get shutout, like, hard. She called because she was worried about Barry! WTF. But she used my love to force me to help bring back Barry... damn you amazing sex drive and hot bionic boobs...

I knocked out the naysayers with tranquilizers while Carol took a few bruises getting Mother and Lana locked up. Krieger got on with Barry and helped him fix the spaceship to get back to Earth. Katya bought it as romantic, so we're good. All I had to do was get proof that Barry was cheating on her and we could abort operation "return crazy, Archer-obsessed, bio-robot to Earth."  Krieger got Barry to read my script while I got Pam on the audio editing, interrupting her from making a p0rn in the bathroom.
Mother and Lana escaped, but my plan worked and Katya got pissed at Barry. I realized I never told Krieger to stop helping Barry get back to earth, and Barry headed back in a newly repaired ship. Unfortunately, Kayta was just using my love for her to help Barry... lame, lame. Serves me right for not refilling my grappa and staying smashed...
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