SEASON FINALE: Melissa & Joey: Married, with Another Child

I'm calling it. This show has jumped the shark. Mel and Joe are now an inseparable thing, and they've brought on a younger character. AND there's the inevitable fertility storyline in the pipeline as well. Countless series have tried similar ideas, and not all of them live to tell the tale, which is a shame. It was probably one of the better things the comedy could have done, given the dynamics and personalities of the core four on this program, but it might have been a better call to just wrap it up and move on. Who agrees?

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Melissa & Joey "At Last" (S03E37): Lennox gets back from learning Zander is cheating on her, so she tries to sleep with Marco, but he won't be a piece of meat. The next day, however, they get busy... and Marco thinks they're on the fast track to living together. [... what now??!?]

Felicia comes to get Dani, but the teen doesn't want to be on the road with a band for six more months, so she asks to stay with Joe and Mel. [the girl just met her father and she feels comfortable living with the man? She doesn't know anything about him or his lifestyle!] Mel is a bit surprised, but has faith they can work it all out. But, Dani had seen Joe and his mother fight, so she runs away... to the roof. Mel mends things with Dani, and then falls off the roof, breaking her leg. [you're kidding me! what's the purpose of doing this??] Joe and a morphine-high Mel wind up getting married in the hospital room, thanks to Ryder, who got ordained online that morning. [shaking my head...] 

Melissa & Joey: Still Leading up to the Wedding...

I'm becoming less and less interesting in this series as it gets more and more ridiculous, and it's now clear that the wedding was set-up mostly so the series could squeeze out a fourth season. With Lennox and Ryder now both young adults, Mel and Joe need more to hold them together... hence the rushed relationship. Now, it would make sense for Mel to get pregnant soon, especially as the writers seem to be concerned about the Mel-Joe factor being enough to hold together the series, but as they just played the "relieved we're not pregnant" card, they may have to go another way. Regardless, it certainly seems like the wedding has been dragging on...

Melissa & Joey "You're the One That I Want" (S03E35): It's the afternoon before Mel and Joe's wedding, and Zander, Ryder, and Marco go with Joe on a bachelor dirt bike adventure. But, when they get done, Ryder drops his bike on Joe's foot, causing him immense pain. [ouch!] He tries to hide it from Mel, who wants to practice their first dance, but when she accidentally steps on his foot, he has to admit it hurts. [she believed that verb tense flub? LoL.]

Mel has quite the adventure of her own as well... starting when Joe accidentally sees her trying on her wedding dress, so she has to go buy another to avoid superstitious traditions. [I liked the first gown better. and actually really liked the dress she wore shopping!] Later, the ladies go on a bar crawl, and Joe's sister, Teresa, winds up revealing that Joe has a thirteen-year-old daughter he doesn't know about. [holy cow!] Felicia, he babymama, was a neighbor with whom Joe partied at a New Year's event. He never found out because Felicia moved out of town and swore Teresa to secrecy. [WHOA.]

Mel can't live with that big of a secret, so when she is rendered speechless during the vows, she whispers the news to him to clear her conscience... but Joe can't focus after that. [I believe it. Also, Tony is there! after he got sent away!] 

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In a side story, Lennox makes Ryder promise that he'll tell Mel and Joe the truth about his future after the wedding.

Melissa & Joey "Maybe I'm Amazed" (S03E36): Joe demands answers, so Teresa tells him that Felicia and her daughter, Dani, live in Fort Wayne, so they put everything on hold for a day while Joe goes to track her down. She won't answer his calls, so Mel accompanies him to the woman's home. Felicia turns out to be an acupuncturist for aging rock stars, and tries to keep Dani from Joe, though Mel has an idea of how to find the teen. They locate her at her middle school's bake sale, and she thinks Joe was essentially a gay sperm donor. [how random!] Joe goes along with it at the encouragement of Mel, but Dani figures out the truth and is upset. However, she seems to get over it quickly, as she takes a $400 cab ride to Toledo so she doesn't miss the wedding. [um... what?!?]

Elsewhere, Zander is still upset that Lennox made out with Marco in Jersey, and winds up sleeping with one of his roommates in revenge. Lennox, of course, finds out. And, Ryder decides to go ahead and break his news to Mel, but she obviously has other things to worry about at the moment, as Ryder had hoped.

Melissa & Joey: The Calm Before the Storm...

A clip show and an episode designed entirely to be extra screen-time for some of the guest stars attending the wedding... not the greatest episodes ever, but still nice build-up for the upcoming wedding. It is a shame, though, that they went ahead and showed the clipshow now... it clearly belongs closer to the wedding, as evidenced by Gloria mentioning she was there to help for the three weeks before the wedding, but the officiant episode occurs when there's only a week left before the big day. Regardless, airing average episodes before a big one is par for the course... like the theory behind why bridesmaids' dresses are ugly so the bride's shines in comparison. Three episodes remain in the season, but there are already tons of ceremony images out on the internet, so who knows what mayhem this couple may face as they tie the knot!  

Melissa & Joey "Don't Look Back in Anger" (S03E33): Mel and Joe meet with a wedding officiant, but he has a great record of successful marriages and won't marry couples he doesn't think will last. [I didn't realize statistics like that were tracked! I wonder what rating our officiant has, LoL.] The couple begins to panic, as the wedding is a week away, so they take to lying in their responses. [standard for this couple anyway!] When it comes to their future as parents, Lennox and Ryder are asked about their role models, leaving the minister to believe the Longos would be destined for divorce. [kinda weird, huh? why finish it like that?]

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Melissa & Joey "Uninvited" (S03E34): Mel has been working hard to finish wedding preparations, which includes tasting 40 sparkling wines. [we were such champagne novices when we were married that we had no real preference. Soon aftereard, though, we learned to go for the asti, not the brut.] The bride is further stressed when Joe's mom shows up to help, but Joe mentioned that it'll be a very light wedding on family anyway. Mel repeatedly tells Joe's mom that she'll "think about" the woman's suggestions, then lets her pick the photographer from her top 5 choices. But, Gloria just books Joe's brother instead, even though he hit on Mel in the past. [I was really upset that Gloria went outside those five! how much do you have to disrespect your future daughter-in-law to do that??] Mel is okay with it, and even loves the first set of shots he does (including the engagement photo to the right). [I know she likes his work and all, but no bad blood between them??] But, he then tries to seduce her again, so Gloria sends him packing. [why bother to hide it from Joe for a quick second?]

Ryder tells Lennox that he didn't apply to any colleges, as he loves his job working at the laser tag center. [did Mel and Joe not find it odd that they didn't have to write any checks for application fees? also, didn't Ryder used to be more than one year behind Lennox in school, or am I misremembering things?] She doesn't want to freak out Mel and Joe, though, so she takes it upon herself to write his college entrance essays and try to get him in somewhere. [yay, big sister power!] Meanwhile, Ryder gets a promotion at work, prompting Lennox to leave him alone after all. [I'm wearing my McKayla Maroney face right now...]

MASSIVE ROUND-UP: Melissa & Joey: Together at Last

You probably thought I'd forgotten about this show, right? No, it just fell by the wayside as I've had other things going on, and then I couldn't decide what my stance was on it anymore... I was mad at Lennox for dating her TA, confused over Ryder's obsession with helping his teen-mother-girlfriend maintain a "normal" life, and wishy-washy over the whole Mel-and-Joe "thing." But, now I'm pretty clear on my opinions of this series, so I'm ready to give them and return to regular coverage once again. I'm still not happy with Lennox's situation - Zander never really seemed like that great of a guy to me. But, I like Ryder playing the field, even if he might have "gotten a home run" prematurely. As for Mel and Joe, we all knew that they were eventually going to get together, though they've hardly been dating and are now getting married in just a month, with the possibility of a baby probably not too far down the line. I'm definitely not getting behind the quickie wedding, but am looking forward to seeing how the writers decide to creatively construct that inevitable hilarity. 

