Growing Up (a) Gamer: Part 1 – In the Beginning…

by J. Adams

I was born in 1984 and, though I can’t prove it, I was probably born with a controller in my hand.  That in itself should be odd considering that 1984 was actually the year in which industry analysts – analysts of a young, struggling industry to be sure – were questioning the long term viability of any sort of home video game market in the United States.   It was a great question at the time, since the industry that had been worth around $3 billion the year before was now worth about 3% of that, netting only around $100 million and seeing the demise of nearly all the companies producing home consoles and/or games.

1983 saw a second massive crash in the home video gaming market – the first being in 1977 – in the U.S. that very nearly destroyed the industry before it really got started.   The first and second generation of home game systems included the venerable Atari 2600, the Amiga, the Commodore 64, and the Magnavox Odyssey – most of which you will hear about from Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory - or by the occasional nostalgic gamer geek that says “they just don’t make them like that anymore.”  Personally, I’m rather glad that we’ve moved past it. 

From what I understand, I spent most of 1985 trying to eat various small, brightly colored objects which I believe should have been a clue to my parents as to what my eventual obsession would be. This is the year that, despite predictions of impending doom from Electronic Games magazine, the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was released in the U.S.  The initial game library consisted of only a dozen games, including Super Mario Brothers, Duck Hunt, Kung Fu, and my personal favorite, Excitebike.

Behold - The machine that almost
single-handedly rescued the home
video game industry.

During the next few years, the NES had a pretty good stranglehold on the home video game market, since its only competition was the Sega Master System, which wasn’t released until 1986. We still had the Amiga and the Commodore 64, but those weren’t really ‘consoles’ any more than today’s gaming PC is a console. I played a great many of the NES games that came out, but given that I was only 4 or 5, I spent most of that time mashing the couple of buttons on the controllers.

I’m sure that industry “insiders” and people far more well-known than I will disagree, but I believe the true Golden Age of video gaming started in 1991 when the Super Nintendo was released. I was only 7, but I just knew that 16-bit was something magical and I absolutely had to have it – but when my parents asked me what system I wanted for my birthday, I asked for the Sega Genesis. The Genesis had been out for two years before the Super Nintendo’s release and was  advertising a much ‘cooler’ character than the old standby Mario – Sonic the Hedgehog. 

The Glorious Golden Age.   

 As soon as I played the first few levels of the original Sonic the Hedgehog, I was hooked.  The game was fast and colorful – far more than the old Super Mario Brothers on the NES – and I vividly remember being quite simply entranced by what I was seeing.  The Genesis kept my attention for a long time, putting out games like Toejam and Earl – which I used to play for hours with my father – Pirates! Gold, Phantasy Star, (my first “RPG),– General Chaos( which had great puns in it that I didn’t understand until many years later), Altered Beast (“Rise from your grave!”), and so many more that trying to talk about them all would increase my word count for this article without actually saying anything. 

It was probably 1993 when I did eventually get my Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) and got reacquainted with Mario and Luigi. Following that act was difficult, but when The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past was released, I found myself sinking many more hours at a time into a single activity than I ever had before.  The SNES was also the home of the new (to me) Final Fantasy series – I had played the original on the NES, but I was too young to have the patience to stick with it. Now that I was getting to be a pre-teen, I was, of course, growing far more mature and sophisticated than my parents were giving me credit for. Final Fantasy II and Final Fantasy III introduced me to the concept of (gasp!) storytelling in a video game, and even today I remember the casts of excellent characters that I spent 60+ hours – per playthrough – working on.

A lot of new third-party developers were getting involved in the gaming market around this time, bringing out dozens of games a month. Even though I was playing video games far more often than I was doing most anything else, I just couldn’t keep up. I made it a point, though, to keep up with a couple of companies that consistently seemed to produce great games – my favorite of them was responsible for the Final Fantasy series, and probably my favorite game of all time, Chrono Trigger. That company was Squaresoft, and this would turn out to be fairly important for me.

Eventually, around the time I was reaching my teenage years, the Sony PlayStation was nearing release – this was going to be something entirely different than anything anyone had seen yet – the games weren’t going to be on cartridges anymore. Instead, they would be using optical discs which promised better graphics, longer games, and – this was hugely important back then – higher polygon counts. I pretended to know what that meant in a more specific way than ‘things will look better’ but I honestly had no clue what any of it meant.

Nintendo had decided to continue on with cartridges on its new Nintendo 64 system. I may have stuck with Nintendo except for one little thing – Squaresoft had made the decision to develop exclusively for the PlayStation and the next game in the Final Fantasy series, Final Fantasy VII was going to be on the PlayStation. My decision was more or less made for me.

