Simpsons: Life Has Its Ups and Downs

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I can't really blame Bart. I love cruises, too. And, the song was right - the future does seem parabolic when you realize that more than half of your vacation is over and you'll soon be back to the mundane drudgery that is your life. On my most recent cruise, I even kinda hoped for a small delay to give us an extra day... there was a medical emergency that stalled us a few hours, but that was it. Using a random never-heard-of catastrophe movie to fool everyone into thinking there was a worldwide quarantine was a bit far-fetched, though. I also don't believe that there is only one way to connect with the shore on that ship... wouldn't they still have radios or telegraphs or something? The worst part of the episode falls on VeryOldBart, who didn't impress me at all. What did you think of him? And of his younger self's ploys, for that matter?

The Simpsons "A Totally Fun Thing Bart Will Never Do Again" (S23E19): [Boo on a repeat couch gag! They showed the one where the words for the items are seen but not the items themselves.] Bart is tired of the same thing day in and day out and wants to go on a cruise, but the family can't afford it. So, the kid takes it upon himself to raise the money by selling everything in his bedroom, even if it means he has to sleep on the floor. [raptured/craptured was good. Moe eating baby teeth? notsomuch.] The rest of the family decides to sell some of their stuff to make up the difference, like some of Lisa's rare jazz records, the (stolen) good family china, and a mini pool table. [I liked how Lisa tried to defend jazz once again. And Homer did a great job of complaining about the trials and tribulations of being a father when on vacation!] It's even their lucky day - the ship was overbooked so they are upgraded aboard the Royalty Valhalla.

The kids go off on their own while Homer and Marge enjoy some lovemaking. We never see what Maggie does (though I bet she showed up to "onesie bedazzling class"), but Lisa enjoys KidZone Elite, where she can attend Junior TED Talks and participate in a writers' workshop, while being around the children of diplomats. Meanwhile, Bart tries to do everything - water slides, go-karts, indoor skydiving, even the cruise ship history lecture. [I haven't seen that option before...] At dinner halfway through the cruise, the cruise director sings about enjoying the cruise life while you can, which angers Bart. So, he wants to make the vacation last forever. He airs clips from a DVD to make it seem like there's a worldwide quarantine because of a deadly Pandora virus. [haha] He also destroys the ship-to-shore communication center. [I understand why he felt the need to do that, but I think that was going a little far.] The bulk of the ship panics, and in another 12 days, everything has fallen apart. They're even dining upon seagull, barnacles, and jellyfish. [bleh!] A cult has sprung up, parents are worried about the inevitable doomsday, the elite kids have taken to copying books for future preservation, and the course is set for Antarctica. Somehow, Marge and Lisa discover that the "news report" is from a movie, confront Bart, and force him to come clean. [loved how one of the actors was on the ship and didn't recognize the movie!]

CR: FOX

The family is left in Antarctica, and Lisa uses penguins to teach Bart that fun can't last forever, but it's still worth having to break up the monotony of everyday life. [nice lesson.]

And, in case you were wondering, some of the activities on the "Fun Schedule" included: XBOX with PS3 controllers, Human Super Mario Brothers, chimp sign language, astronaut training with certified cosmonaut, tie-dye your own cowboy hat, Sith training with certified Sith lord, punch through paintings, real life Tetris, Power Ranger lessons from a former Pink, sell your cruise ship thriller screenplay, fake Broadway auditions, advanced mess with an octopus, hull painting, and Norwegian swearing.

GCB: BBQ Time!

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I have to hand it to GCB this week. I didn't care about large portions of the episode, but they finally got their corny titles and phrases to fit the show and they managed to have a wholesome lesson that multiple townspeople took part in. I mean, c'mon, "Braise the Lord" is pretty funny. And, the episode actually managed to work in the fact that Amanda has children. Sure, we had to push aside the Luke-Amanda and Gigi-Burl storylines to do it, but I thought it was a nice change of pace. Of course, we can't drop Carlene's condos or Sharon's meal baskets, but the bigger picture revealed that this was a decent episode. The previews for the season finale sure don't look all that great, and I'd be lying if I said I'm behind the show getting renewed. It has until the 15th to "wow" folks...

GCB "Adam & Eve's Rib" (S01E09): There's a big barbecue competition coming up between various churches, and for our Dallas friends, the men usually do the competing while the women cheer. Things change when Laura wants to help and is turned down because "it's a man's game." Amanda, not wanting her daughter to think that there are certain things that women cannot do, starts her own team with her daughter. [Laura wanting to serve tofu was hilarious!] Gigi joins in, and Amanda invites Heather, who is afraid that men won't look at her if she does so. [how hard is it to find a man who believes a woman can BBQ??] Amanda struggles not to burn briskets in a smoker before remembering her late father's advice - you have to use good wood. So, Amanda and Gigi go to a thicket, which turns out to be on Cricket's land. [of course.] Luckily, Cricket is willing to let them take some wood from a pecan tree, as she also has a daughter who should learn that women can do anything. [though it's not like we see her.] Sharon, upset that her husband has donated a car to the winning team, joins in to be in charge of sauces, upon the condition that she keeps the car as her personal prize. [not a bad way to help things, though I'm sure others will question it!] After meeting a butcher who will give the team some good meat (Carlene bought out almost all of the Wangus beef in the area), Heather agrees to join the team. [that whole shenanigan about nobody faulting Heather for dating a lowly butcher was crap, though. you know they talked about it as soon as she wasn't around!]

Carlene later crawls through the doggie door at Gigi's to sabotage Amanda's brisket (you know, because it wasn't enough that she was hosting a spa day during the BBQ to tie-up any women interested in BBQing), but decides against it at the last minute. When Gigi's dogs go after her, she hides in the pantry, carelessly leaving the refrigerator door open. So, the dogs get the brisket. Carlene turns over a new leaf after hearing Amanda tell Gigi that she wants to set a good example for Laura, so Carlene offers up more meat, in exchange for being allowed on the team, too. [yeah, you want to set a good

(ABC/ERIC MCCANDLESS)

example, but your daughter has to wear an apron, rather than a fitted shirt that doesn't even show cleavage? don't play fair or anything. and how do you have a rabbi as a head judge? we know that the teams can use pork, so that judge can't even eat everything...] Spicy Racks ends up winning, the only females in the competition. There don't seem to be any hard feelings, despite the fact that a few of the women had husbands on losing teams.

A few different side stories are also going. In one, Cricket is hunting down a prize-winning stud to impregnate her horse. She pays handsomely, despite the advances of the owner. When they meet a second time, she is a little more accepting of his flirting, but still holds back. She considers making a move, but seeing a photo of her and Blake stops her. In the end, they kiss anyway. [I like Cricket's business plots but not her personal plots.]



Carlene has come up with a model and video for her Condos for Christian Living project, which she now wants to build on a reservation in Oklahoma. However, Ripp tells her that the Lord spoke to him and told him to keep it in Mexico. This may be a ruse of sorts, though, as we also find out that Ripp sent Andrew to go to Juarez, Mexico to track somebody. [ridiculous. season finale next week...]

Something Different: The Costco Craze

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I have a Costco membership. My husband and I got one about 18 hours after we moved to California back in 2009. We have kept it going ever since, and have used it in four states now, I believe. We only go once or twice a month, and we haven't bought anything really big there, like the televisions and jewelry you hear about. We do have a running joke, however, that we cannot get out of the store for under $70, regardless of what is on the shopping list. I think we've done it twice, actually... and, on both of those occasions, I still walked out with more than I had planned. So, when I watched the Costco special report, I found that it hit pretty close to home, and you might feel similarly when you take a look at some of the facts presented!

The Costco Craze: Inside the Warehouse Giant 
- Costco has 64 million members worldwide (with almost a 90% renewal rate each year), and 3 million are at Costco on any given day. [so, clearly, many people must go way more often than we do.] The average member is a college-educated homeowner earning about $100k/year. And, as of January 2012, they had 598 stores worldwide (433 in the US, 82 in Canada, 32 in Mexico), and they are trying to increase their international market, which is around 10% of Costco's business.