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Melissa & Joey "House Broken" (S03E22): At the Farmer's Market, Mel sees a dog for adoption, and, despite Joe telling her that he isn't interested, she gets it anyway. [bad move.] Mel is convinced that she'll be able to care for Wendell on her own, with the help of a dogwalker. But, the teenager she hired gets grounded and Joe must care for the pup. [hahaha, teenagers!] Before long, Joe is using the dog to entertain his clients while they're waiting, and the dog clings to him - even coming into his room at night. [there are workout capris for guys?] But, the dog winds up belonging to someone else. [whew! glad we were able to ditch that responsibility!] Lennox helps Mel realize that she wants a baby, but Mel can't bring herself to admit it to Joe, who is intimidated by babies. [well, yeah.] 

Ryder has been caring for his girlfriend's baby more and more, and it seems that his ulterior motive is to be intimate with her. But, when he gets a one-on-one date with Stella, she promptly announces that she wants to go to college, so she will be avoiding sex. [good for her.]

Melissa & Joey "Couples Therapy" (S03E23): Mel loses a friend when the girl doesn't want to hang out with her and Joe, as they are constantly arguing. Mel thinks that they might have a problem, and wants to go to couples counseling. It turns out, the counselor dated Joe back in the day, so he listens to her suggestions. [ugh.] Mel accuses him of sucking up to his ex, and begins to wonder who broke up with whom. Both claim they were the dumper, so Mel decides they shouldn't be going to this therapist. [probably for the better!] The couple later has a heart-to-heart, where Joe admits that he was dumped but didn't want to disappoint Mel. [whatever.] 

Lennox is dating her philosophy TA, and Zander finds out online, so he comes running back to Ohio to warn Lennox that she could be making a mistake. [duh.] Lennox begins to wonder what her relationship is with the TA when he gives her an A on an assignment that she didn't even finish. [uhhh...]

Melissa & Joey "To Tell the Truth" (S03E24): Mel and Joe have not been successful in finding another couple to hang out with, so when a game night goes well, Mel is ecstatic that the other couple asks them out to dinner. [I'm kinda jealous right now, not gonna lie.] But, the guy, Nate, is thinking of breaking it off with his wife, which he confides in Joe, though Joe tells Mel. Well, Mel can't keep secrets so she blurts it out to Jillian over coffee, only to find out that it was a momentary situation, and the "d-word" got back to Jillian for no reason. [that sucks!] When Mel and Joe show up for their double-date, the other couple left two envelopes for them - each that has a secret the other couple kept. [we don't get to know what they were, though. boo. :(] 

Zander is still hanging around, and asks Ryder to hide him in the basement as he's continuing to check on Lennox. It's only a matter of time before Lennox finds him, though. [I scowled and shook my head over this ridiculous ploy.] 

Melissa & Joey "My Roof, My Rules" (S03E25): Lennox's boyfriend sleeps over, but Joe and Mel soon learn that Emerson is a TA, which is a bigger problem. Mel forbids him from coming over, which prompts Lennox to move out. [so.much.drama.with.teenagers!] Joe suggests that Mel cut her off, but Mel is afraid that taking away Lennox's tuition, credit cards, and birth control will leave her to be a college-drop-out young mother. But, the loudness and grossness at Emerson's sends her home to shower and relax, and seeing her niece leads Mel to allow Emerson over. Lennox rebels by cleaning Emerson's bathroom, but his roommate's bird flies out the window. The older guy chastises the college freshman for doing things "without his authorization," so she breaks it off and moves home. [this was getting more and more unbelievable, so good riddance!] But, she doesn't want to go crawling back, so Joe helps her stage a kicking-and-screaming situation, but Mel doesn't buy it. [ha!] 

Meanwhile, Ryder is supposed to be on a French trip to Montreal, but he forgot his passport and must wait at a hotel near the border with his homeroom teacher. [both times I traveled overseas on school trips we had to turn in our passports to the school the school day before we left so nobody could forget it the day of, LoL.] Ryder asks Mel to find it and drive it up to him, but she and Joe can't locate it. Turns out, he had it the whole time, and got sucked into a Walking Dead marathon instead. [what?!? how was that acceptable??!?] And, as soon as he's back home, he loses track of his passport again. [serious eye roll!]

Melissa & Joey "Chaperones" (S03E26): Mel pays Lennox to babysit Stella's daughter so Ryder can go to the Prom with his girlfriend, then takes Joe to chaperone the event. But, Stella doesn't seem interested in Ryder anymore, and Joe tells him to break it off, but Mel and Lennox claim that you can't dump a girl right before a dance. [um, you can't. just like around her birthday, Valentine's Day, and Christmas. Those are all black-out dates.] He decides to stick with her, but when they go to leave for the dance, Isabelle is burning up, and they have to stay home with the baby. [liked Mel's dress. Stella's was ugly and not dance-ish.] At the dance, Joe realizes he likes to bust kids breaking the rules, but when Mel tells Joe that he's not being any fun, they mess around in a coach's office and almost get caught. [why are the dresses so much more casual than the ones we wore fifteen years ago??] Unfortunately, they confess when some teens are about to get blamed, and are thrown out. [inappropriate parent conduct seems to happen so frequently at televised school dances...] Meanwhile, Ryder and Stella have sex, and, afterward, he lets her check her email on his computer, but she sees the break-up speech he was writing. [uh oh.] 

Melissa & Joey "I'll Cut You" (S03E27): Joe gets into a fender-bender, and it turns out that the woman who hit him was Mel's hairdresser, Calista. [Mel has a back tattoo!] Mel doesn't want trouble, so she lies to Joe and says the woman will pay the $800 in two installments, but just pays it herself. Lennox catches her, and so does Joe, when he goes to thank Calista in person. [can't let a sleeping dog lie...] Mel gets banned from the salon mid-highlights, and her head is a wreck. [omg!] Lennox can't fix it, and when Mel's hair begins to break off in clumps, Lennox convinces Joe to go apologize to Calista and fix the problem, though it's Lennox's threat of spreading negative publicity that makes Calista agree to fix Mel. [oh, the power of social media!] 

Over at the high school, Ryan tries to win back Stella, making a grand gesture of a holding up cue cards during a song played on a boombox during biology class. [he seriously tried to talk to her during a class that he's not in??] She leaves the class without saying whether or not she'd forgive him, but later says that her baby eats up too much time for her to be dating. And, another girl starts hitting on Ryder. [meh. I didn't care about Stella anyway.] 

Melissa & Joey "Catch & Release" (S03E28): Lennox and Zander work on their comic, and he asks her out again. [really? we're back to that??] He's also about to move in with two women, though, and attend college in Toledo once more. When Lennox disapproves of his living arrangements, he accuses her of being jealous, which she denies. [of course.] 

One of Joe's friends is single again, so he acts as a wing-man when they're out, even though he doesn't want to. He plays obnoxious around the ladies, but still brings home a few phone numbers, which Ryder claims are his to save Joe in front of Mel. [nice play, Ryder!] Unfortunately, Joe and Mel head to a work event of hers and they run into a woman to whom he pretended to be a secret agent. [sounds like a Barney Stinson problem...] Mel is upset when Joe admits that part of him wanted to know if he "still had it," but once she blurts out that she has fantasies, they make up. [oooookay....]

Melissa & Joey "Born to Run" (S03E29): Mel's father visits, and he's not surprised that she's dating Joe. In fact, he thought they were intimate since Joe became the nanny. [I hate when parents assume things about relationships!] Joe gets the man his first smartphone, but he winds up spamming out his private parts. Because of this, Mel is worried that her run for State Senate is over, and the Governor pulls his support. Mel questions if she should run, but her reasoning might have more to do with the fact that it would put her away from Joe five days each week. [because Joe couldn't move across the state because....??] As soon as things turn around in the public, but Joe suggests that she wait a year and run for Congress instead, which she decides to do. [too bad; I was looking forward to the campaigning episodes!] Meanwhile, Ryder decides to make money on the scandal by having shirts made, though Lennox guilts him out of selling them. Fortunately, Grandpa actually loves the shirts and buys them from Ryder, thus giving him a successful entrepreneurial endeavor to put on his resume. [the luck!] 

Melissa & Joey "More than Roommates" (S03E30): Joe's mother sends him his grandmother's chair, but Mel isn't a fan. [I hate Joe's shirt.] She's having an in-house interview in a few days, so she tries to manipulate Joe into moving the chair, but he sees through her. However, when Mel dreams of seeing Nona's ghost, she heeds the spirit's advice that she must accept the chair to accept Joe. [so weird!] Mel tries to get accustomed to the piece of furniture, but accidentally spills red wine on it and Joe thinks it was done purposefully. They fight over the chair, and find $10,000 inside from Nona! [this is a little too early 90s TV here, don't ya think?] 