The first PlayStation came out in 1995, and I had one before 1995 turned to 1996. Sony had gotten around not being able to save games directly onto a cartridge by having Memory Cards, and I thought it was just amazingly cool to be able to save so many different games to one device. The technical capabilities of the PlayStation allowed developers to do things that I wouldn’t have thought possible. The graphics on the cutscenes for Final Fantasy VIII made me wonder how anything could possibly look any better without being filmed live.

Glimpsing the Future...

My taste in video games was beginning to solidify with this new system. I didn’t care for racing games, fighting games, or too many of the first-person shooters that were available (which, in all honesty, wasn’t very many).  My gaming dollar was going to roleplaying games, strategy games, and the occasional platformer. This was also the time when I was getting to have some serious brand loyalty. As much as I hate to admit it, I was probably a Sony fanboy for whatever that really meant back then. I didn’t bother with the Nintendo 64 or the Sega Saturn, other than the couple of times I rented the hardware from Blockbuster Video when it was still a profitable company.

Next week in Part 2, I’ll get into the Sixth Generation of the consoles, which is when the “console wars” really began in earnest – and I was old enough to understand and care…at least to an extent.

Top Ten Memorable Video Gamers on Television

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Guess what? We're getting a new writer! J. Adams will be joining TheTalkingBox's staff starting tomorrow. You might remember that, a while back, we looked at a few television technologies and did some writing about not just what you watch on TV, but what you watch TV on. Well, how about other things that you DO with your TV? The list is quite impressive at this point, but our new writer will be focusing on video games, as a vast majority of those are played through consoles connected to televisions. We'll be starting with a look back on some video game history, but you can look forward to game reviews, recommendations, retrospectives, and more.

So, in celebration of this new branch to our site, today we take a look at some of the most memorable instances of video gamers on television - did you realize just how many shows depict characters playing video games at one time or another? Sometimes they're single episodes (like the Scrubs gang playing Unreal Tournament III or Kovac's impulse buy on ER), but other times they are regular activities for the characters, so let's dive right in and take a look. If we missed somebody you think should have made the cut, let us know in the comments!

10. Frasier "The Apparent Trap" (S07E09): Now, Frasier's son, Frederick, plays both console games and handheld games when visiting from Boston, but this episode sticks out in my mind because Niles repeatedly dies in the intro level. It's not rocket science, but the sitcom has built both Frasier and Niles into being so deficient in anything "normal" kids did (remember the later episode where Daphne has to teach them to ride bicycles?) that the character just dies as soon as Niles takes the controller. 

9. Friends "The One Where Joey Dates Rachel" (S08E12): Yeah, okay, the "main" story may have been about Joey and Rachel exploring their feelings for one another, but the memorable plotline is that Phoebe's wedding gift to Monica and Chandler finally arrives. She decided to present them with a retired arcade game, Ms. Pac-Man. While Phoebe and Monica are fiercely competitive initially, it's unemployed Chandler who becomes obsessed, ultimately filling the Best Scores board with dirty words. The clinching moment of the episode, however, is a tie between Chandler realizing that his hand is now cramped into a joystick position and Ross's son Ben walking in to hear Phoebe's diarrhea-of-the-mouth when she loses.

8. Seinfeld "The Frogger" (S09E18): This episode is remarkably close to the end of the iconic show, but it offers some great gaming moments. Not only is George obsessive about making sure his "top score" is preserved, but he also takes on the challenge of maneuvering the arcade game in traffic as if he were the frog in the classic game. Add in an overhead view and some cheesy sound effects and we've got ourselves an adult taking a game all too seriously. 

by pacman1990 at GIFSoup

7. How I Met Your Mother "The Third Wheel" (S03E03): Barney and Marshall are so engrossed in a game of Wii Tennis that they're actually not going to go down to MacLaren's. But wait, it gets better. As the trash talk begins to mount, Marshall removes his pants for "freedom and mobility" and Barney switches into British mode, using words like "crumpet" and "bangers and mash" to distract Marshall. Lily comes home and is there when Ted calls to announce he's got a "tricycle" building, and everyone needs to clear the apartment. While it would have been funnier if the men had refused to give up their game for the tricycle, they honor the Bro Code and hide to give Ted and the ladies the apartment.