- An early question is posed - why go to Costco, a store where you have to pay to shop, there are no advertisements, they don't bag your groceries, and there are no signs or directories. [It's not the only store you have to pay to go to, so that part doesn't bother me. In California, we have several counties that don't provide bags anymore, so that doesn't really change much, either. The lack of signage, however, is rough. Especially because the only employees I can ever find are the sample people, who don't know anything most of the time. It's not a big enough reason to make me avoid the place, though.] 

- They do $93 billion a year in sales, for a profit of $1.5B. Sales include $4.5B in meat, $4B in produce, $2B in TVs, and just under $1B in wine ($63M on store brand), making them one of the largest wine retailers in the world! Their single biggest-selling product, however, is toilet paper. They sold 1B+ rolls last year, bringing in $400M. We see how they make decisions on wine, toilet paper, and toys (another $200M a year!).  

- They make a lot of money, but they sure don't sell a lot of variety. Three-quarters the store is staples, with the rest being "treasures" (TVs, watches, handbags, wedding dresses, diamonds) which circulate all the time. [I'll vouch for that! I saw a pair of boots that I liked when we were frequenting a Costco in NJ, and decided to wait until the following month to pick them up... still winter, but no more boots.] They also only stock around 4,000 items - in comparison to supermarkets carrying about 40,000 and Walmart carrying around 100,000. The secret? Stocking only a few in each category - like a single ketchup. [this is a small downfall for me, though. I only buy Bumblebee brand tuna, for instance, which isn't carried there. Similarly, we like the "spirals" shape of macaroni in our household, which they don't stock. The biggest problem, however, is that our two local stores both flip-flop on which is carrying "our type" of bottled water (and sometimes, neither has it stocked).]

- The prices are about 30% lower than supermarkets, as nothing is marked up more than 15%, and other stores typically have a 25% (grocery stores) to 50% (department stores) mark-up. [still, some items go on sale monthly at grocery stores (like chips, bottled juice, and chicken), and they become cheaper to buy at grocery stores, especially if you also have coupons.]

- The special stated the biggest criticisms of Costco are having to buy in large quantities and having to wait in long lines. [eh. I expect the large quantities thing, especially since that helps drive down the price. The long lines are a pain, but some stores have a good system for this - a guy with a portable scanned rings in your entire order while you're in line, so when the cashier slides your membership card, the order is already there, so you can just pay and go. My biggest complaint is that they don't take coupons - and don't bother clipping the ones they mail you - those savings ring up automatically anyway.]

- We also were treated to some background on the company. Former CEO and co-founder Jim Sinegal visits all of the stores annually, traveling 200 days per year. He was always very accessible - no handlers or PR staff. When he was 18 and in college, he fell in love with the general store where he worked. He later formed Costco, and, in the 90s, they merged with PriceClub to get a bigger hold on the market than Sam's Club. [I remember the first time I was in a Sam's Club... I was nine years old and had vomited at school so my dad had to pick me up. He had a newspaper-clipped trial pass for the store, so we went there and walked around with my toddler-aged sister. He bought lobster tails and chicken cordon bleu, among other things, and I got my first set of scented markers.] It's a good place to work, too, with very little employee turnover, compared to other retailers. And, 90% of the workforce is offered health coverage. They have had their share of hardships, though... some brands won't sell to Costco because of their practices - but many come around. They also acquire products through third-party distributors - like Calvin Klein jeans and Waterford crystal.

Hot in Cleveland: Joy's Wedding, Elka's Twin

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

"It's only three months." Now, I can absolutely relate to this idea. Whenever I'm stuck in a situation I'm not fond about, I persevere on the fact that I know when it will end! In this case, Joy and George know that they're not meant to be, but a short marriage could be fun. Every time they turn around, however, they're noting that the other is bothersome... but, it's only for three months, so they can make it. [if you forgot, George is dying.] But, hey! Better three months than forty years! Yep, Elka and her twin sister went forty years without seeing one another, all because of their opinions on baseball teams. The funny thing was, it took them a few days to remember that their fight began over something like that... definitely puts arguments that end friendships into perspective! Oh, and Artie's makeover being mainly that he needs to stop, think of the fourth thing he'd say, then don't say anything before it, was great! Overall, a terrific episode! Agree?

Hot in Cleveland "Bye George, I Think He's Got It!" (S03E19): Joy and George are back from a whirlwind trip to Brazil, and he proposes. [saw that coming.] As it would be such a short marriage anyway, Joy agrees, and they set the date for Friday, followed by an around-the-world honeymoon. [how luxurious!] Although Joy can handle many of George's quirks for three months, she trashes a flowery shirt of his... only to find out that he wants to be buried in it! [ouch!] Luckily, Artie has taken it from the trash and is willing to return it - in exchange for a makeover. Joy, short on time, relies on Victoria and Melanie to work the miracle. Artie's major flaw is that he isn't very good at acceptable conversation. Artie can only get things appropriate on the fourth try, but, luckily, that works for him. The ladies get the shirt back and Artie gets laid, though he's not happy without someone loving him for himself. [I could see that. But, that isn't what he asked for.]

George shares his vows with Joy early, but the line about not sleeping with anyone else for eternity catches her ear. They compromise at one year of mourning, but she has to call out his name once afterward. [the whole conversation was just creepy.] On the wedding day, it seems that neither called a minister, so Artie has to act as the officiant. [of course he's a minister. and a Mohel for that matter.] George gets a call during the ceremony, where his doctor tells him that he probably has more like two years to live, not three months. [what groom even carries around his cell phone on his wedding day? anybody important is THERE!] Both Joy and George wonder if they should still get married, as they're rushing into it for no reason. He also wants to check off some more things on his bucket list - like have sex with 300 women... so the wedding falls apart. [at least the guy showed up this time... that's an improvement over Joy's first wedding!] 

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There's a side story with Elka's twin arriving after forty years. At first, the girls are shocked that they never heard of her before, but they don't make a big deal of it. Neither woman remembers why they stopped talking, and both are surprised at the other's appearance - Elka has aged naturally while her sister has had multiple facelifts. [I was actually expecting more jokes on this subject.] They drink and reminisce for several days before heading out to a baseball game, which sparks their memories - the argument was related to baseball fandom and loyalty! [haha! figures.]

South Park: Token's Got a Girlfriend

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

We've had a handful of junky episodes in a row, but this episode was above-average. No winner, but there were some great parts, and I'd watch it again. When it began, I wasn't sure where the story was going, especially considering the title. Even the teaser clip made you think that Cartman might be the one falling for new girl, Nichole. Well, it was actually Kyle... but Cartman's racist self was in love with the idea of pairing Token with Nichole, just as he apparently did with two Hispanic students earlier in the school year. Cartman's "CupidMe" and the fact that everyone was obsessed with the BatMobile were top-notch jokes throughout the episode, only getting better toward the end of the 22 minutes. Oh, and  All-4-One's "I Swear" covered by Cartman? Great stuff! The only area where this was a little weak for me was the "Cartman and Kyle are gay" part... Kyle was pretty angry with Cartman for spreading the gay rumor, but he actually did very little to help set things back to normal. And, Cartman is rather intolerant of anyone non-mainstream, so why would he be willing to say that he's gay? Oh well, I guess we'll have to wait it out on that one!