Ryder helps Zander's roommates move some furniture, and he pretends to be a college senior, which quickly gets him "lucky." But, Ryder is hung up on her, despite the fact that she moves on immediately... to Zander. [awkward!]

Melissa & Joey "Accidents Will Happen" (S03E31): Joe asks Mel to leave him alone for 48 hours so he can focus on a presentation to secure a loan, so when she realizes she's pregnant (first by learning it's been six weeks since she yelled at Ryder for a math test, then taking an old home pregnancy test) she keeps it a secret while trying to gauge what Joe's reaction will be. [these types of storylines are really icky to me... if the answer isn't "happy," then maybe you're not making the best choices.] Lennox learns of the truth, but must then pretend she's the one expecting when Joe finds the test in the trash. [she was incredibly unconvincing, but Joe didn't want to see that, LoL.] Joe thinks Zander is the father, so he confronts the teen... who says they haven't had sex in 8 months. [some great acting from Joey Lawrence when Mel's talking about Lennox's car accident but he thinks she's talking about Lennox's pregnancy! reminiscent of the Frasier when Roz's little secret slips out!] Zander starts to tell Lennox that he'll be there for her, and they wind up getting back together. [THIS is what does it??] To top it all off, Joe doesn't get the loan, because of his history with Scanlon. [that sucks.] Mel goes to see her doctor and learns that it was a false positive, leaving her with mixed emotions. [small Sabrina, The Teenage Witch reunion with her doctor!]

Elsewhere in the house Ryder starts taking math seriously because of Mel's lecture, though he seems to spend more time helping his tutor, Preston, look good in front of Layla, another tutored student. 

Melissa & Joey "Right Time, Right Place" (S03E32): Mel's friend is getting married at her dream venue, so Mel is gushing about the location, even if it has a two-year waiting list. [I don't know if there even IS a venue with such a wait where I got married, LoL!] The bride and groom to-be break up because he had a secret second family, and there are four weeks before the big day, so Mel decides to try using the reservations to marry Joe. [between the large chair in the dining room and the round table near the bay window, the decor in the house is a little weird now.] He's hesitant, but Lennox thinks it's because he wants to pull off a romantic one-of-a-kind proposal first. [I guess that's a reasonable way of looking at it?] Ryder sees Joe at a jewelry store, then hears him confirming reservations at a nice restaurant, so Lennox and Mel think "it's the night." [love how they went to pick out an "engagement dress" like on Legally Blonde!] But, although Joe is acting strange, the biggest step he takes at dinner is asking Mel if he can share her bedroom. Then, back at home, Joe pulls out a Tiffany's bag and gifts Ryder a nice watch, leading Mel to flip out on Joe. [thank God my husband proposed when I didn't even know engagement was on the horizon yet! I don't think I could handle the anxiety of these situations!] Then, Joe pulls out a ring box, says they'll use the reservation of her friend's, and leads Mel to a candlelit backyard with a live band. Unfortunately, she flips out that the wedding is four weeks away, as there's a lot to be done.
While all of that drama is occurring, Ryder tries to get a job, so Lennox tells him to lie on his resume and pretend he has experience. [um, he has SOME experience. remember that entrepreneurial shirt business only a few episodes ago??] 

Melissa & Joey: Together, Apart, and Everything in Between

Now that Melissa and Joey are dating, Lennox and Zander aren't, and Ryder's back in school, there are bound to be some big changes on this show. However, I wasn't expecting teen pregnancy to pop up, or Joe to not realize how problematic it could be for him to speak his mind to the press now that he's publicly attached to a politician. Lennox having typical teenage girl drama instead of advanced and unbelievable plots is good, albeit somewhat annoying.

The most intriguing topic broached lately, however, is that of collective punishment. You know, that thing that gets the entire class silent lunch when a few people are talking out of turn, or loses everyone a casual Friday because of inappropriate office behavior. I've waffled on my opinions on collective punishment my entire life, but now that I've enacted it upon my classes, I have to admit that I'm not a fan. What do you think?

Melissa & Joey "Independence Day" (S03E18): Mel and Joe go on their first date, but she wants more courting (with flowers and candy) than he thinks is necessary. Still, he goes with it but to the extreme, deciding he should live somewhere else and work for someone else. [I can see his reasoning, but it's all a little fast, no?] Mel wants him to get a nice place so she offers to chip in on rent... but he just works longer hours as a gourmet Italian food buyer. This backfires, as Mel comes to see him at the shoppe (under the guise of getting more of her favorite wine), and they wind up making out, getting him fired. [that sucks. seriously, though, people, be professional in the workplace!] So, Joe finds a job as a live-in nanny in the neighborhood. [we all know that Skype won't keep these two together, though.] 

Melissa & Joey "The New Deal" (S03E19): Ryder is able to return to school (he's been suspended all season), but he's immediately pegged as a loser when he's on the television news for witnessing an armed robbery, but they cut off his comments. It all works out in the end, however, as someone cuts the clip, uploads it to the internet, and Ryder gets a cut of the money being made on it! 

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Joe gets stuck working instead of going on a date with Mel, so Ryder makes whipped cream and pretzels for dinner. [how very Snoopy!] The next night, Joe rushes dinner, angering Mel. She goes over to his place to apologize, and they drink wine in sippy cups. [how awkward and inappropriate!] However, there's a no-guest policy, so Mel has to hide in a hurry. The situation turns her on, and they become intimate, which the owner of the house hears because of the baby monitor. [how many shows have done this? boring!] Joe tries to apologize, but the mother WANTS to hear more passion, so Joe quits and moves back in with Mel and the kids, this time paying rent. [so... Mel pays Joe and he pays her right back? not the best strategy.]  

Melissa & Joey "Feel the Burn" (S03E20): Mel has been working out so that she won't feel guilty about have a ten-course meal at a gourmet restaurant. Joe offers to train her, but Mel doesn't want him seeing her sweaty and nasty. [I can totally relate. I hate going to the gym with my husband.] When her instructor gets arrested, she decides to bring her class from the park to Joe's space, but winds up dropping when Joe is tough on everyone. This causes her to struggle to get in the mood for a romantic date, but they just pause the fight until later. [when we were first married, we did that... now, arguments have to end before we can move on, LoL.] At the restaurant, Joe finds the salmon uncooked, but Mel believes it is seared properly. Joe insists on cooking the fish more, and gets kicked out. [I can't believe he thought he knew better than the chef! nobody said you HAD to eat it, Joe!] Mel wants to stay for the experience, but decides to leave, too, in support of her man. [I would have stayed... it was a $400 meal!]

Lennox and Xander publish their web series, and get an offer to sell it. [nice!] Lennox is stuck on the fact that their long-distance relationship will fail, so she tries to create some rules, like not being exclusive constantly. [bad idea.] They wind up breaking up. [meh. I didn't like Zander much anyway.] 

Melissa & Joey "Plus One" (S03E21): Lennox is upset that Zander texts her nice things, and is annoyed that he is dragging out saying goodbye before leaving for college in Vermont. [that was an ugly animal print furry sweater!] He can't win with her - sometimes she wants to get back together, other times she wants her space. [I didn't like her blue sweater with the silver shoulders, either.] 

Ryder's lab partner is crushing on him, and Joe tells him to ask her out. He goes for it, but it takes some doing, as she's "very busy." [yeah, I'd be suspicious, too.] Turns out, she's a teen mom, so she brings her infant on the date. [oh! that's so crazy awkward! I can't imagine wanting to date someone who had a child, especially at such a young age!]

Mel takes Joe to his first political cocktail party, and although she remains neutral, he takes a stance on something to a reporter. [he's not ignorant... I'd love to know why he thought it was okay to take such a strong stance to the media!] Back home, she tells him that he needs to be cute and silent at events like that, but he wants to be more than "Michelle Obama." [ha! many years ago, I desired to be an arm-candy wife who recited poetry and played the harp and spoke only of history and literature at events such as these.] Then, she sends him to a baseball game so she can go to a ball alone, but he catches her. She tries to invite him at that point, but he goes to the game, so after a rude comment is made at the ball, she meets him there. [bleh necklace with that gown!.] At the game, Mel cheers for the away team, which winds up teaching Joe that sometimes it's better to keep you mouth shut!

