Selma & Fat Tony Marry, Barney & Marshall Fight

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Reviews & Commentaries for "scripted" shows this week include: Simpsons, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, House, How I Met Your Mother, Better with You, and South Park.

Sunday: 
The Simpsons "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony" (S22E19): Maggie going by the opening on a paper plane was cute. Couch gag was yet another homage to video rental stores going out of business. [aren't we beating a dead horse here?] Homer, Lisa, and Bart are standing in line for the DMV [hilarious sign that says "our pens haven't worked in years" out front] and Bart wants to go to an arcade... but Homer makes the kids stand in line while he goes to play instead. [this is where my DVR cut off to cover the Osama bin Laden story, so I had to go online to watch the rest...] When Bart and Lisa get to the front of the line, they go to auction off the spot, but when Fat Tony offers a lollipop, they give it to him (the "lowest bidder"). Bart and Lisa are fairly sharing the lollipop (each licking a different side) as the walk by a sign for the forest, which states that it took 32 trees to create the sign. [LoL] Bart can smell truffles. Selma gets kidnapped by the mob, and Fat Tony asks her what she wants cut off first. She says her love handles, then arm waddles, etc. A couple of sexual innuendo jokes later, Tony calls in a plastic surgeon, and Selma comes out without any bandages. [not like this show is pro-realism anyway] Then, some more mafia jokes. Lisa is supposedly selling the truffles and putting the money in a savings account that gains very little interest. Selma and Fat Tony get married. Homer decorates the car as "just murdered." [Homer being upset about a twenty-year-old game on the Classic Sports channel was funny!] Bart finds some psychedelic mushrooms, which Otto takes. Turns out that Lisa wasn't selling the truffles... she's been eating them. There's one left, Lisa gives it to Bart, who gives it to a pig... but the pig goes crazy. Marge and Home go to the beach for a weekend with Tony and Selma. Tony introduces them to his nephews and niece - Stevie B, Stevie F, and Vincent... aka S-Money, Jello Shot, and The Occurrence. And, niece Tushi, who had every light in the house changed into a tanning light. [hellllo, Jersey Shore!] Selma has also had a makeover (see image right). Strange kissing conversation between Tony and Homer. [haha, plastic slipcovers on the couch. I really enjoyed the Italian jokes on pool noodles.] Turns out, Tony and Selma took "goomar" vows to be a mistress relationship instead of real spouses (it was Italian, nobody knew). The episode ends with a map of New Jersey burning... [boo.]
[Season Finale May 22nd]

Monday:

House, M.D. "Changes" (S07E20): We open with a guy trying to figure out what to say when he knocks on the door of a house. He's holding flowers and he's looking for someone he met more than 20 years ago. He's crossing names off a list, has flowers, a limo, and music... and he's going all around to find her. He's just finished "Lansdale" and is now headed to Philly. His limo driver (family) is making over $100K. Guy with flowers collapses. He won $42 million in the state lottery recently. [interesting.] Cuddy's mom wants to sue. The patient eats mostly canned food, which he orders by the case. [gross!] The "real" Jennifer came to the hospital from Virginia. Cuddy won't allow anything House orders to be authorized, so the team tries to discharge Cyrus in order to make Cuddy let House treat him. But, he has a seizure so they can't discharge him. House and Cuddy barter, but it looks like House won't go to the meeting regardless. House shows up at the mediation after all, and Cuddy's mom won't make nice. [that old hag!] Taub and Foreman look at scans and determine that Cyrus has three different types of cancers. [ouch!] Meanwhile, Foreman and Chase have a side story going - Chase is celibate and Foreman is stress-free. Also, House brings in one of Thirteen's high school boyfriends. [dead storyline walking] Cyrus proposes to Jennifer, and she's reluctant. [obviously!] Wilson puts Cuddy and House in the same room and tells them how to solve the problem with Cuddy's mother. [I don't like Cuddy's outfit in this scene] Her mom decides that $30K isn't enough, since the lawyers' fee wasn't included. Cuddy gets angry, her mom rips up the check, and that's the end of that. Foreman tries to cheat the blood pressure test by taking a beta blocker, but Chase rigs the machine. [hahaha] Cyrus gives the limo driver $10M. "Jennifer" cries, and Thirteen notices that she is wearing colored contacts under her glasses. Cyrus realizes that it can't be the same Jennifer, quizzes her about a nickname, and realizes that the limo driver set him up, since he knew some details but not everything. Cuddy's mom forces a fire alarm to go off in the hospital in order to get Cuddy and House in the same place. In the end, Cuddy's mom just wants House and Cuddy to get back together. House solves the case. [cool video of the illness. we don't see those as much anymore.] The episode ends as we see another girl going in to see Cyrus... the real Jennifer. [on the whole, I thought that there were a lot of commercials in this one!]
[Season Finale May 23rd]