South Park "Cartman Finds Love" (S16E07): The new girl in town is Nichole, a cheerleader. Instantly, Cartman thinks that Token should match up with Nichole, as they're both black. [the history lesson was on Game of Thrones, did you catch that? niiiice.] Cartman tells a couple of the girls that Nichole might have to make the first move with Token, but when they tell her, she says that she likes Kyle. So, Cartman tells Nichole that he's with Kyle, starting a rumor which has everyone talking... and Kyle thinks that he's turned over a new leaf and is just impressing all of the girls lately! Then, Cartman arranges for Nichole and Token to be alone in the boys' locker room, complete with a platter of food and some games. [and, in true, ten-year-old naive fashion, they don't find that strange.] Nichole asks Token to lunch afterward, and Cartman is so happy that he's a successful matchmaker. He keeps it up, delivering anonymous presents to the two. [cute diary entry, too.]

photo courtesy: Comedy Central

Kyle gets basketball tickets for he and Nichole, as her friends told him that she likes basketball (and cats, for that matter). But, then he learns about Cartman's rumor, so he demands Cartman tell everyone the truth. Of course, Cartman can't be bothered with such things, as he's busy spying on the new couple to make sure things are going swimmingly. [Cartman in the caricature was supercute!] Nichole begins having second thoughts, however, when her father questions that she's only attracted to black guys. She claims that it's a coincidence. [did anyone else see the "white meat" joke coming with the turkey? not sure why, but I knew something would come of it... and it did. and why did her father find the "coincidence" thing to be suspicious? did he not know that she and Token were locked in a gym together for a while, thus getting to know one another?] Later, Nichole finds a tag on the bear that says, "to my boo, because blacks belong together," and, not knowing that the note was really from Cartman, she breaks it off with Token. Kyle asks Token if Nichole is  available, but he thinks that Kyle wants to be with him. [hahaha!] After some mourning over the failed relationship, Cartman hightails it to the arena where he gets on the MegaTron and talks about going back to your relationships, and that he and Kyle should return to being lovers. [why did everyone actually look at Kyle before they put up his picture?] He pulls another line about the Batmobile being outside to get everyone out of the arena, allowing Token and Nichole to run into one another. [a little too "boy who cried wolf" for me...] They reunite and CupidMe sets up Cartman with the poster child for halitosis. [haha! as soon as we first saw her, though, I was wondering if she and Cartman would have a storyline.]

16 & Pregnant: Jordan's Mom is Crazy

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

"Don't think that you're ready to grow up, because you're not." Straight from the mouth of Jordan, a 17-year-old who drops out of high school to raise her baby. Her problems are quite different from Alex, whose mother booted her out of the house for choosing to keep her baby. Instead, her mother wants to keep her home with the baby, and keep her boyfriend far away. The reason? He's white, "dirty," and disrespectful. So, Jordan struggles to figure out how her baby will be able to have both parents - so she moves in with Tyler's family. Shortly before the baby is due, however, her mother decides to come around, convincing Jordan to move back home. Her mother was supposed to allow Tyler to come around as he pleases, but he still doesn't feel welcome and the new family ultimately falls apart. While I think a lot of the blame falls on Jordan's mother, she doesn't seem the type to ever accept that, and the point is moot.

16 and Pregnant "Jordan" (S04E06): Jordan is 17 years old, a junior in high school, and lives with her mom, two brothers, and a sister. She wants to be a dental hygienist in the future, but for now she's finishing her classes online. BabyDaddy Tyler is a loner, and her mother and friends are all surprised that she dates him and then gets pregnant. Her mom noticed changes in her chest and eating and sleeping habits before Jordan announced her pregnancy. 

May, 34 Weeks: Jordan has been staying with Tyler for a few weeks now, which her other allows in case of a medical emergency. It bugs him that he can't go to her house, but her mother calls him "dirty-looking" and disrespectful, plus she's not a fan of the racial difference between them. She makes it clear that he won't be allowed in after the baby's born, either, which is what worries Jordan. Her mom insists that Jordan come back home after the baby is born, but doesn't make a good case by saying that Tyler probably won't be a big participator in the childcare. [suggesting your prediction is one thing, but this woman is just so rough all the time! what was with the "my hubbies" as a category or person in her phone??] Jordan tells Tyler's parents about the scenario and they invite her to stay there after the baby is born, but Jordan worries that her mother will call the police. [I bet she would, too.]

May, 35 Weeks: She wants to wait until the last minute to tell her mom about the new living plan... like when she's in the delivery room. Her friends tell her to break the news to her mother sooner than that, though. [yeah, I agree with them!] His parents buy a bassinet for them, and Jordan starts to get some baby clothes at a consignment shop.

May, 38 Weeks: Her mom asks her to come over, and it turns out to be a surprise baby shower! [is her sister, Justice, also pregnant? They state that she's due on May 29th, which is in two weeks. So, she goes from 34-40 weeks pregnant during the month of May! Bad job with the timeline YET AGAIN, MTV! oh, and did you see two or three white people at the shower? I guess her mom makes exceptions...] During the party, Jordan's mom says that there's no point in a bassinet being at Tyler's house because the baby won't be allowed over there - his parents aren't clean. [this woman has serious problems. If the baby can't go to Tyler's and Tyler can't come to the baby, how do you want your daughter's child to have a father figure at all??] Her mom threatens to not allow her an epidural if Jordan misbehaves, but she leaves anyway. [is anyone still unconvinced that the woman is a monster? not that every woman needs anesthetics during labor, but she's just holding anything she can over Jordan's head!]

Photo by MTV

Jordan and Tyler decide to go steal an expensive crib (that Tyler paid for) from her mother's house. Afterward, Tyler is slightly worried that Jordan's mom will press charges, but she just leaves Jordan an angry voicemail, where she's more upset that Jordan let Tyler in the house than she is that they took the crib. [can we reiterate that they live in LANCASTER, PENNSYLVANIA and that we saw a horse and buggy during the show? this is a pretty white area, guys... I've been there. how does this woman live without dealing with white people?]   

May, 39 Weeks: She's finished her school assignments for the year and meets with her friends to figure out their senior schedules. They're surprised that she's coming back in the fall. She's figuring on her mom wanting to watch the baby, but if that doesn't work, she doesn't have a back-up plan and her friends aren't all that interested in helping. [eh.] She's been ignoring all of her mother's calls, but when she gets an email that says her mom will let Tyler be involved in the baby's life, she goes over there. [talk about bait! and geez, who still has an AOL email address?] Her mom claims that she didn't realize how serious Jordan and Tyler were, but Tyler would be allowed over after the baby was born. She even lets him come inside to talk about the situation, though he's a little hesitant to believe that everything is hunky dory now. [yeah. me too...] Jordan is willing to come home under these circumstances, but Tyler is afraid that it's just an act and that things will change. [I'm surprised Jordan is falling for this obvious manipulation. I understand that she wants her mother's help with caring for the baby, but the woman brings no other positives to her life!] 

June, 40 Weeks: On her due date, her mom and sister help her do a belly cast, just a few hours before her water breaks. [so this is the younger sister who lives at home? and Justice is an older sister who was just at the shower?] Two hours into labor, the pain worsens and she gets an epidural. Three hours into labor, it's time to push. [one can only pray for a labor as quick as that!] Chase Alexander is born May 31st at 9lbs, 3oz. [another fail, MTV! don't tell me it's June and then make it obvious that it's still May! and if she was due on May 29th and was only in labor for a few hours, how is it the 31st? LIES.]

2 Days Old: Tyler is supposed to spend the night at Jordan's when the baby comes home, but his mom claimed he had other things to do. Her mother says that it must be partly Tyler's fault, too, because he'd otherwise try harder to be there. [eh. even if Jordan's mom was at work, there's still plenty of siblings around to make him feel uncomfortable!] 

3 Days Old: Tyler comes over the next morning and says that he felt unwanted by her. [this was an odd scene... what was the bottom line?]

June, 2 Weeks Old: Jordan invites Tyler's parents over and his mom almost immediately asks what made Jordan change her mind about her living situation. [great question, as it never really seemed that she explained her decision all that well.] Things remain calm, though his parents are surprised that he hasn't been calling her at all.

July, 1 Month Old: Tyler hasn't been by for weeks, and her family has started to resent him again. [something tells me that not only are they the reason he doesn't come, but also that they do resent him.] Tyler shows up at 9pm, expecting to see Chase for a minute. Jordan won't let him, as the baby is asleep. [duh.] There are more racial problems, and Jordan decides that she wants full custody. She's also decided to drop out of school because she can't do it all. [the final scene with Tyler was a shame, what with her brothers following him out to his car and everything. And it wasn't really clear as to why Jordan is dropping out of high school, so I guess her mom wasn't that keen on watching the baby for her after all.]