Melissa & Joey: Coming Together

I think I would have preferred Joe to suffer a little longer! Of course, that might have complicated things with him moving out to avoid Mel and all, but the events taking place in this episode moved a little too quickly to seem real to me. That said, the direction of this show is sure to change, and I wonder if we're not already winding it down. Lennox is heading off to college, the kids have a new stepfather, and now Mel may be settling down to eventually begin her own family at long last. If I had to bet now, I'm thinking the series finale will come at the end of the fourth season and will feature Joe's proposal to Mel... any takers?

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Melissa & Joey "A Decent Proposal" (S03E17): Joe acts as if he's been dumped by Mel upon returning to see her with Austin, so he decides to move out. [bad six months joke.] Two days later, Austin wants to propose, and asks Lennox's opinion on a ring, as he bought three. [overkill! plus, very Gilmore Girls.] Lennox tells her that Mel doesn't like diamonds, but that falls apart when Mel is wearing diamond earrings. [haha.] Lennox convinces Joe to go intercept the proposal, and that's where things get sticky. See, Ryder had been leaning to cook so the family could survive without Joe, and he assumes his stomach hurts from bad pork. In reality, it's appendicitis, so Joe rushes him to the hospital. Mel leaves dinner to head to the hospital, spoiling the proposal, which Austin hoped would go significantly better than it did. [haha, Joe tried to put together the surgical team and even Yelped the doctors!] When Mel gets to the hospital, she tells Joe that she loves him, and he keeps talking until Lennox makes them kiss. [weird.] They decide to give their relationship a chance, and they toast with some wine. [because Mel Burke is ever anywhere without wine?] 

Melissa & Joey: Christmas Surprises

This is technically part of the regular season, but does not fit with the continuity of the storyline, so when the series resumes regular airtimes next month, expect the sexual tension between Mel and Joe to remain, but in a completely different time of year, as the series left off with a summertime trip to New Jersey. Otherwise, this holiday special stands on its own legs anyway. Meredith is a character rarely mentioned on the show, and with her portrayal here, it is easy to remember why! Mel has really stepped up and changed her life to rear her sister's teenagers, though Meredith believes that her monthly phone calls from prison are what keeps the kids on track. Joe not being able to go home for the holidays seemed like a sad idea, but because he just saw his family within in the previous few episodes, it is difficult to feel that bad for him. All that said, I really enjoyed Mel's "rise above" song, and kinda hope that Joey Lawrence releases a single of it, LoL.

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Melissa & Joey "A New Kind of Christmas" (S03E06): The airport is snowed in, so Joe is unexpectedly at home when Meredith (Lennox and Ryder's mother) arrives for two days, on a furlough from prison. [what sort of "good behavior" do you have to exhibit to be allowed to do things like that?] Neither Meredith nor Joe are happy to see one another, but Mel tries hard to make it a good time, despite the fact that she's overshadowed by her sister in every way. [I have so much hate for that woman because of how she is treating Mel!] Joe harbors so much bitterness that he squashes Meredith's gingerbread house. [I can't even begin to fathom how distraught I would be if that happened to me!]

When everyone is decorating the tree, Ryder lets it slip that they knew for weeks that Meredith was coming home, which upsets Joe. [though it seems like just as much is hid from Mel as is hid from Joe!] Meredith is now dating the judge from her trial, and he decides to propose as a Santa-suited Mel is handing out Christmas gifts. [public Christmas proposals are beyond awkward. I was present at one a few years ago and it's definitely something awkward to remember!] The judge puts aluminum foil over Meredith's tracking anklet and they take off with the kids to spend the day together, leaving Mel alone with Joe, who decides not to take a last-minute flight to New Jersey after all. [did Mel wear the same outfit only in red on Christmas Eve and green with a belt on Christmas Day?] Mel realizes later that Joe lied, but he did it to be a good person. They start to flirt a little when Lennox and Ryder get home, wanting to share Mel's Christmas to-do list with her. [awwww!]

Melissa & Joey: Joe Admits the Truth

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The love potion from Nonna apparently worked, as Joe was more than shocked that he and Mel woke up after an apparent night of passion. Though neither remembers actually being intimate, they assume they were, and hope to keep it a secret. Unfortunately (and inevitably), this doesn't happen, which forces the future of their relationship into question quicker than the roadrunner eludes the coyote. The rest of the season will not air until 2014, so viewers have several months to predict how the family will come out of this one. One big possibility would be Joe moving out of the house, possibly just coming by during the day to homeschool Ryder. Another answer could be Mel admitting that she has feelings for Joe and they start a relationship, which would be filled with antics and amusement. But many possibilities in between exist as well, so the return of the comedy next year will definitely be highly anticipated!

Melissa & Joey "What Happens in Jersey... Part 2" (S03E15) [mid-season finale]: Nonna reads her will to the family, leaving Joe her house, which Teresa has been living in for six years. But Teresa is beside the point, as in order to "earn" it, the couple must promise to stay together forever. [I thought it was funny that Teresa was about to expose the truth until Joe said that she could have the house anyway.] Mel Tiffany has no problem agreeing to that, but Joe feels that they should be more honest, especially after his grandmother passes away moments later. ["fighting! that's Italian for love!" haha] Mel thinks that it would be nothing but trouble if they stayed together, then takes a cab to the airport. Joe's mother convinces him to go after her, so he jumps in the car with Lennox and Ryder... and the rat Ryder was supposed to kill. [yep, it was an actual rat, not a shady fellow!] Both teens are in on the situation, as Lennox saw Joe in bed with Mel (so did Joe's mother for that matter), so after some pestering, Joe that he wants to be with Mel. [I'm still not sure why, as she's a bit crazy, but still.]

But, before they get home, Austin shows up at Mel's with a bouquet of flowers, asking for another chance. He is ready to reverse his vasectomy to make a family with her. So, Joe is left speechless when he walks into the house and sees Austin there. [yeah, I would be, too!]

Oh, and Lennox and Marco thing ends after she learns he only wants to make another girl jealous. [teenagers!]

Melissa & Joey: A Trip to New Jersey

Regular readers know that I'm from Jersey, and friends sometimes poke fun at the way I say certain words. I'm a loud talker, I have a big family, and there is certainly drinking when we get together. I found parts of "What Happens in Jersey" to be hilarious and relatable, but other sections to be confusing and overly stereotypical. Perhaps the fact that I grew up 50 miles west of Secaucus explains it, or that I have no Italian heritage, but I was none too thrilled at yelling meaning being "New Jersey for 'I love you'" or "I ain't goin'!" being standard speak. Those nitpicks aside, it was amusing to see Mel dressed up like Tiffany, and the entire family being in on the secret except Nonna.    

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Melissa & Joey "What Happens in Jersey... Part 1" (S03E14): Joe's grandmother is turning 99 years old and wants to see Joe and Tiffany for her birthday, unaware that the relationship ended. [I always find it really awkward to keep things like that from family members. I've seen it happen, and those holiday dinners are miserable.] But, Nonna's eyesight has deteriorated quite a bit, so he realizes that he could fake it with Mel. [haha: "this is a conversational tone in New Jersey." also, I had forgotten about the nicknames JoJoBee and TiffyPop.] After fighting it, Mel decides to go to New Jersey with Joe, and they bring along the kids. [haha, the Roseanne blanket!]

The Ohioans have a hotel room booked, but when Nonna asks them to stay at the house, they reluctantly agree. [Joe's teen posters are of Vendela Kirsebom and Ashley Montana??] Mel moves to another room to sleep, but Nonna finds her in the night and suspects unhappiness, so she asks about the intimacy between Mel Tiffany and Joe. [awkward!] The next day, she gives Mel and Joe a "love potion," which worries several family members. [sandwiches! outside Northeast, people just don't get how delicious a good sandwich is!]

Joe's nephew, Marco, hits on Lennox, but she keeps it platonic... right up until he hits some street punk bothering her. [figures.] And Joe's mother asks Ryder to "kill a rat" in the neighborhood, but he suspects she wants him to murder someone. 

