Archer - Coyote Who?

Archer "Coyote Lovely" (S04E08): 

From the Diary of Archer Sterling...

Yeah yeah, I'm behind on my diary entries... but who can keep up with writing when there's an abundance of liquor to be consumed? Anyway, I'll try to recount my awesomeness posthaste so you have something to look forward to in life...

So there we were, capturing Moreno (the most infamous illegal smuggler on the border) with Lana and Cyril, laying in scorpion piss in Texas when Lana intentionally hurts my feelings. Of course, I saved the day along with Lana and Cyril's lives via some perfect sniper shots, when Moreno turns out to be a smokin' brunette.

Apparently, Moreno knew we were with ISIS. Anyway, so I accidentally knocked out Lana and purposely shot Cyril to continue to build my relationship with Moreno, which meant taking all the illegals she was shepherding across the border with us.  On the plus side, Mother was having a helluva time finding me.

FX Network

Moreno started worrying about getting caught by the border patrol...which we did. They shot me twice, but then we had to bring them along because it was the middle of nowhere. I kissed Moreno though, so totally worth it. At least Mother was yelling at Lana for not babysitting me. After surgery by an unlicensed vet to pull out the bullets, the border patrol air-lifts me out. Moreno slips me a note that explains she's a fake and how Mother paid her to clear us out of the way for the real Moreno's new, massive operation. Can't win em all...