Smash: Rebecca's Only Friend is Karen

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

So... we know that Ellis is absolute scum and will do anything that helps him move up in the world... so how long until he puts ground peanuts into allergic-Rebecca's smoothie? The folks on this show will have to get in line to be the one to poison the woman, however! Eileen is the only one fighting for her, and Julia's been fairly neutral, but Derek, Tom, Ivy, and probably the bulk of the crew would prefer to do without her. So, when Karen begins agreeing to everything Rebecca suggests, the two become peas in a pod without considering anyone else - certainly straining her already-fragile relationship with Dev. But, the most awkward moment of the episode belongs to Eileen, who brought Nick as her date to a fancy event, where he meets Jerry. Why did Jerry bother to hold his date so closely? He's not going to get Eileen back! Anyway...

Smash "Publicity" (S01E12): Derek tells Karen that she'd make a brilliant Marilyn, much to the chagrin of an eavesdropping Ellis. So, when Ivy asks Ellis to steal someone's phone and text Karen not to come in to the workshop, Karen loses a solo ballad, and Ivy is given the song. [Ivy's blue, three-quarter length top was simple but I liked it. everyone moving around to see Ivy sing? notsomuch. and Eileen crying? totally unbelievable. oh, and what was with flashing to Eileen and Nick in bed but then back to the workshop?] Now, this wouldn't be such a big deal, except that the song was written to give Rebecca a break (it's sung as Marilyn's "inner voice"), and she was happy to give it to Karen... but now thinks Marilyn should sing it rather than Ivy. [backfired!] Rebecca actually takes quite a liking to Karen - asking her to go dancing and to dinner, even giving her designer clothes. The paparazzi are all over the two, suggesting they are "gal pals" and maybe more. Rebecca even gives Karen the opportunity to sing with one of her favorite bands, though the star really just wanted to sample Miss Cartwright's talent. Things begin to fall apart, though, when Rebecca tells Karen that boyfriends can be a problem "on the way up." [eh. I was never a big fan of Dev anyway.] Karen, hoping to smooth things over, has dinner with both Dev and Rebecca, but the discussion gets heated when the topic turns to the attention Rebecca and Karen have been receiving from the media. [here's where Dev's background as a press secretary actually means something.] Karen takes this moment to zone out and imagine herself in the much-anticipated Bollywood number. [which was just okay... nothing amazing.] By the end of the illusion, Rebecca is gone. [so she just walked out on dinner?] Back at rehearsal, in addition to being habitually late, Rebecca demands her smoothies be made a certain way, first employing the stage manager to do it (her own assistant and manager are busy trying to find a "suitable" place for her to live in Boston for eight weeks), but then Eileen pushes the responsibility onto Ellis. [Rebecca has such a diva complex!]

(Photo by: Craig Blankenhorn/NBC)

When Frank comes to Julia's to pick up Leo, the parents realize that their son has been lying about his whereabouts for days - they have no idea where he is. [this vaguely reminded me of Danny from the Ninja Turtles movie. no big reason to run away, but he's just looking for a sense of belonging.] They call the police and talk to Mason, Leo's friend. [in describing how the boy ran away and they didn't realize it, didn't they have to bring up the fact that they're separated at the moment? Then why did the cop ask if there was "trouble at home" ??] Julia goes undercover and threatens Mason outside the school, who finally admits that Leo has been sleeping in his room to hide out from it all. Julia and Frank decide to wait it out, and Leo comes home and apologizes - he was afraid of losing everything. [...is this going to bring Julia and Frank back together??]

Secret Life: Kathleen & Lauren Happy, Amy & Grace Not

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Betty dressing like a high schooler to attend college classes was so strange, even for her. Amy complaining that everyone has it better than her is nothing new. Ricky trying to spend one-on-one time with John is nice, as I imagine that Amy doesn't let him spend the whole day with him often. The idea of Madison and Henry getting together is probably the most disturbing part of all - Madison's whole "love the one you're with" thing needs to stop. Of course, the bigger picture is that Grace doesn't want to accept that her father had extramarital relations that resulted in a child she never knew about, while Kathleen comes to terms with the fact that the Bowmans just aren't perfect after all. For mother that's freeing, but for daughter it seems imprisoning - the perfect little Christan cheerleader is no more. While I would have liked to see Tom interact with Jacob, I know it must be coming. Patience doesn't work for everyone, though... Lauren proved that by forgiving Madison but not actually reuniting in friendship. Probably not the way for everyone to go, but a bunch of characters could take notes from this! 

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "The Beach is Back" (S04E18): Ricky has a day off during the week so he wants to take John to the beach. Amy, being her typically negative and selfish self, wants to call in sick from school AND work and come along, or make Ricky stay home and clean the apartment instead. [that girl is SO b!tcchy sometimes! nobody else can have any fun if she's unhappy.] She finally realizes that she made a bad choice in choosing summer school, as she's missing out on beach days and going to Europe with Anne and Ashley. [hahaha. who wants to bet that the only reason Ashley is "going" is so they don't have to write her into any episodes for a while?] George calls Ricky and invites him and John to "go to the beach" with him and Robbie. Except, George doesn't like the beach and just sprawls things out in his living room, which was an idea of Kathleen's years ago. [so did Tom and Grace used to have "indoor beach" at the Bowman home, too?] Ricky tells George to start dating again, but he hesitates, thinking that things are too complicated. Late in the episode, after Ricky and John have left, Kathleen comes over, and George keeps spreading the rumor about Anne's supposed sexuality. [what is his fascination with spreading such an idea? And just because Kathleen has realized that she doesn't have to act like she's perfect and might break things off with Jeff doesn't mean she needs to go back to husband #1!]

Amy complains to Lauren and Lauren tells Amy that her attitude sucks and that she's never in a good mood. The school has no air conditioning, so that's not helping anyone. Especially not Dylan and her snobby friends, who have shown up to hang out at school, just "blending in" rather than enrolling. Dylan does a lot of lying to make it work, of course, which leads Counselor Kaitlin not to believe her own eyes when she sees "cousins" Ben and Dylan kissing. [oh, come ON! and, Katelin is showing a little too much cleavage... ] They're not the only ones having a rough time at school, as Kathleen shows up to enroll Jacob, while Grace won't admit that he's her half-brother. ["I'm an only child, except for Tom."] Grace even leaves school early, blaming the heat. When the teacher goes after her (which apparently did nothing to stop her??), Madison blabs the situation, which shocks Adrian enough that she leaves class, too. [I can't understand how these kids just leave class whenever they want. They did it during the regular school year, too! and why don't we have more extras in the classroom? are they against making this look lifelike at all??] Adrian tells Jacob not to hurt Grace, and it appears that Jacob and Ethan may become friends.

After school, Henry and Madison miss having friends, so they encourage one another to try apologizing again. Lauren is tired of being angry with Madison, but also says that they can't be best friends - they'll just co-exist peacefully. Henry doesn't get anywhere with Ben, but he's consoled by Madison kissing him. The two talk about having sex, but put it off, realizing that it would be a bad choice. Elsewhere, Amy decides that she's not a fun person and can't be happy, no matter what. Ricky tries to fix things by taking her back to the band camp cafeteria where they first met, saying that they should put the past behind them. It's implied that they have sex there. [how did they get in? if the place was so close, why was it a resident camp? who has sex in a cafeteria??] While all of this is going on, Jack tries to get Grace to accept Jacob, but Grace can't get past the fact that Jacob's existence makes her whole family look like sinners. Jack reminds her that there are no saints, and it helps that Adrian encourages Grace to get to know her new brother. Oh, and in the worst idea ever, Grace and Adrian have taken to wearing just undergarments around the condo because they can't find the thermostat. 

http://abcfamily.go.com

Betty shows up at Leo's office, meets Nora, and collects her tuition check. In talking enthusiastically about her new major in anthropology, Betty encourages Nora to fulfill her life and attend college, too. ["Obama wants you to!"] As soon as Betty leaves, Dylan's dad arrives, still trying to keep Ben and Dylan apart. Leo shares that the girls snuck into summer school, which doesn't help anything. [why did Ben tell Leo that, anyway??] Later, Leo tells Ben that if he wants to date Dylan, he's not going to help them - any drinking, drugs, car accidents, or pregnancies, will not be taken care of by Leo. [I thought that Leo had already given Ben his blessing, so why are there now stipulations on the relationship?]

House: The Wrap-Up Begins...