Melissa & Joey: Decisions Have Consequences

I wanted to go to Oberlin for a hot minute during my senior year of high school. Small schools appealed to me (I like being the center of attention and feared that wouldn't happen at a university with 30,000 undergraduates), and I had been playing the violin for six years. I hadn't really seriously considered making music my life, but the brochure was glossy and I loved the idea of going far away from everyone (Florida to Ohio and all). Then I had that moment of clarity where I realized that I'd never make it as a professional musician, and that theatre was the safer choice. I never considered a situation where I wouldn't excel in theatre, despite having never taken a drama class. But that's a story for another day. Lennox choosing Oberlin was more likely due to its proximity to Toledo, and the fact that she is a humanities person. That she was willing to skip an education when she can't make a decision, however, was ridiculous. Surely Mel took her to visit the campuses she is considering, so it is surprising that one didn't stand out more than the others. Or that one isn't giving her a larger scholarship than the others, for that matter. Still, Mel's calm reaction to the lovebirds' announcement was impressive... I don't think I could fake that kind of support on my best day.

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Melissa & Joey "Teach Your Children" (S03E13): Lennox and Zander can't decide where to attend college, so they announce that they want to travel the country in a van instead. [hate Lennox's hair like that!] Mel uses the principle that she does the exact opposite of what her parents did, so she goes ahead and puts a down-payment on tuition so Lennox will have a fall-back plan. Lennox finds out and believes that Mel doesn't trust her to make her own decisions. [that is kinda what happened, but it's also just looking out for her niece's best interest.] However, when Zander's dad threatens to cut him off if he doesn't go to college, he jumps at picking an art school on daddy's dime, though Lennox takes it as Zander bailing on their relationship. [I realize that Lennox is supposed to represent today's liberal teenager, but she is just too much of a hippie sometimes!]

Joe tutors a kid named Jeremy, and dates the kid's mother as well. However, when she has to defer payments, she tells her friends that Joe accepts intimacy in lieu of cash, which Joe quickly nips in the bud. However, he loses the relationship over it.

After trying a bite of Ryder's pizza, Kira realizes what she has been missing while growing up vegan. [a Gestalt therapist? really??] She demands he make her a hamburger, but the multiple meats in Joe's special recipe don't agree with her stomach. ["I need a bathroom"?? she's been over there a ton of times and doesn't know where a restroom is?]

Melissa & Joey: Being a Bad Example

Because this comedy has such a habit of pushing the adults' storylines at the forefront and keeping Ryder and Lennox around purely to maintain a wider audience, it is nice to see the plots interact like in "Bad Influence." Mel and Joe often have issues of maturity when it comes to raising and setting good examples for the teenagers, but sometimes the audience is reminded of how far each has come from their own wild days. In this episode, Mel, now a potential senator, is hoping that her young, sexual self will stay below the radar when some intimate acts might go public. Joe, always the saving grace, is bound and determined to help her, and not just because he has been harboring a fierce fondness for his boss. However, he is more known in the circles of white collar crime, so breaking and entering is not his strong suit. Enter Devon, Lennox's recently sprung jailbird pen pal, of whom the adults are initially fearful. However, when they decide to casually ask his advice on deactivating alarms, everyone is surprised to learn that Devon is more of the wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time crook. And, while the duo is able to recover the tape, Lennox and Ryder learn what the fuss was about, once again demonstrating poor examples to follow.

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Melissa & Joey "Bad Influence" (S03E12): Joe and Ryder have a garage sale, unknowingly selling off the special contents of one of Mel's old nightstands. Inside was a sex "love" tape, now in the possession of a neighbor named Andrew. Well, as Mel was approached about running for state senate, she is now very careful about her image and wants it back immediately. [this means that "Family Feud" takes place after this...] She asks nicely, but once Andrew realizes that she is the reason there are now speed bumps where he used to rev up his Porsche, he refuses. [not surprised.] Joe learns from Ryder that the nightstand is in Andrew's garage, so he and Mel plan a heist.

However, the time for the caper conflicts with the dinner for Lennox's prison pen pal, Devon, who has just been released. [can't blame Joe for wanting to stop all communication! I thought that prison pen pal stuff all went through a third party organization for protection reasons?] After Mel realizes that Andrew has an alarm system, she and Joe try to ask Devon for advice, only to learn that he doesn't know anything. Fortunately, the window is open, so it's a simple break-in. [having Andrew almost come home led to a forced tension-filled scene between Mel and Joe.] When they return with the video, their bragging about their success causes Devon to leave immediately, afraid that he's running with the wrong crowd yet again. [haha!] Lennox figures out the contents of the videocassette, then Joe destroys the evidence so this cannot happen again. [I found it awkward that Mel wanted to keep it as a memento!]

Melissa & Joey: Mel's Five-Year Plan

When teenage girls sit around at slumber parties gossiping over boys, things can turn serious and they might start setting goals for themselves regarding when they want to be married and have children. But once a woman is 20, she should probably mature and go with the flow. Sure, Rachel on Friends had a timeline that got skewed when she turned 30 (and then again when she became pregnant), but Mel having one at 35 seems so problematic. Take a look:

Stage 1: get to know each other, 6 months.
Stage 2: talk about moving in, 6 months.
Stage 3: move in together, talk about marriage, get a dog (and name it something funny like Gary or Beans), 12 months.
Stage 4: get married, talk about kids.
Stage 5: Have Mason, Braydon, and little baby Tucker. [those are Melissa Joan Hart's actual children's names, by the way.]

It's not the worst timeline in the world, but Joe was absolutely correct in noting that she might be spending too much time with a guy before they start discussing marriage and children. It might not be first date material, but surely people must discuss what they want out of life within the first couple of months! If your ideals clash, why move forward? Of course, this all seems to exist merely to drive Joe and Mel together, as she recently ended a relationship over differences of opinion on child-rearing. Has it been long enough that Mel and Joe could actually get together and the series wouldn't fall apart? Perhaps another half-season would be safer...

Melissa & Joey "Fast Times" (S03E11): Mel is seeing Noah, a public defender, and thinks that they're a perfect match. [the "expert at getting people off" line was a bit raunchy!] Noah's place floods so he has to stay elsewhere for a week, so Mel offers her place. [Noah is played by Justin Hartley! hello, Emily Owens hottie!] This means that she has to act like she has luxurious breakfasts and doesn't drink coffee to impress the guy, but she can only compromise for so long.

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For instance, she can handle his bathmat placement and his disdain for her lotion scene, but not that he doesn't like her sleeping with a bunch of blankets and an open window. [I also like cool air on my face and generally prefer a low temperature with a snuggly comforter, so I can relate.] So, she sleeps in Joe's room instead, keeping in mind that it's only a few days. However, Noah finds out that there is mold in his apartment and he will now be misplaced for a couple months, but Mel lies and says that they're having duct work done the next week so there won't be room for him to stay. [awkward!] Joe tries to bust up the relationship by reading the couple a magazine quiz to see if they're meant to be. They do great, right up until the "are you in love with someone else?" question. She hesitates, but gets away with not answering when Noah admits that he still has feelings for an old girlfriend, ending the relationship. [jaw drop!]

Elsewhere in the house... Lennox is an unpaid intern for the Toledo Blade, but the hours are 6-8am and she can't force herself to get up at 4:30am. She's five minutes late her first day and gets a warning. [what's with that coat with tails??] The next day, she keeps hitting snooze, and Joe and Ryder purposely let her sleep, resulting in her losing the position. She blames them for not waking her, and Joe even calls her boss to try helping out, but no dice. [if she was really that excited about the internship, she could have handled the time. just saying.]

Melissa & Joey: The Images of Lennox and Ryder

note: Recaps and Remarks are going up later than usual due to Comic-Con and TCA.