How I Met Your Mother  "The Perfect Cocktail" (S06E22): Marshall left GNB on great terms with his boss, so he's been using him as a reference. But, turns out that the guy is saying HORRIBLE things about Marshall! [that sucks] Marshall storms over to GNB, runs into Zoey, and she helps him with revenge. Barney is looking forward to taking down The Arcadian.... turns out, Zoey hired Marshall to help save The Arcadian. Ted avoids talking about it. Barney and Marshall are in a personal war. [that's a really weird polo that Robin is wearing!] "I hope this drink isn't teething, because it's about to get nursed" was a pretty funny line for Robin. Barney has slept with 282 women. [...anyone surprised?] Marshall keeps sabotaging Barney's pick-ups. Barney and Marshall get into a fight, and Carl bans the whole gang from the bar. A girl who had been stalking the gang's booth for a while grabs it. Robin and Lily contemplate how to get the guys the right amount of drunk to work out their issues. Martinis apparently make Lily want to make out with Robin. Marshall gets an ego boost from daiquiris. Red wine makes Barney contemplate life. Ted beatboxes after bourbon. Ted is headed to Martha's Vineyard with Zoey for the weekend. Ted brings up The Arcadian with Zoey in the car. Gin starts a fight between Barney and Marshall. Ted and Zoey stay in a run-down room at the Arcadian instead... the key is attached to a brick! Whiskey mellows Barney and Marshall. Barney gets over-emotional. Daiquiris get them up and moving. The Arcadian shares bathrooms on each floor, and flushing turns off the lights. The guys took shots of tequila, which makes them weird. Zoey admits that, as a child, her family lived in The Arcadian. Ted and Zoey tell each other that they love one another. Beer causes Marshall and Barney to make up. Zoey and Ted see the cockamouse (that was once a inhabitant of Ted's apt), Zoey freaks out (tho Ted is excited), and they leave. The next morning, Barney and Marshall are fighting again. Champagne after the beer made the guys black-out and forget the whole make-up! Ted sides with Zoey on The Arcadian. The girls go back to the bar and stalk their booth (the ban is over). Barney's intern (?) takes care of it and the gang has the booth back. [Not the greatest episode]
[Season Finale May 16th]

