Monday, December 23, 2013

Archer - Under the Sea... legs. 2.

Archer "Sea Tunt: Part 2" (S04E13): 
From the Diary of Archer Sterling...

Where the hell were we? Oh yeah, this psycho under the sea plans to launch nerve gas at U.S. cities, and I'm not drunk enough for this. So this Anderson Cooper-looking bastard wouldn't shut up about... ecological something. Anyway, Lana and Mother chew out Cecil and the pilot and learn the crazy man has like 40 guys with him! 

I mastermind a plan to go into the sea lab as a camera crew, stealing Ray's mustache to see if he looks gayer. Nope. So sending the four of us spies down in the DSV, Ray breaks his nose and Lana is totally unprepared with no tampons... somehow. Cheryl's still freaking out over the 'brother trying to commit her to get at her inheritance' thing. Thank goodness I commandeered all the booze from the chopper. I only had something light though, because it was my first time driving a DSV. Lana kept throwing up and wouldn't drink ANYTHING, not even to stem her... moodiness.
FX Network
After getting our legends straight with these numbskulls, I dock the DSV with the sea lab. Mother and the bums on the boat began drinking chemicals and arguing over the inheritance wasted on the sea lab while we faux film the eco-psycho's demands, including a ban on ALL fishing. ALL FISHING! Turns out the douche has been down here alone for like 3 years. He attacked Lana, I pulled a gun, something something, and then there's a hole in the glass ceiling.

As the sea lab is flooding, the eco-nut gets us safely to a break room and then gets smashed by an off-brand drink machine. Luckily, there's scuba gear in the break room, but only 3 sets. Lana drops the preggers bomb (5 weeks!) on us and I honorably insist the mother-to-be take my suit. The plan is to restart my heart on the DSV within 2 minutes. Lana drags me through the water... why Lana? She had to be the weakest swimmer after me... Anyway, the 3 numbskulls managed to restart my heart with a defibrillator. I cheated death and brain damage... but accidentally fried the chip that controls Ray's leg. Oh well, he still looks gayer than ever.
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