So, although so much has changed since I was in high school, not everything has. We didn't have social media networks, so I can't relate to Ryder's catastrophic decrease in friends, but I do remember acting dumber for the benefit of others. I can't say that I was jealous of a friend who scored 250 points more on their SATs than I did (we were all busy wondering how a class clown bested all of us with his 1400s score!), but I also wasn't clever enough to just show someone else's chemistry midterm to look a little less dorky. I purposely didn't read Call of the Wild in seventh grade so I wouldn't get a great score on a quiz... and, just like when I learned a pair of Calvin Klein jeans wouldn't make me popular, I discovered that having something in common with "the cool kids" wasn't enough to grant me the same "happiness." Similarly, like Ryder, I also tried a "bad girl" image, which worked better than anything else but was too difficult to maintain when I ran out of movie references. Image is a big deal to teens, but fortunately its prominence fades away quite a bit if you go to a large state school...

Melissa & Joey "The Unfriending" (S03E08): Mel's friend, Anita, comes over, but Joe thinks it's a bad idea because Anita isn't a good person. [she really sounds horrible, actually.] Mel tells her that she only has an hour, but Anita gives her puppy-dog eyes and asks her to go to a bar. Mel winds up missing a meeting with the mayor the next day because of the antics, and Joe tells her that she needs to cut off all ties with the woman. [that might be a little harsh.] He even demonstrates how to do it. [haha!] Mel follows through, but when Joe heads grocery shopping, he runs into Anita, who uses the eyes on him to start a relationship. But, Mel suspects that Anita is using Joe to be near her, only he won't believe it until Anita is forced to admit it. [saying it was "a means to an end" was a bit too much, I thought.] 

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Holly unfriends Ryder, and then other kids at school follow suit, causing him to lose hundreds of friends, including Lennox. Home-bound Ryder becomes desperate to look more popular again, even blackmailing Zander into friending him after he learns that the kid is smarter than Lennox but faking it so she doesn't freak out. [you get your SAT scores via email now?? man, I remember waiting for those results every day in the mail all those years ago... also, Lennox's outfit was hideous.] What actually helps, however, is when Anita friends Ryder, as her many risque pictures quickly get him a lot of "friends."

Melissa & Joey "Something Happened" (S03E09): Joe is paranoid that Lennox will have sex with about-to-be-18-years-old Zander, so he spends a lot of time with the teen at the batting cages to wear him out. But, it's too late, as Mel reads Lennox's blog, noting that she's already had sex, and it wasn't that mind-blowing. [I couldn't imagine putting that on the internet!] Joe wants to live in denial while Mel thinks that she should spice up the experience for her niece. [I also cannot fathom a world where you want your teen to have better/more sex!] Lennox is embarrassed but she then turns to Mel anyway when Zander dumps her because of what she put on the internet. [funny that Zander figured the batting cages would be a place where nobody would look for him.] 

Kira thinks Ryder is a "bad boy" because of his suspension, so he pretends that he's a real gangster, using television characters' names from Boardwalk Empire and The Sopranos for the sheltered girl. Unfortunately, she tells her mothers, who ban their daughter from seeing him. [I was never able to understand kids who told their parents everything. they certainly ruined all our fun, LoL.] He has to come clean to keep the relationship alive, though Kira still thinks that he's a bad boy who lied to her parents, not to her. [haha, making up evil deeds to seem cool. I was there once, too.]

Melissa & Joey "Family Feud" (S03E10): Zander spends the night in Lennox's room because he was drinking the night before. [ugh.] This obviously becomes the main attraction for Joe and Mel to discuss, but they just so happen to do so on local television, where they're filling in as co-hosts on a morning show for a week. [that was a TERRIBLE commercial! I can't believe they were given a larger assignment based on that!] Although Lennox doesn't hear it, Zander pretends that his parents kicked him out of their house because of it. [the key word being "pretends," as Joe later goes after the kid when he learns it isn't true!] Mel wants to make an apology on the air the next morning, but Lennox tells her to keep quiet about her homelife.

Of course, that only means Ryder comes up instead, and Joe talks about how he's far from being sexually active. [I could see how that would be embarrassing, but nowhere near as much as the conversation about Lennox!] Lennox decides that "over-sharing is a two-way street" and tweets about Mel's oenophile tendencies. [yikes!] Though it is making Mel more of a household name (which is important for a state senate candidate), she and and Joe must leave the show before they exploit their family further. [another month?? don't local shows usually shake up the guest hosts in times like this?] They even tell the teens that they were fired for being boring. [I'm still curious as to how everyone was watching a morning show live...]

Melissa & Joey: Mel Wants Kids

For whatever reason, certain episode titles stick in your memory. So, seeing this installment called "The Unkindest Cut" brought back memories of Frasier's episode, "The Unkindest Cut of All." The latter was referring to the neutering of Eddie, Marty Crane's pooch, but certainly correlated with Austin's vasectomy in Melissa & Joey. Vasectomies aren't absent from television (Home Improvement, Reba, and Everybody Loves Raymond are just a few family comedies with episodes addressing the procedure and its effects), but they're also not a topic that appears on every series. For some viewers, the episode just further proved that Mel and Joe belong together, though it's more likely that Mel will just begin being pickier with her men, as she realizes her biological clock is ticking.

Melissa & Joey "The Unkindest Cut" (S03E07): Austin gets the "go ahead" from his injury, so he and Mel plan an intimate outing, leading Austin to announce that he had a vasectomy when he was 25. [I love that she was insistent on birth control, even though she kinda wants his babies.] Mel is turned off and starts looking into reversal procedures, but Austin makes it clear that he doesn't want children, preferring to spoil just a partner. [I have no problem with that attitude, but it's definitely something the couple needs to agree on!] At first she thinks that she can live without having children, but then she realizes that kids are a dealbreaker for her (courtesy of Joe nannying for a neighbor's baby), ending the relationship. 

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Joe is seeing a girl named Chardonnay, which Mel sees as all physical. Joe tries to learn more about the woman, but she wants to keep it shallow.

Lennox is struggling to finish her college admissions essays so she asks Ryder to reprimand her so she'll finish. [I liked her laptop cover for a second, but then it got annoying.] Mel doesn't like Lennox's work and makes her do it over, and in the end Mel gets sentimental about Lennox's thoughts. [I don't know if I've ever seen the word "pulchritudinous" before...]

Melissa & Joey: Austin's the New Guy

Mel and Joe's secret little, unadmitted crushes on one another are getting weird. It's been 40-50 episodes now, so still potentially a little soon for the writers to actually get them together, but I have a feeling it's coming. Why else would the "subtle hints" have given way to outward displays of caring here and there? For a second there, I was kinda convinced that Joe was going to tell Mel the truth! That certainly would have upped the drama, though perhaps that would have been preferable to Ryder sucking up the plotline with his ridiculous "dress code" problems and friend woes. On that note, I don't really understand how Ryder is going to go on a date when he's seemingly grounded from doing anything...I hope that we're back to Mel & Austin's weekend getaway plans next week!

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Melissa & Joey "Oh Brother" (S03E05): Mel's childhood neighbor, Austin, moves back to town, and Joe immediately thinks that the guy wants in Mel's pants. [not completely unbelievable.] Mel admits that she wants it to be more than a friendship, but Joe starts to think that the two may be half-siblings, based on old photos. [a little extreme, but not unheard of.] Joe tries to convince Mel that she needs to be sure before doing anything intimate, and she promptly tries to get some of Austin's DNA. [I loved that she cut his hair before knowing that it needed to be pulled from the root!] She winds up having to tell Austin, and he's completely on-board with checking his paternity. When the test comes back negative, they get right to making out.

Meanwhile, Lennox gets a condom company to put ads on her blog, earning a handsome payment. [nice!] But, Ryder uncovers poor business practices with the company, causing Lennox to be upset about her "blood money," so-to-speak, which she used to buy a new phone. Mel solves the problem by swapping devices with her. [ha.]

Melissa & Joey "The Truth Hurts" (S03E06): Ryder is worried that his friends have forgotten about him, so Joe arranges for another homeschooler, Leland, to take government with Ryder. [a decent idea.] But, the kid is really into things like Klingon and computer games, annoying Ryder. Lennox suggests that Ryder can't stand the geek because he resents his own geeky side. [oooh! nail on the head!] Ryder tries to be nice, but soon offends the guy, causing his older sister, Kira, to come by and yell at Ryder. The anger doesn't last long, however, and the two wind up with semi-firm date plans to go bowling. 