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "Moving in and Out" (S03E20): Ashley is upset that Amy is moving to Ricky's. Anne says she can, but George is fighting it. [Amy is so much more forceful than she used to be!] Ricky makes sure that the living arrangement is okay with Leo, who is fine with it. Leo gets to the bottom of it, and Ricky admits that he's only having Amy move in because he's not ready to marry her. Ricky was hoping that Leo wouldn't let Amy move in, so Ricky wouldn't have to come up a reason on his own. Leo talks to Ricky about going to college, and says that he'd like to send some scholarship money his way. [tho we still don't really know what Ricky's reservations have been about college] Leo tells Ricky that he feels like he's a second son to him. Ben tries to get Henry and Alice to help pick out baby furniture, but they don't want to. They break it to him that he needs to focus on Adrian, not them. Adrian's mom is getting ready to go away for four weeks, and she tells Adrian about all of the things she needs to do while she's gone - find a dress, hire a wedding photographer, figure out the finances with Ben, etc. [I think the issue of a pre-nup will be very interesting...] Ashley conspires with George to keep Amy in their house. [figures.] Adrian and Amy are catty toward one another, being sarcastic about Ben and Ricky and whatnot. Tom asks Grace how to find a girlfriend - she suggests he take the bus. Grace admits to her mom that she's had sex twice with Grant, and that she'll keep updating her mom. [awkward!] Her mom also agrees to allow Grant to spend the night. [what a bad idea. STOP.] Amy is getting nervous about moving to Ricky's, and tells Madison and Lauren. Lauren mentions that she has heard that "religious people have crazy sex" because they become "full of the spirit." [I like that. that's funny. and I suppose I'd like to think it's true ;)] Jack makes Madison wait again to have sex. Ashley tries to get Griffin to help her sabotage Amy moving in with Ricky, but Griffin sees through it. Grace tells Adrian that maybe she's worried that the relationship won't last since they're having sex. Ben and Ricky talk about their respective situations and how they're always competing. Anne gives Amy some great advice about having sex and the different ways sex affects a person. Griffin comes over to talk to Ashley about Hailey and Ricky... Amy overhears. Ben and Adrian have sex at their condo. [I was caught off-guard by this!] Adrian is still talking about the future being "fun." [eek] Amy goes to Ricky's to talk to him... she tells him that she's not ready to move in with him yet. Ricky tells Amy that he loves her, just after she puts off sex. She says that she loves him back, they kiss, and she leaves. [what an ending!]

Wednesday:
Mr. Sunshine (S01Exx): Episode 10 coming up.

The Middle "Mother's Day II" (S02E21): Opens with Frankie having to work while the guys get the day off to spend time with mothers. [what in the...???] One colleague says that he'll cover for her. Brick has a friend over who is even quirkier than he is, and Mike goes ahead and plans another playdate for a week from Sunday. Mike takes the kids aside and talks about Mother's Day, which is three days away. [Loved Axel's comment about not knowing Mother's Day fell on a Sunday this year] Sue has the idea that the family just leaves Frankie alone for the day. Mike pitches it to Frankie, and she loves the idea. [Why are all three kids brushing their teeth at the same time?? maybe this was addressed in an earlier episode that I haven't seen.] Frankie gets up at 10:16am, and can't decide what to do first. [LOVED the joke about "borrowing" magazines from the dentist's office... and the stack is two feet high!] She ends up fixing a drawer, a flashlight, a nightstand. Paying a bill, defrosting the freezer, scotch-guarding winter shoes, etc. It ends up being 7:45pm before she knows it, and she sits down to a donut and a cup of coffee. The family went to Brown County for the day, which Frankie is jealous of. Actually, she's jealous of the whole day. Frankie breaks down and confesses to Mike that she frittered away the entire day, and he offers to go back to Brown County the following Sunday. Now, it's the 15th and it's the beginning of "the prom draft" according to Axel. Mike forgot to move Brick's playdate, so they take the kid along. They get there and the fair is over. Sue can't decide what she wants from the gift shop. [every single thing she pondered was WEIRD.] Turns out that they can't have a picnic since the food was also a special for Mother's Day the week before. They get sandwiches from a vending machine. Brick's playdate has allergies. They go to play volleyball, and Axel is upset that he's spending the whole day on a re-do. Frankie serves the ball into a tree. They go to take an Old Time photo, but the costume choices aren't very good, since the guy is closing up. They end up with a photo of just Arlo (Brick's playmate) and Frankie. Frankie gives up and is ready to go home. Mike pays $10 to let the family ride the Ferris Wheel, but Sue's stuffed octopus falls and gets stuck in the gears, stopping the ride. Axel ended up inviting the wrong girl to the prom. Frankie gets upset and jumps down, and hurts herself. [par for the course on this one, I suppose.]