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Rushing to the finish line? Wilson announcing that he has cancer, Dominika leaving House's life, and Chase and Park are thinking of getting it on... what else is there to wrap up? Get Foreman a wife or fire him, mention Cuddy in passing, and do something with Taub's "two babies from two mothers two weeks apart" shenanigan? With the finale being called "Everybody Dies," you have to wonder what's in store for the rest of the cast. Then again, the preview for next week featuring Wilson wanting to do an experimental treatment and House saying, "let's do it at my place," already has me looking for the end of this show. Yeah, I think that House jumped the shark after last season, but I think we could be in a better place right now if the writers had made different choices. Four episodes to go, and they're pulling out all of the stops... levitation? Exorcism? PARK AND CHASE?? We're slipping into ridiculous, one moment at a time... 

House "Body & Soul" (S08E18): The patient is a young boy who has a bad dream and struggles to breathe when he awakens. Taub and Park go to the home and find a decapitated pig in the kid's bedroom - apparently, the grandfather thinks that the kid has been possessed for weeks. [well, now I know that, if I smell wet dog, it could be a dead pig...] The team thinks that there's a mental problem, but the grandfather talks of how his son also suffered from bad dreams. When the kid starts speaking Hmong, a language he doesn't know, and envisioning his grandfather choking him, both ideas begin to fit. [I believe this is the first time I've ever heard the word "hmong," I've only ever read it... and pronounced the "h" in my head, haha!] The patient levitates, but only Adams and Taub witness is, and the other doctors don't believe it happened. The grandfather wants to perform an exorcism, and Foreman says that it's fine, as long as nothing is ingested or put on the skin without being verified as harmless. [kinda odd, but okay.] The mother now believes that her husband must have been possessed, too. The kid crashes during the ritual, but Adams gives ibuprofen as a last-ditch effort - the family believes the exorcism cured the boy, the doctors believe it was the ibuprofen. [finally! someone calls it! "you're wrong again?" I've often wondered why none of the patients' families ever ask that!] 

Wilson knows that House has been keeping Dominika's green card paperwork from her, but he doesn't really fight it. House and Dominika are beginning a real relationship - being intimate, eating together, and even going shooting. [her accent is a little heavier than normal...] He tells her that it may be another few weeks or a month until they hear a status update, which is upsetting to her, as her aunt is in a nursing home in Poland. When US Citizenship calls and says that they've sent several notices about picking up her naturalization certificate, House is caught. ["good news so we can get back to sex" was AWKWARD!] He apologizes, but she packs her things and hugs him goodbye. [why does it look smoky in his place?] House is surprisingly depressed when he tells Wilson about the situation. 

Cr: Adam Taylor/FOX

Park had a sex dream about Chase and asks him if he's had a similar one about her. He is quick to dismiss the idea, leading her to believe that he finds the idea "abhorrent." [now, there's a word you don't hear everyday!] Park makes up a dream about Taub just to see his reaction - happiness. Later, Chase does have a sex dream about Park, and she asks him about it, gives possible explanations, and then farts in the elevator to "test her theory." [out of character! Park is too shy to do that!] The episode ends with House learning that Wilson has stage 2 thymoma cancer.

FOX 25th Anniversary Special

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Up until earlier this year, I didn't know that I was older than FOX. I knew it was younger than ABC, CBS, and NBC, but I didn't realize just how new the network is! So, imagine my amazement when I thought about the fact that The Simpsons is almost as old as the network! I was even more intrigued when I heard a couple of weeks ago that they'd be re-airing the pilot from Married with Children, their first primetime series. I never liked that show (nothing changed this time around, either), but a whole new dimension is added when you think about it being such an early program for FOX. Actually, the special got me thinking about all sorts of things that set apart FOX from the other networks - some of which are rather remarkable, really. So, I'll use those to direct the bullet points of this article. Agree, disagree, think completely different things stood out? Let us know in the comments!

CR: Sony Pictures Television

- Using animated characters to fill the tables at an awards dinner. It was kinda funny overall, but there were little things that made this a success. The kids table, the blurred-out faces of criminals on COPS, Stewie's questioning of how you can be a fan of an entire corporation... great lines. Of course, the dropping of names got a little old, and the whole "if they wanted us to be nicer, they probably shouldn't have canceled us twice," was expected, but it made for a nice intro and cut-ins throughout.

- Spending a chunk of time looking at FOX's primetime animated series was good, as I've often argued that it's weird for a major network to devote so much time to the Animation Domination, but this gave some background on the risks that FOX took in starting that trend, and building upon it over the years. And, Primetime Comedy Series Emmy nomination or not, why would you review politically incorrect Family Guy before flagship The Simpsons? A quick compilation of some of the celebrity voices was fun, though including Kelsey Grammer to talk about his recurring role of Sideshow Bob was a bit odd.

- In the past, I've thought about COPS being such an early reality show, but hadn't considered the implications it really created in that field. When you consider some of the other reality junk that FOX has done (Shocking Behavior Caught on Tape, Celebrity Boxing, and When Animals Attack,for instance), it really just makes you think about how they paved the way for people to post that stuff on the internet!

- I also appreciated how they made fund of themselves multiple times. Not just the standard "we're FOX, not FOX News" line, but listing off some of their unsuccessful series and even showing a few screenshots from them (I had only learned that Top of the Heap existed a couple days earlier, so that split-second with Matthew LeBlanc caught my eye!) was fun. And, let's not forget the animated versions of the former network presidents! Why don't more networks try this? It certainly works for FOX... they've been doing it since Married with Children, and have included it in everything from Family Guy and The Simpsons to X-Files.

- Hello, Sci-Fi! I remember how big The X-Files was when I was younger, and knew that it was a big step in launching science fiction television series, but hadn't thought about how hard FOX pushed for that to work. Too bad they didn't say more about Firefly, eh? I think the stand-out moment in this area was when David Duchovny said, "when I catch the show on TV now it's like watching home movies."

- Another area where FOX apparently tried really hard? Matchmaking. I hadn't realized that Who wants to Marry a Millionaire?, Married by America, Mr. Personality, My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance, AND Joe Millionaire were all FOX shows! Yikes!

- Reuniting the cast of Married with Children for the first time in fifteen years was a really important thing to do - yes, it gives off the impression that you're good to work for, as people who were there in the beginning still help you out, but it also gave a little sense of family, and I was sad that they weren't able to bring back more casts in this way. Why couldn't we have had more Beverly Hills, 90210 folks? We all know that Shannen Doherty takes whatever she can get on TV anymore, nobody's thought about Gabrielle Carteris in years, and nobody wants Ian Ziering, but what was with Jason Priestly being the only hottie to appear? And, speaking of which, why did we completely ignore the second HALF of that series? The only clip I saw in there that was post-Andrea's baby was the one with Val contemplating suicide. It also seemed that maybe too much time went into earlier parts of the special, as the partial cast of That 70s Show only had a minute or two.

CR: Beth Dubber / FOX

- I was a little disappointed with the lack of attention paid to the currently-running programs on the network. A little Bones here, a mention of Fringe there... we got a little background on House (Hugh Laurie's right - that program probably wouldn't have lasted so long with another network) and more than one shameless plug for New Girl, but that was pretty much it. And, I gotta say, the junk about "New Girl - she's not moving. That's right, she'll be Tuesday nights at 9 for a long time," was a bit eerie, don't you think?

- While I don't mind Ryan Seacrest being the host of the special, I thought that there was entirely too much time spent on American Idol. I don't care that it's been such a break-out and inspired so many other reality competition series (from So You Think You Can Dance to Hell's Kitchen), we didn't need to see clips from EVERY season, re-announce EVERY winner, catch a bunch of auditions, and hear the harsh criticism of Simon Cowell yet again. I'll admit, though, it was a throwback to see William Hung again!

- I think the biggest surprise of the night (for me) was learning that FOX introduced putting a score box on the screen during sports! I never understood the phrase "what's the score?" when you enter a room - why wouldn't you just look at the screen? Well, now I understand that this didn't exist pre-1994. Nice advancement!

- Given the previews and clips we kept seeing about In Living Color, I was expecting to see more about the "edgy, raw" show that began in 1990. And, I don't know that the point about it getting away with more then than they could now fits, exactly. No, the nation was not as stringent on political correctness twenty years ago, but there are other areas where they could do so much more now than they could have then, so it's really more of a toss-up.