While Ryder's having his crisis, Mel tries to get Joe to hang out with Austin, and the two get overly competitive in a game of pool. In fact, Joe accidentally injures Austin, causing Lennox begins to suspect that Joe subconsciously has feelings for Mel. [so Lennox is going to be in on this now? how long before she's stuck in the middle??] He winds up admitting to Mel that he's jealous of her relationship, as he's alone. [and she buys it, hook, line, and sinker.]

Melissa & Joey: Jobs, Kissing, Drawing, Being Intimate

For some reason, my DVR didn't record the second episode last night. And, IMDB didn't even register that two aired, so I was a little confused for a minute there. Luckily, ABC Family has a pretty generous streaming policy, so all was well pretty quickly. I found both episodes to be pretty decent, though I preferred "Inside Job." Once again, I know that this isn't a drama, but I think that Joe interviewing for a position and getting his supervisor fired in the same episode rushes things just a bit. Also, I don't know if I'm just suspicious or what, but I totally expected Mel and Joe to have two recording devices on them when they tried to trap Wagner. Regarding "Can't Hardly Wait," maybe it's because I'm familiar with the bad girl roles Marla Sokoloff played as a teenager, but she was completely unbelievable as a 28-year-old virgin to me. And, both Mel and Joe's reactions to her character were disappointing. Finally, keeping Ryder confined to the house really allows him no storylines of his own, and he mainly acts within Lennox's, which are weak anyway. Too bad.

Melissa & Joey  "Inside Job" (S03E03): Joe wants a part-time job with the city, but Mel discourages him. Joe comes into the interview with some ideas for cost-cutting already, but it doesn't matter, he's hired just because Mel likes him. [you know, "it's all about trust."] He's given the finances for the past three years to figure out some inefficiencies, and he quickly finds a $1.2M discrepancy on the books. [pretty significant!] But, it doesn't bother anyone else that all the money is missing, and Joe is encouraged to keep quiet about it so he isn't blamed for another scandal. [boo.] Joe thinks that he and Mel should set up Wagner to confess, but the man quickly figures out that Mel is wearing a wire. Fortunately, they had a second recording device, so when Wagner confesses and threatens, it's on tape! [ha!] Of course, Joe looks bad anyway, as he was on-staff when the corruption was uncovered. [so... another failed career?]

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Lennox starts rehearsals on a play, and she begins to have feelings for another actor after they share a kiss in a scene. This is easily solved, however, as the guy is gay and tells Zander about the issue, so he makes it up to Lennox. [boooooring!]

Melissa & Joey  "Can't Hardly Wait" (S03E04): Joe throws out his back (about to get lucky with a lady) and then hits on his chiropractor. [pig.] Mel encourages him to wait on being intimate with Chelsea, and he thinks it's a good idea... until he learns that Chelsea is a virgin, so he might be waiting a while. Chelsea comes by the house to meet Mel, who asks her how she lives without sex. [and she's SO AWKWARD about it!] Joe thinks about breaking up with her, but when he winds up putting out a fire, Chelsea decides that he's good enough to lose her virginity to. On the flip side, however, he worries that he's not in love with Chelsea and asks Mel to break up with her. [I was sad that we didn't get to see that scene!]

Zander wants to draw for one of Ryder's stories, so they create them Home Boy graphic novel together. [silly title.] Lennox gets jealous so she joins the team, but her suggestions annoy both of the guys and they conspire to get her off the team. [status quo, yeah.]

RETURNING: Melissa & Joey: Joe as a Teacher...

I've come to realize that I watch this show for the adult characters way more than the teenagers. Is that weird? I think that Melissa and Joey are really funny and their characters have the craziest lines and plot points, but not yet too unbelievable to be annoying. And, although knocks at Florida State anger me, the jokes tend to be timely and humorous. Of course, that's not to say this is a perfect sitcom, because it definitely isn't. For one, there's always something going on with the looks of the main characters... Joe's new hairstyle for this season and Lennox's pink/red splotches both caught me off-guard, as did Ryder's height now!

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Complaints aside, I'm intrigued as far as what the outlined plots will mean for this season... a lot of Ryder at home and a lot of Lennox exploring her independence, I guess... any thoughts?

Melissa & Joey "Works for Me" (S03E01): Joe gets a new job offer, but it's unfortunately another nanny position so he's disappointed. [I would be, too!] He realizes that the kids are getting older and he's not needed as much anymore, but Mel tries to convince him to stay by creating work for him to do. Well, the busywork isn't needed for long, as Ryder soon creates full-time work for Joe... the teen smoked pot on a school camping trip and has been suspended for three months! [I giggled at Mel's reaction that he should have denied the accusation, but it felt wrong to laugh...]

Lennox's artsy boyfriend, Zander, starts sketching people besides her, like a girl at a coffeeshop, causing some jealousy. [stupid "easier" joke!] Turns out, Lennox's spirit is just too difficult to capture on a page! [barf.]

Melissa & Joey "Toxic Parents" (S03E02): Mel and Joe are both happy with their current significant others, until it turns out that they're dating a divorced couple! [what guy rolls up the cuffs of his jeans??] It's only a matter of time before the exes start causing problems for Mel and Joe, especially when they care for the son of the broken marriage. They get the kid stuck in a storm drain in the park, and that ends the relationships for everyone. [it was kind of horrible.]

Ryder is not in love with homeschool and isn't really trying, until he decides to build a school out of cardboard boxes as an art project. [...whoa.]

Lennox is upset that Zander thinks he can tell her not to get a tattoo. She decides to get one anyway, but he manages to talk her out of it at the last minute. [I was shocked that the parlor didn't bother IDing her or anything...] 

Melissa & Joey: Joe Meets a Russian Girl...

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

A smart fan knew that Mel and Joe weren't actually going to get married, despite the hype and comments and teasers that ABCFamily tried to plant. Still, the mid-season finale being titled, "Mel Marries Joe" is a bit confusing until you realize that she has the power to officiate a wedding ceremony. It actually isn't that great of an episode, with Joe's bride, Elena, leaving him mere hours after being at the altar. Luckily, the two episodes leading up to this one were much better, giving Lennox some decent (albeit too innocent) storylines and allowing Ryder just enough screentime to make a fool of himself. Repeatedly. Truth be told, I'm not thrilled with the direction that this show is taking, and I'm a little sad to say that I might have to cut my ties if the next batch of episodes continues to be disappointing. What say you - do you think that the show is still comic gold or do you agree that it has been faltering lately?

Melissa & Joey "Wherefore Art Lennox" (S02E13): Lennox has an internship at City Hall for three weeks. [useless exchange between Joe and Ryder about the kid wanting to skip school for an internship as well. and WHAT?? she's missing three weeks of school for this mess??] A councilwoman comes to see Mel about canceling a street party, claiming it brings sewage, trash, and debris (STDs). [stupid, STUPID STD jab.] The councilwoman has brought her own intern (who has three days of experience) and he hits it off with Lennox. Mel gets jealous that Lennox is spending time with the intern, Cameron, but when the teen suggests some compromises that help out "the other side," Mel gets defensive and Lennox quits. [Mel's excitement over having a "mini-me" was odd.]

Ryder has a hickey but Mel doesn't freak, instead offering him makeup to cover it. On the flip side, Joe tells him that hickeys are a "badge of honor" and that he should wear it proudly. Well, that provokes Ryder to admit that it isn't from Holly -  and later he comes clean that the vacuum did it. [remember when I said that Ryder sits around making a fool of himself? well, here's exhibit A...]

Joe is aloof during the day, claiming insomnia before admitting that he's actually moonlighting for a Russian company online from 1-3am. [I don't understand why he came clean so soon. if that's the case, why even lie in the first place?] Joe is struggling, burning lasagna and packing sponges for lunch. Of course, it's not just business meetings... he's cyber-dating a woman from those meetings as well, and a few "dates" later, Elena arrives in Toledo! [awkward!]

Melissa & Joey "From Russia with Love" (S02E14): Elena has been there for three days and the housework is beginning to be ignored. When Joe heads off to a poker networking event (yeah, I don't get it, either), he leaves Elena with Mel, and they drink and are nice to one another. When Joe gets home, Mel even helps them make up. Of course, our favorite protagonist also comes to the realization that she has real feelings for Joe, though she disguises them by continuing to feed him lines to tell Elena. [I feel like this would be a romance out of convenience and wouldn't last anyway, but we'll save that for another day.] The next day, the Russian company has been disbanded because of a Ponzi scheme, and Elena is afraid to go back to St. Petersburg because she'll get arrested. Joe can't find a good defense attorney for her, so he decides that marrying her would help things. [hahahahahaha!]