Better With You "Better with a Bargain" (S01E21):   Casey believes that you have to eat the fortune in a fortune cookie in order for it to come true (then realizes that's wrong right after Mia does it). Ben doesn't like the fortunes Maddie opens. Vicki isn't thrilled that hers says that she'll live a long time... despite the fact that she (at first) thought that she had no fortune, meaning she'd die in two weeks. Mia and Casey want a stroller that costs $1,000. Joel is sure he can talk down the price by 50% or more. [wasn't in love with Maddie's animal-print outfit] Maddie wants to quit her job, but it doesn't look good because everyone in the office wants to sue one another. [Mia's desired stroller is pretty grotesque!] Joel is dead-set on getting the stroller for a good price. Joel going crazy for a good deal gets Vicki hot. [hahahahahaha] Maddie goes to her old high school to talk to her old counselor about why he said law was a good career path for her. Turns out, the counselor pretty much tells everyone "be a lawyer" or "be a doctor." [hahahahaha] As a kid, Ben wanted to be a hotel manager, and Maddie wanted to be "an adult," LoL. [such a Maddie thing to say!] Joel gives the family a plan to get the price of the stroller down, and they go to act it out... with Vicki pretending to be Mia's younger sister! [who was that going to fool??] "The shrewd man and the idiot" is the name of the scam. The salesman sees through them and throws them out. In the end, Joel goes to buy the stroller outright, but shelves fall on him, he's bleeding, and the guy offers him a discount. [love it.] Joel wants everything, and he's going to get it! Maddie realizes she has lost her passion for law. Ben doesn't want her to try being a hotel manager. [haha! so Ben!] Funny ending with the couples trying to get their partners to notice what's new about them.
[May 11 season finale - next week! cross your fingers for a renewal, folks!]

South Park "Funnybot" (S15E02):  [I really thought that they would try and crank out an episode about the capture of Osama bin Laden, but then I was informed that South Park has killed off OBL twice already... I had forgotten, haha.] The school is having Comedy Awards. Jimmy is the host... he wins for "funniest kid," and there are 50 more awards... most are for celebrities, and since none are there, Jimmy accepts the awards on their behalf. "Least Funny People" goes to the Germans, over some Eskimos and the Japanese. Tyler Perry actually shows up to accept his award. Germany isn't thrilled. Tyler Perry, dressed as Madea, is roaming the halls. [I found it amusing.] Some Germans show up at the school with guns. Turns out, they built a joke-telling robot... the "funnybot." The jokes are actually pretty funny. The Germans then demand that the kids re-vote. The jokes get worse, then the funnybot busts out some machine guns and starts killing people when it goes to perform in Los Angeles. Everyone at school is being held hostage while Stan, Kyle, Jimmy, and Cartman are in Hollywood. They talk to the funnybot, who admits that he's written a final joke, and he's planning to annihilate the population. Obama gives a speech about how he'll die watching a Tyler Perry movie with his family. [uhhh...] The kids want to give the funnybot a paradox to destroy it. Jimmy gives the funnybot a comedy award, and since the funnybot can't comprehend the logic of it, it over-analyzes and freaks out. They dispose of a nuclear device by burying it. Funnybot thanks the kids. Obama comes on and says that, "I'm pleased to announce that the greatest threat to mankind is now gone forever. Justice has been done." [so... maybe South Park did get in a little OBL elimination...]


Thursday: 

The Paul Reiser Show  (S01Exx): canceled, if you hadn't heard. not sure when they'll burn off the other episodes. So... number 3 at some point?

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Off season/Coming Up:
Switched at Birth (Monday, June 6th at 9pm)
Hot in Cleveland (June 15th picks us up at Season 2, Episode 11)
Futurama (Season 6, episode 14 on June 23rd)

Melissa & Joey (season 2 starts June 29th, 8pm)
Terra Nova (premiering in September)