- Regular readers know that I watch mainly comedies, but I've been attached to many a drama in the past (hence how I've seen every episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 at least twice, and the bulk of the series three times). The bits of Party of Five and The O.C. that were shown made me seriously consider going back to them - I was late learning about the former and gave up on the latter in the first season - they could be well worth the time. Luckily, I was also reminded of shows that I don't care about, like Melrose Place and The Simple Life.

CR: Sam Jones / FOX

Sneak Peak: South Park

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

With such a short turn-around time, it's not every day that we're able to see a bit of the latest South Park episode, but today's a lucky day! Wednesday night's episode, "Cartman Finds Love," features a new girl in school, and you know that new kids always stir things up! Check out this short clip below.

Cartman Finds Love
Get More: SOUTH
PARKEric Cartman,Token Black,more...

Tune in Wednesday!

News Roundup: USA Dates, New Shows, & More

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Renewals, Cancellations, & Scheduling:
FOX's Hell's Kitchen will have 11th and 12th seasons... the 10th season begins Tuesday, May 29th at 8pm ET/PT.

BET has renewed The Game for a sixth season, Let's Stay Together for a third season, and Reed Between the Lines for a second season.

TLC renewed My Crazy Obsession for a second season.

VH1 renewed Stevie TV for a second season.

Discovery has canceled Cash Cab. I never got into the show much, but we did a feature on it as part of our Game Show series.

HBO has canceled (for a second time) The Life & Times of Tim.

BBC canceled Upstairs Downstairs after two seasons.

Discovery's Auction Kings returns on Wednesday, April 25th at 10pm ET/PT.

A&E's Monster In-Laws will begin its second season on Monday, May 28th at 10pm ET/PT.

CBS has Dogs in the City beginning Wednesday, May 30th at 8pm ET/PT. It's a reality show where a NYC dog guru will resolve "issues between canines and their owners."

USA has given summer start dates to many of its shows. Check out Royal Pains and Necessary Roughness returning on Wednesday, June 6th, Burn Notice and Suits coming Thursday, June 14th, and White Collar and Covert Affairs on Tuesday, July 10th.

When Arrested Development debuts its fourth season next year, all ten episodes will premiere on the same day via Netflix streaming. There have also been talks about possible fifth and sixth seasons as well. Oh, and Bob Loblaw is also scheduled to return as well.

Remember when the cancelled Breaking In was brought back? Well, FOX has pulled it from their schedule and will air the final three episodes at some point in the future.

Many people were looking forward to Seth MacFalane's The Flintstones reboot next year, but the man is just too busy... so it'll be put off.


Cast & Plot Updates:
The Rock will star in The Hero, overseeing contestants in this "global action reality series."

Amber Tamblyn will be on the House finale, May 21st, reprising her role as Martha Masters. There are also rumors of Kal Penn returning as Kutner for the finale.

Have you even had time to miss Rosie O'Donnell yet? She's going to be back on television soon, joining Star Jones and Donny Deutsch on Today's "The Professionals" panel in the 8am hour.

Shows in Development & Other Fun Stuff:
NBC's 13 Mockingbird Lane (which I think is just going to be called "The New Munsters" by everyone) now has some artwork available, and they've mentioned that the costumes are going to be "almost the Real Housewives of Transylvania" and will feature animal textures. Lily's wardrobe "comes from nature," for instance.

If you want to catch Girls or Veep and don't subscribe to HBO, you can catch the pilots for free until the middle of May on HBO.com, DailyMotion, YouTube, TV.com, and some Free-On-Demand platforms.

Is Smash not enough Marilyn Monroe for you? If so, you're in luck - Finding Marilyn will feature twelve women vying for a chance to become "the next great American icon."

BET has ordered four new shows, including Generation Wayans (Craig & Damien + four nephews), House Husbands (based on the skit from the BET Awards), The Mathis Project (criminal docu-reality series), and Don't Sleep with TJ Holmes (late-night).

Disney has Dog with a Blog coming to the small screen - "a family sitcom from the pet's point-of-view" where parents buy step-siblings a dog "to encourage them to get along." Turns out, the dog can talk... AND BLOG. Interesting, huh?

NBC will have a new matchmaking show this winter, called Ready for Love, which will use Facebook to get things started.

Go On, the NBC comedy starring Matthew Perry, has a series order. Perry plays a sportscaster who is in mandatory group therapy.

If you use Chrome, you can add the "My Episode Guide" extension to track when your favorite shows have new episodes coming up.

Favorite Episodes: Wings

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

After watching all of Frasier and all of Cheers, I figured that I'd work my way through Wings, as it takes place in the same universe. There are actually only a couple of episodes that feature the Cheers characters, but the show didn't even need them. Sure, it got off to a short start, but it had a long life. The storylines tended to be a little more ridiculous than your average 90s sitcom, but it's fairly easy to attribute that to the fact that the show takes place on the island of Nantucket - primarily in an airport and focusing on those who work there. Joe, Helen, Brian, Fay, and Roy lasted the entire eight seasons, but there were several major changes in other characters - Lowell left and Budd replaced him, Alex came and went, Casey showed up, and then there was Antonio, the greatest of the additions. I never really remember the show regularly showing up in reruns, though the internet believes that several channels have aired it over the years. I don't even remember how or when I first heard of the series, though it's certainly worth watching.

The series is available on Netflix streaming with only three episodes missing (update 1/4/18: Wings is no longer on Netflix); I did include YouTube clips of my favorite episode below.

Season 1: "Legacy" (S01E01) Yep, chose the pilot. In my defense, it was a six-episode first season that didn't even debut until April 19th, so there weren't a ton of choices. But, the pilot is pretty funny, and is something that is remembered throughout the series, particularly in the final few episodes. There's a lot to build up in the episode, but we are able to learn Joe and Brian's backgrounds pretty easily, plus there's a wild goose chase that brings the brothers all over the place!

screenshot

Season 2: "Sports & Leisure" (S02E04) Roy just isn't on the same page as the rest of the group, so when he ruins a fishing trip, the gang plans a game night without him. They give in and invite him to play Trivial Pursuit, and he goes... only he's not thrilled that his partner is Lowell. He spends the evening angering and insulting everyone anyway. It may seem like a strange episode to peg as a favorite, but I thought it was funny, especially the un-invite/re-invite part... it's like their middle schoolers! 

Season 3: "Das Plane" (S03E17)  I think that the Carlton Blanchard character is the funniest non-regular character on this show, so between him and the wacky hijinks, it's a real winner. Joe auctioned off a fly-anywhere plane ticket by mistake, and Carlton wants to go across the country to see his brother. Lowell, Antonio, and Brian also come, and they wind up flying a very non-direct route because of one mishap after another!

Season 4: "It's so Nice to have a Mather around the House" (S04E07)  For some reason, I must have seen an episode of Wings as a child that referenced Brian sinking Lowell's houseboat, because seeing this episode really put some pieces together for me. Lowell ends up moving in with Joe and Brian, who love his cooking and cleaning... right up until they start catching grief from an under-appreciated Lowell. It works out in the end, though, and they continue to live together for a while.

Season 5: "Come Fly with Me" (S05E10)  I like this episode because it includes all of the characters in two believable storylines. Antonio, Roy, and Fay spend an entire night trying to win radio trivia contests, figuring that, together, they could win. Of course, Roy manages to blow it, but it's still fun. Meanwhile, Joe, Brian, Lowell, and Helen go to Boston for a night of fun. They wind up at a great party, but soon realize that it's mainly hookers trying to reel in customers. The funniest part is when a guy starts bargaining with Helen and she doesn't know what's going on at first!