Lennox is on a quest to prove how unhealthy the food is in the school vending machines, so she vows to subsist off of it for three days. She doesn't like the selection, though, and Ryder begs to be the guinea pig. Some researcher he is, however, as Lennox catches him munching on a carrot a couple of days later. [again, he sucks.] It doesn't matter too much, though, because the blog posts go viral, the parents get enraged, and the school decides to stock the vending machines with healthy food. [that's a fancy machine! it all happened a bit too quickly to be realistic, though!] Lennox becomes a target at school because of it all, while Ryder decides to take advantage of the situation by selling sugar-loaded food for three bucks an item. [this part was actually funny. well, not the Lennox part, but the Ryder part!]

Melissa & Joey "Mel Marries Joe" (S02E15) [mid-season finale]: Ryder helps put together the wedding, but when the feds show up, it's Mel who has to try legitimizing things by saying that she'll be officiating the wedding. [that whole scene where Lennox claims that she can lie all day was garbage! we know she sucks at lying!] Mel also offers Elena her wedding gown from three years ago, which the Russian happily accepts.

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The ceremony is at Mel's office, and while she's officiating, she also objects, holding a sidebar with Joe where he admits to actually falling in love with Elena. [eep! too fast, Joe!] Later, Joe calls Mel, saying that Elena hasn't returned after taking a call in Russian. [eep indeed!] Mel goes looking for her, but Elena returns on her own, saying that she must go to Russia after all to help a colleague. She thanks Joe for rescuing her, but they need to "just be friends." [ouch!] The episode ends with Tiffany (Joe's first wife) calling collect, asking him to help her change a tire. [where was she that she called collect?? if her tire was busted, wouldn't she just phone from her cell? I thought this was set-up poorly...] 

Melissa & Joey: Mel's Mom Won't Leave!

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

How many episodes of television have you seen where the main storyline is about someone's parent coming to visit and being overly critical of everything? If you include in-laws, I think the number is pretty high! So, I wasn't all that thrilled with the bulk of this episode, though the B-plot with a lying Lennox was pretty good... though I totally don't believe that she was unable to lie just last episode and can now keep a lie going for multiple days! I particularly loved how Mel worked that right on in to her plan to ditch Monica, though!

Melissa & Joey "Mother of All Problems" (S02E12): Mel's uber-critical mother, Monica, has come to visit. [as much as she nitpicked at every little thing, I think what made me angriest was that she constantly forgot Ryder's name!] Ryder, Lennox, and Mel try to avoid Monica as much as possible, though Joe tries to get to the bottom of the visit... it seems that her husband left her for a younger woman just days before their anniversary. Mel isn't surprised until Monica announces that she's going to file for divorce... because of Joe's advice to move on with her life. [what was with those plants in little window-box-type-things on the sides of the house? Is this the first time we're seeing them?] Monica begins to re-decorate the living room, planning to stay for the long term. Joe keeps trying to calm Mel... right up until he finds out that Monica ruined one of his pans. ["what the hell did she stir it with? a backhoe?" was funny!] Mel tries to send her mom on vacation, but the woman doesn't want to travel alone

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Okay, let's switch gears for a second... in order to get out of soccer for the next two months of gym classes, Lennox goes to make an excuse about her period, but the coach misunderstands and thinks that she's pregnant. [it was a teeny bit too contrived, but it was almost genuinely funny.] Lennox goes along with it, but she knows it won't work in the long run. When she tries to come clean, the coach cuts her off by explaining her own teenage pregnancy. [yikes! didn't see this going there!] The news is soon leaked to the class, so Lennox comes home and tells Mel and Joe... who decide to use this opportunity to remind Monica how crazy it is to live with teenagers. [I LOVED the look that Mel gave Joe to make him come over and get involved!] Monica takes it the other way, and feels that she'll be needed when Lennox has an infant. [whoa.] Because that scheme didn't work, Lennox has to explain the truth to Monica. BUT, things are looking up when Joe thinks that maybe the younger woman is only after the Burke fortune, so Mel calls the woman to inform her of Mr. Burke's vasectomy, ending that relationship. Monica and her man make up, and they plan a quick getaway. [all's well that ends well? and what was with Joe's sweater?] The only thing left is for Lennox to be honest with her gym teacher, so she explains that it was all a false alarm... but the coach has her talk to a group of at-risk youth anyway. [well, do you think that Lennox's new service project will become an ongoing thing of sorts? I don't think it would really fit in with the comedic tone of this show, but I could see Lennox making friends with some troubled teens...]

Melissa & Joey: Co-Parenting

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

The somewhat-obligatory learn-to-drive episode. They're not as common now as they were in the 90s, but they're still around. And, like they tended to be back then, there's a conflict between the "parent" and the "child," but we mostly see their opposing viewpoints on how the lessons are going. Given what we already know of Lennox's personality, however, I imagine that she's just really freaked about driving and Mel is probably somewhat calm. Not surprisingly, Joe steps in to give Lennox "secret" lessons, though, of course, they don't stay clandestine for long. I blame the fact that this show is more comedy than drama, as characters tend to keep their mouths shut more often on dramas. But, then I'm asking for this show to be something it's not, and that rarely works. On that note, I'm not really sure what the writers are trying to do with Ryder's character... sometimes I wonder if the creators regret giving Lennox a brother, because they only ever find very random stuff to do with him. Completing community service by cataloging shoes? That's what they have the boy doing this episode? I don't see how it really added to anything, except maybe to make Joe look awkward around Ryder's "interests." What a fail.

Melissa & Joey "A Pair of Sneakers" (S02E11): [Is that a new house or just a weird angle?] Lennox and Mel fight after a driving lesson.

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[love that purple color but not the shape of Mel's blouse. same with the plum one later in the episode] Joe has them each recap the lesson, and, of course, the versions are drastically different. Joe offers to take over teaching Lennox instead, but Mel demands that he doesn't. [hear that? DEMANDS!] He does anyway, and tells Lennox to keep it a secret. [ha!] While practicing her reverse skills, Lennox hits a mailbox, but Joe takes the fall, even if it means admitting that Mel is a better driver. However, he continues with the secret lessons, and Lennox is starting to fall apart over keeping quiet. [I don't understand people who don't know how to lie. seriously.] When the owner of the mailbox comes to get a check for the correct amount, Mel finds out the truth, leading her to act like her car will cost an exorbitant amount to fix, putting Joe in a real bind. He keeps to the story, though, right up until Lennox blows his cover by confessing. Then, we learn just why Mel is so dead-set on being Lennox's driving instructor - she was taught to drive by her dad's chauffeur, so she wanted Lennox to have a loving family member give her that memory. [do you remember a lot about your driving lessons? I only have vague memories of learning to drive... I don't even remember when I actually got my license... I know I was 16 but it wasn't right away.] Mel gets pretty emotional, even telling Joe that he's really a "co-parent" to Lennox and Ryder... leading the two to realize that they need to be honest with one another here on out... though she almost immediately tries to hide something else. [It was nice that Mel and Joe said this, but I highly doubt it's going to become a regular thing...]

Looking at what Ryder is up to this episode, we first see him photographing Mel's shoes and putting the pictures on the outside of the boxes so they'd be better organized. [I'm always caught off-guard by people who keep all of their shoes in the boxes! though, with my current show closet, I could see that being helpful.] He's counting it as community service for school, as he specifically needs to help "the City of Toledo," and Mel has him believing that the city benefits from her dressing quicker on her way to meetings. [this is SUCH A STRETCH that I can hardly believe Mel would do that to Ryder! this is a school requirement!] To make matters worse, he needs twenty hours and the shoes only took ten, so Mel has him go through the rest of her closet to search for flaws in garments! Joe witnesses Ryder checking pantyhose for runs, and Mel ends up having to come clean about her ploy. [well, at least this probably won't be an ongoing gag... right? Also, Ryder seems taller in this episode..... anyone agree?]