We're fresh off a five-day trip to NYC, which some might have considered rather overbooked. This is a habit of mine... if there's a way to plan out vacations in advance, I have a tendency to figure out what's going on every hour of our recreation. Well, back when I was 12, my mom had a HS friend visiting, and she took us all to Magic Kingdom for a day. It's the only time I've been to a theme park with both of my siblings, but as my sister wasn't even in kindergarten yet, she was too small to ride some of the classics. Still, we all had a great time, but I did over-research the park and tried to steer us to certain attractions at certain times, when, in hindsight, that may not have been the best way to go. Perhaps this is one of the reasons i love Sue Heck...
The Middle "Heck on a Hard Body" (S05E22): [the title is a play on "Hands on a Hard Body," the title of a 1997 documentary that was also a 2013 Broadway musical.] Mike has been helping Brick study for another spelling bee, so when a homeless Rusty shows up, they let him stay. [wow, look at that NFL crap!] The two share old stories in the car with Brick, who sadly comes in second, because Rusty had him throw it to win bets. [what the !?!?] Mike is upset that his son didn't get to win, but it doesn't bother Brick, who knew his uncle needed the money.
Axl's desk has gone missing, and he can't get his deposit back until it's found, so Frankie helps find it... being used for a beer pong game. Frankie is soon schooling the kids in the art of the game, which doesn't embarrass Axl for once. [what did Frankie go to college to do?]
Sue is determined to win a car by keeping her hand on it the longest. [hey, remember when Mad About You did that?] Brad also competes (for Sue), but he's the first one out. [you can't switch hands?? that really intensifies the situation!] Sue gets sunburned, has to stand on one foot for four hours, and winds up psyching out her final opponent to win... but the prize isn't a car. It's actually a car trip to Disney! [as much as I love Disney, I still would have wanted the car! also, that would have brought a very different population of competitors!]
The Middle "Orlando" (S05E23): Brick wants to meet his online girlfriend, who lives in North Carolina. He keeps pestering Mike and Frankie to stop on the way to Orlando, and Frankie eventually gives in after learning that Tanya has been talking to Brick for two months already and isn't turned off yet. [kinda sad that was the winning point.] Unfortunately, when they arrive, Brick announces that he dumped Tanya the night before, but they go in anyway. [the catfish suspicions were a bit much.] Brick and Tanya make up, but the families fight, so as soon as Brick gets his first kiss, the Hecks are on their way once more. [wonder if Tanya will make future mentions...]
Axl tried to pass his classes but is afraid that he'll still fail, so he turns to Sue for advice on how to accept failure. [ouch.] But, he gets all Bs and a B-, surprising himself and his parents. [and me, for what it's worth.] And, because of an earlier deal, the adult Hecks can't talk to their oldest son until September. When that doesn't work, they have to call him Sir Axl, Duke of Awesomeness. [and they stick with that??]
Sue meticulously counts down the 27 days until the Disney trip, and makes an 800-page binder of information for the trip. [in comparison, I think my notes were about 4 pages, handwritten. but this was a couple years before the average person had internet access at home.] Frankie and Mike worry about another trip with the kids, so Frankie institutes a calming word ("Orlando") to get everyone back in the vacation mindset when things get rough. [14 playlists??] The Hecks take turns driving, and everyone is worried about Sue getting behind the wheel. They decide to let her, but she scrapes up the driver's side of the car at a drive-thru. [omg, I am Sue Heck. I have also done this, thought not to the same extreme. but that's a story for another time.] She is forgiven, though, and drives the family the last leg of the drive. However, when they arrive, they learn that their tickets are for Disneyland...
Unfortunately, their problems are only just beginning. Sue almost immediately passes out, so they swing by the infirmary. Then, Brick goes missing, having gone shopping for a Mickey Ears hat. It takes him 90 minutes to choose a font and thread color, throwing off Sue's schedule and they head for Space Mountain instead of Jungle Cruise. However, the line is unexpectedly two hours long, so they move toward The Haunted Mansion, which has only a 15-minute wait... but Brick misplaces his hat, so they leave the line. After some backtracking, they learn that it was in his backpack the entire time. [I don't think I would have been very controlled after that!] They get some turkey legs, which they wolf down to get onto Thunder Mountain... but Sue hurts herself in the process, so it's back to the infirmary! [omg.] After that, Axl takes over and gets everyone in a line... out of the park. [how did they not see that coming??]
They head to the hotel, where they're given an upgrade that excites each member of the family. [I've never stayed on Disney park property, so I would have been excited regardless, LoL!] However, they love it so much that they sleep in until 3pm! Mike is itching to get to EPCOT, so once they're all in Magic Kingdom, an argument for the ages breaks out, and each goes their own way. Mike takes Frankie to the Paris in EPCOT, and after a few moments realizing that being alone isn't any fun, the Heck kids ride Splash Mountain together, then Test Track, and The Little Mermaid. [I've never been on that last one!] They find their parents and go for Mission Space and the fireworks to end the vacation.