Season 6: "Nuptials Off" (S06E23)  This episode is my very favorite... I just can't believe how hilarious it is! Five weeks before Helen and Joe are supposed to be married, she realizes that she never got divorced from Antonio (she set the paperwork under the cash register and forgot all about it). There's not enough time for a regular divorce and Helen doesn't want to disappoint Joe with messing up even more wedding stuff, so she and Roy plan to fly with Brian to Mexico. She sends Joe fly-fishing in Maine, But, Antonio wants an annulment because he's trying to get back into the Catholic religion for the sake of his new godson. The priest believes that he can counsel the couple instead, right up until he overhears Helen talking about marriage to Joe and sex with Brian. Things are further complicates by a broken plane and a sick Lowell... Lowell manages to fix the plane, but then it seems that Joe's trip is delayed, so Casey is stuck stalling him so the rest of the gang can get off the ground. Lowell does tell Joe about the group going to Mexico, but he's hopped up on cold medicine so Joe doesn't believe him.




Season 7: "Burnin' Down the House" (S07E01)  This is a weaker season, in my eyes. There are a handful of episodes that have a decent amount of laughs, but nothing really stands out as truly excellent when it comes to overall quality. Still, the season opener offers some ridiculous jokes, which are actually made worse later on in the series. Joe and Helen come back from their honeymoon to find that Brian and Casey have burned down Helen's house - where they were planning to live. So, Joe decides that enough is enough and that Brian can't do anything right - booting him out of the business. Don't worry, though, things fall back into place for the brothers the next episode - though the two couples wind up living together for quite a while. 

wikipedia

Season 8: "Single and Hating It" (S08E04)  A traveling matchmaker hosts a mixer on Nantucket, so Brian, Antonio, Fay, Roy, and Casey all attend. Joe and Helen are supposed to celebrate their first wedding anniversary but stop off to give Brian his wallet. A bad storm comes though and they're stuck at the event, pretending to also be single. Between Antonio constantly being turned down and Brian focusing solely on the bartender, there are plenty of laughs. Of course, Helen and Joe put the episode over the edge with a pretend proposal, if you can believe it!

Suburgatory: Coincidences

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Forget Lisa looking for a one-month anniversary gift for Malik - that was a dud one-liner in this episode. Instead, think about the two competing plotlines - George falls for a woman who turns out to be Noah's surrogate, and Mr. Wolf and Alan adopt a dog that turns out to be Dallas' (which Dalia "swept" out of the house). Both are strange coincidences which could have made for decent episodes. Ergo, you'd think that they'd shine when matched together. However, the overall link wasn't there and the episode as a whole fell a bit short. The stories had no connections with one another, and that weakened the entire thing. And, for being a big fan of Clueless, I wasn't in love with the actors reuniting... though I immediately suspected Eden was pregnant when I saw her... not sure why! what did you think?

Suburgatory "Entering Eden" (S01E19): At the farmer's market, George meets Eden, who treats him to an all-natural smoothie. [fastest smoothie-maker EVER.] George has an allergic reaction and winds up in the hospital, but at least Eden goes with him, gives him her number, and kisses him. [I'm sure that made the whole experience much more pleasant!] Later, Noah shares good news with George - he and Jill are expecting! Noah and Jill go out to celebrate with George, who invites along Eden. Except, when it turns out that Eden is actually the surrogate for Noah and Jill's child, things get weird for George and Eden to date. Noah actually forbids the relationship to continue, but George eventually wears him down to allowing George to date Eden, as long as the relationship isn't physical until after the baby is born. [so weird. ] George finds Eden and thinks look promising - though he really isn't into the organic food the way she is!

Dallas smashes crystal and Tessa sweeps it up to sell the shards as "crystal tears of heaven." [what?? and you buy it by the pound?? is this a thing??] Dalia comes in and criticizes Tessa's sweeping, then later "sweeps out" Dallas' dog, Yakult. Dallas panics and demands Tessa help find the canine. [interesting chairs in George's kitchen.] Tessa suggests that they check the security cameras in the Royce home, and they see what Dalia did. Dallas thanks Tessa for being a good person, which guilts Dalia enough to ask her friends for help, as she doesn't want her mother angry with her.

While this is going on, Mr. Wolf wants to get a pet with his lover, Alan, but Alan doesn't like to "show off" their relationship in public and is afraid that a dog would just get messy if they broke up later. So, when Mr. Wolf finds Yakult in the street and brings it home "as a sign," the couple names the dog Hanson, buy outfits for it, and go for a walk in matching cardigans. [from one end of the spectrum to the other!] So, when Tessa asks Mr. Wolf to put up a flyer about the missing dog, his peculiar

(ABC/RICHARD CARTWRIGHT)

reactions get her thinking. She and Dalia go to Mr. Wolf's apartment complex after school and see him with the dog. After an elaborate chase scene (yeah, they even jumped from the roof of one building to another), they follow him right into his apartment and take Yakult home on Tessa's scooter. [so it's rideable now. cool.] Alan and Mr. Wolf make up and decide to get a dog of their own, and Tessa gives Dalia the credit for finding Yakult for Dallas.

Hot in Cleveland & Happily Divorced: Pain & Trust

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Yep, I combined Hot in Cleveland and Happily Divorced into one post again. But, don't worry, it won't happen again. Why? I'm dropping Happily Divorced. Not only does the show continue to disappoint and be almost constantly annoying, it's not getting many readers in comparison to other shows. So, say goodbye to Fran and Peter! Not before they have to save Fran's parents' marriage though. Actually, that's mostly Fran. Go figure. On the other hand, you can say hello to Betty White! The girl showed some 90-year-old leg on this episode of Hot in Cleveland, and I don't think I was the only one to be surprised! She was modeling a track suit and did a much better job doing so than the other girls did modeling Victoria's new line of shoes. Yeah, I didn't think they would last when she first mentioned them, and they certainly don't! Worst shoes ever.

Hot in Cleveland "Cruel Shoes" (S03E18): Victoria has designed a pair of heels and will debut them at Cleveland Fashion Week, using Joy and Melanie as models. [haha at the idea that you'd model togas.] Melanie is overly excited and glues a beauty mark to her face - only it slips and winds up on her chin. [funny at first but it got old fast.] When it comes time to actually take to the catwalk, the girls find the shoes to be excruciatingly painful. [figures.] It takes some quick thinking on Victoria's part, but she decides to have Melanie and Joy carry the shoes and have a wheelchair-bound model wear them, with the idea that the shoes are "high-fashion heels for the women in wheels," and not meant to be worn. Afterward, however, Elka steals the spotlight by modeling a tracksuit.   

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The smaller story going on involves Joy dating a guy who is going to die in about three months. [who else thinks this is a well-contrived lie?] They meet when he kisses her out of nowhere in the bar, which crosses an item off of his bucket list. Joy goes on a date with him and helps cross off several other things. They even try to initiate him into the mile-high club, but turbulence gets in the way. In the end, she tries to break up with him, but then decides to date him - they go for coffee in Sao Paulo, Brazil, to solve another bucket list item. [ridiculous, right? is the guy also loaded?]

Happily Divorced "Newman vs. Newman" (S02E06): Fran's mother, Dori, gets Peter a client, but when it's one of her exes, Glen gets upset. [Dori created that problem. if she knows how her husband is, there's no reason for giving up every detail and incriminating herself further.] Dori ends up moving to Fran's, but after three days, she's already rearranging the furniture and frustrating her daughter. [totally believable.] Fran And Judy take out Dori so she can be reacquainted with how difficult being single is, but she's hit on immediately. [she'd have to be, in order for it to be funny.] Fran tells Dori that she needs to appreciate Glen, but Dori complains that Glen only wants sex. Peter misunderstands his instructions and brings Glen to the club, but he sees Dori dancing with another guy and it throws off everything. [ya think?!] The next day, Fran goes to Marilyn's and pays her to flirt with Glen just a little - enough to make Dori jealous. Then, she tells Dori that women were flocking around Glen at the pool, but rather than get jealous, Dori decides to head over and get a few items out of the condo. [I didn't get this train of thought, but that's okay.] When she gets there (with Peter and Fran in tow), they see Marilyn, which sparks Glen and Dori to make up - he agrees to see more theatre and she agrees not to hang out with other guys. [and, just like that, the problems are solved. EYE ROLL.]

