Melissa & Joey: Joe Meets a Russian Girl...

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

A smart fan knew that Mel and Joe weren't actually going to get married, despite the hype and comments and teasers that ABCFamily tried to plant. Still, the mid-season finale being titled, "Mel Marries Joe" is a bit confusing until you realize that she has the power to officiate a wedding ceremony. It actually isn't that great of an episode, with Joe's bride, Elena, leaving him mere hours after being at the altar. Luckily, the two episodes leading up to this one were much better, giving Lennox some decent (albeit too innocent) storylines and allowing Ryder just enough screentime to make a fool of himself. Repeatedly. Truth be told, I'm not thrilled with the direction that this show is taking, and I'm a little sad to say that I might have to cut my ties if the next batch of episodes continues to be disappointing. What say you - do you think that the show is still comic gold or do you agree that it has been faltering lately?

Melissa & Joey "Wherefore Art Lennox" (S02E13): Lennox has an internship at City Hall for three weeks. [useless exchange between Joe and Ryder about the kid wanting to skip school for an internship as well. and WHAT?? she's missing three weeks of school for this mess??] A councilwoman comes to see Mel about canceling a street party, claiming it brings sewage, trash, and debris (STDs). [stupid, STUPID STD jab.] The councilwoman has brought her own intern (who has three days of experience) and he hits it off with Lennox. Mel gets jealous that Lennox is spending time with the intern, Cameron, but when the teen suggests some compromises that help out "the other side," Mel gets defensive and Lennox quits. [Mel's excitement over having a "mini-me" was odd.]

Ryder has a hickey but Mel doesn't freak, instead offering him makeup to cover it. On the flip side, Joe tells him that hickeys are a "badge of honor" and that he should wear it proudly. Well, that provokes Ryder to admit that it isn't from Holly -  and later he comes clean that the vacuum did it. [remember when I said that Ryder sits around making a fool of himself? well, here's exhibit A...]

Joe is aloof during the day, claiming insomnia before admitting that he's actually moonlighting for a Russian company online from 1-3am. [I don't understand why he came clean so soon. if that's the case, why even lie in the first place?] Joe is struggling, burning lasagna and packing sponges for lunch. Of course, it's not just business meetings... he's cyber-dating a woman from those meetings as well, and a few "dates" later, Elena arrives in Toledo! [awkward!]

Melissa & Joey "From Russia with Love" (S02E14): Elena has been there for three days and the housework is beginning to be ignored. When Joe heads off to a poker networking event (yeah, I don't get it, either), he leaves Elena with Mel, and they drink and are nice to one another. When Joe gets home, Mel even helps them make up. Of course, our favorite protagonist also comes to the realization that she has real feelings for Joe, though she disguises them by continuing to feed him lines to tell Elena. [I feel like this would be a romance out of convenience and wouldn't last anyway, but we'll save that for another day.] The next day, the Russian company has been disbanded because of a Ponzi scheme, and Elena is afraid to go back to St. Petersburg because she'll get arrested. Joe can't find a good defense attorney for her, so he decides that marrying her would help things. [hahahahahaha!]

Lennox is on a quest to prove how unhealthy the food is in the school vending machines, so she vows to subsist off of it for three days. She doesn't like the selection, though, and Ryder begs to be the guinea pig. Some researcher he is, however, as Lennox catches him munching on a carrot a couple of days later. [again, he sucks.] It doesn't matter too much, though, because the blog posts go viral, the parents get enraged, and the school decides to stock the vending machines with healthy food. [that's a fancy machine! it all happened a bit too quickly to be realistic, though!] Lennox becomes a target at school because of it all, while Ryder decides to take advantage of the situation by selling sugar-loaded food for three bucks an item. [this part was actually funny. well, not the Lennox part, but the Ryder part!]

Melissa & Joey "Mel Marries Joe" (S02E15) [mid-season finale]: Ryder helps put together the wedding, but when the feds show up, it's Mel who has to try legitimizing things by saying that she'll be officiating the wedding. [that whole scene where Lennox claims that she can lie all day was garbage! we know she sucks at lying!] Mel also offers Elena her wedding gown from three years ago, which the Russian happily accepts.

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The ceremony is at Mel's office, and while she's officiating, she also objects, holding a sidebar with Joe where he admits to actually falling in love with Elena. [eep! too fast, Joe!] Later, Joe calls Mel, saying that Elena hasn't returned after taking a call in Russian. [eep indeed!] Mel goes looking for her, but Elena returns on her own, saying that she must go to Russia after all to help a colleague. She thanks Joe for rescuing her, but they need to "just be friends." [ouch!] The episode ends with Tiffany (Joe's first wife) calling collect, asking him to help her change a tire. [where was she that she called collect?? if her tire was busted, wouldn't she just phone from her cell? I thought this was set-up poorly...]