South Park: Adventurous Boys

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

MAN! I know I've been complaining a lot about the television airing lately, but this was just GARBAGE! The theme of the episode was overly promising. The gag with the live-action folks was hopeful. Cartman's ever-updating body chemistry could have gone far. And, yet, all of these gimmicks fell short. Even the reality show format was disappointing. I think the gag that made me laugh hardest was Cartman's calling Kenny's cold sore "herpes" right up until he was also infected by it. Otherwise, this was really a pretty big waste of time... and I know they can't all be "wins," but this was ridiculous, and I'm not the first person to say so.

South Park "I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining" (S16E06): The format for the episode is a documentary/reality look-back on the four boys spending four hours in the Rockies. It's the last day of Spring Break and the kids want to be adventurous, so Stan suggested that the go ziplining. Once they get a ride out to the center, however, they realize that they're going with a larger group, upsetting Kyle most.

photo courtesy: Comedy Central

After a safety video, they get in a van for a 45-minute ride to the first of the seventeen ziplines. ["long story short" guy was kinda funny at first, actually. but the "if anyone wants to know about the biology of the trees..." part didn't even add up.] Nobody really has a good time, and by the third hour, the kids just want out. [where did that kid Ricky come from? I only saw adults earlier.] While this is all going on, Cartman's fast food and soda is catching up with him and he's got diarrhea. Well, at least it gives them a reason to leave the group!

They head to some horse stables to get down without ziplining, but wind up joining another tour group and we hear the "show" being changed to, "I should have never thought horseback riding would be better than ziplining." [weak.] They skip out onto a powerboat tour, where we're treated to live-action depictions of the kids, who share a soda and all end up with cold sores, courtesy of Kenny (who dies of boredom). [cue eye roll!] Stan admits the reason he suggested ziplining in the first place was because signing up three friends earned you an iPod nano. [sounds like something Cartman would do...] Mr. Hanky (also in live-action form) appears and saves the boys. [the ending about what the kids went on to do was also awful.]

16 and Pregnant: Alex Tries to Make It

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

At the start of the episode, I was surprised to learn that Alex was already 37 weeks into her pregnancy. Then, I quickly noticed that this was a 90-minute episode, so I was really intrigued with what they were going to cover in so much time. Then, we meet Matt, who is one of those guys who epitomizes why you shouldn't have sex as a teenager. It takes Alex a LONG time to do so, but she finally calls him a dead-beat dad and distances herself from him. She's like a trainwreck, really... I don't want to keep watching her but I can't tear myself away. I think that it was a good episode to show teenagers, though - not only did Alex try living on her own and realize that she couldn't do it AND illustrate why you have to look ahead, but she also demonstrates how difficult it can be to give up a child, even when you would have been able to see her quite often and your friend's parents are the adoptive parents. The only part of this episode that I found truly strange was when Alex talked to her dance classes... they're paying to dance, not hear about the perils of unsafe sex.

16 and Pregnant "Alex" (S04E05): a 17-year-old HS senior living with her divorced mother and two younger siblings in Neffs, PA. [useless pet emphasis, but yay, Rita's!] She works at a fast food place a mile away and teaches dance - she even hopes to have her own studio someday. [not a bad ambition, though it's one I've never heard before.] BabyDaddy Matt is always in and out of trouble, and though they used the pill (her mother took her to get it) and condoms, there was "an oopsy." [what exactly does that mean? She doesn't act like it was all that much of a mistake... did she forget to take the pills AND the condom broke?] They talked about Plan B, but it's $50. [hahahaha. yeah, don't spend $50 now when you'll spend thousands later.]

June, 37 Weeks: Alex's mom said that she could give up the baby for adoption or move out. [why are they all sweaty?] Alex has been procrastinating about this decision all along, as she isn't sure if she can give up her daughter (plus, she wants more than just an open adoption), but she's even more scared of raising a child alone. [if that scares you more and you have no family or boyfriend support, you'd think she'd weigh the pros and cons differently...] Her siblings tell her how hard it will be to have a baby and be in school.
July, 39 Weeks: Matt is acting flaky and doesn't even show up to mini-golf. He's grumpy at an ultrasound but does manage to have a conversation about how Alex needs to put the baby first. One of her friends' moms offers to adopt the baby, and it doesn't have to be right away, either. [this could be a good solution to wanting more

Photo by MTV

than an open adoption...] Her friend's neighbor has a room for rent, which would be $260-$275/month. [in the photo, from the left, Briana's mother, Briana, Alex, the neighbor/landlady]
July, 40 Weeks: She moves some of her things into the open room, but goes into labor the following morning. Matt is difficult to reach, but the next thing you know, it's been eighteen hours and Arabella Elizabeth is born on July 18th.
2 Days Old: Alex can't imagine giving away the baby. When they leave the hospital they go to Matt's place, where Alex says that she doesn't want a broken family. Her mom doesn't understand how Alex will afford it, but she's determined to keep Arabella. But, she had hoped to return to work in just a few days and is unable to, so she's not going to have enough to cover her rent. [DAYS? Craziness!] Matt isn't helping much and says that he'll work on getting a factory job. [but he never does. of course.]  
2 Weeks Old: Matt hasn't given her any money and isn't helping with the baby. She ends up moving back in with her mom and doesn't feel like she owes anything to her landlord.[what?? she clearly just doesn't understand how anything works, huh?] Her mom throws together a welcome party, but during it Alex's landlord decides to kick her stuff to the curb. [if the party was spur-of-the-moment, how were there so many presents??] Alex leaves the event (against her mother's wishes) to go check things out, and all of her stuff is in the driveway. [eh. maybe tossing it the same day was a bit rough, but announcing you can't pay the rent via text is also inappropriate.] 
August, 3 Weeks Old: Her grandparents offer her a car to help her get to school and work, but she soon realizes that $167/week is going to be the cheapest childcare she can find, so she'll just have to finish high school online instead. 
September, 7 Weeks Old: Matt misses the bus and asks Alex to drive him to school. [not really noteworthy except for the fact that you would think he'd ask a friend who was already going to school to help him...]
September, 2 Months Old: She's back to both jobs but is losing her social life. [can't have it all, kid!] Matt agrees to watch Arabella so Alex can work, but then he doesn't show up. Alex has been repeatedly defending Matt to her mom (only because she doesn't want Arabella to grow up without a father like she had to), but he keeps saying that it's just too hard to be a teen parent. [well, yeah!] This just leads to a fight where he says that he won't come around or pay anything, as he'd rather see his friends. She calls him a dead-beat dad but keeps Arabella -  she still can't let go of her, but she doesn't want to let go of her dreams, either. [rough spot. you know how this could have been prevented? not having sex until you're ready for a baby.]

Last Man Standing: Mike's Father Is Around

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Ready for yet another similar move between Last Man Standing and Home Improvement? Mike's dad goes by "Bud," as did Tim Taylor's boss over on Tool Time way back when. The idea that the guy is all about tall tales (inventing the Big Mac??) reminds me of Benny on Home Improvement, too, though the characters are not alike otherwise. I'd definitely leave this episode out of my rotation of I re-watched the season - mostly because it didn't add a whole lot. We've already been introduced to Mike's father (and brother) and know that there are tensions between them. Between that and the fact that there really wasn't much of a second storyline (Mike having high blood pressure was really just a detail of the main plot), this is a miss. With only two episodes to go, I'm rooting for some hilarity, how about you?

Last Man Standing "This Bud's for You" (S01E22): The Baxters look at condos for Mike's father and brother. Apparently Stella, Mike's father's girlfriend, is also going to be staying there, which gives the family an opportunity to meet her. [I don't think this show needs more characters. did Eve's hair grow?? and that was a poor Tim Tebow joke.] Mike isn't thrilled, and Vanessa tells him that it's okay for his father to love again, though that only opens the conversation about them dating after one another passes on. [eh. that was okay.]

(ABC/CARIN BAER)

Bud asks Vanessa what Mike thought of Stella... she says that he's warming up to her., but maybe he shouldn't bring her around again until Mike lowers his blood pressure a little bit. Similarly, everyone at work is trying to be chill around Mike, but doing a junky marketing video as if he's in a river kayak probably didn't help anything. Then, the family learns that Bud sent Stella away to keep Mike unstressed. [awww, both cute and sad.] Mike goes over to tell his dad that he wants him to be happy, and that's pretty much the end of it. [Hawaiian music to fall asleep to?]