6. Step by Step "Video-Mania" (S03E06): This is really an episode about perfectionism, which may explain why I'm particularly drawn to it. See, Mark, the brainy boy in the family, receives an "A" on an assignment. Normally, that would be great, but for children accustomed to seeing "A+" at the top of their papers, it causes some alarm. Stepfather Frank thinks that playing a video game will help Mark with his stress. Unfortunately, Mark can't enjoy the game for what it is; he makes it a constant competition with himself - to get to the next level, to have the highest score - and is soon up all night mashing the buttons. Frank and Carol wind up taking him to a support group for video game addicts, and BAM! he's cured.

5. Futurama "Anthology of Interest II" (S04E03): The Professor's "What If" Machine allows Fry to see what life would be like if it were a video game. Well, in the sub-story "Raiders of the Lost Arcade," Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Mario, and Space Invaders are all showcased in one way or another. This episode is particularly interesting because Fry must personally battle the Space Invaders as if the world depended on it - and I think that a lot of us can relate to the endscene, where Fry admits that he could never get the final one... his brother always did it for him.

photo credit: Futurama and Matt Groening

4. House: The brilliant doctor plays anything and everything - Metroid Zero Mission, Metroid Prime Hunters, MX vs. ATV, Ninja Gaidan II, racing games, and a couple of handheld consoles come to mind. Oh, and that one with the apes - it looked cool, though I think SavageScape was fictional. House plays alone, with Wilson on the weekends, and with Taub at work. Taub and Foreman also played games together when they were roommates. While there aren't specific episodes that come to mind, video games were showcased throughout several seasons of the show, and I particularly liked how they infiltrated work and home. 

3. Clarissa Explains it All: I may be wrong, but just about every episode I can remember had Clarissa DESIGNING her own video games. Yes, sometimes all she'd do is put her brother's head on something and kill it, but she was always creating thematic screens. But is was 1991-1994, and Clarissa was a girl, so Nickelodeon was really being a little edgy with writing her into being able to do such advanced stuff when she was 14 and the Super Nintendo was just coming out. Talk about girl power! 

2. South Park "Make Love, Not Warcraft" (S10E08): Yes, the kids do play video games on a multitude of platforms throughout the series. BUT, I don't know how you could argue that their most memorable gamer episode is when Kyle, Kenny, Stan, and Cartman become obsessed with World of Warcraft and killing a specific player, who has become drunk with power. The references to guys doing nothing but playing games for 21 hours a day for months on end are ridiculous - the kids are all overweight and acne-ridden, they survive off of energy drinks and hot pockets, and they use words like "pwned" in real life. In the end, they're able to defeat the "Griefer" and are happy that they can "finally play the game." Hardcore, my friends. 

southparkstudios.com

1. The Big Bang Theory: The guys are all into video gaming and even Penny plays a few times, showing some great beginner's aptitude. They're big on Halo, RockBand, and Age of Conan, though others certainly make appearances. Heck, there's a whole episode about Sheldon's World of Warcraft account getting hacked and someone stealing his ostrich, leading our favorite physicist to call the police, though it's Penny who delivers a swift kick to the thief's groin and gets back Sheldon's stuff. It's also good to note that the guys believe in owning every geeky item out there, so they don't discriminate when it comes to XBox vs. PS3 vs. PC games, allowing them to fully embrace the many gaming options available to them. And, with this series still going on, you can pretty much bet that we haven't seen the end of their gaming episodes! 

Melissa & Joey: Again with the Dancing

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I understand that the show is titled Melissa AND Joey, but the idea that their storylines intertwine all the time is getting old, and it's a bit early for that. Yes, they're probably going to end up together at some point, but why do we need to drive all of this tension between them now? And, for the love of teenagers everywhere, can we do something with Ryder that doesn't involve Holly? They've been joined at the hip on camera for quite a while now, completely destroying any hope of Ryder getting some independent screentime or even a worthwhile storyline. Lennox, on the other hand, has been appearing with old friends, new friends, boyfriends, boyfriends of friends, and the whole family... yes, she's a cute character with a different attitude toward 2012 high school than we're seeing on other series, but perhaps she could be dialed down a notch? I don't know, maybe I'm just wanting to see this series be something it's not... thoughts?

Melissa & Joey "Mixed Doubles" (S02E07): Joe meets one of Mel's colleagues, Ariel, and takes an instant liking to her. [do you ever think that the adults on this show are a bit sex-crazed?] Mel warns him that a CEO might not be for him, but he goes on a date with her anyway and has a good time. As a thank-you, Joe sets up Mel with an old pal of his, Clark, whose wife left him 89 weeks ago. [when a guy can tell you exactly how long he's been alone, don't date him. just a thought. though, it's probably better than sitting at home, teaching yourself to knit!] Clark and Mel have a good time reminiscing about old songs, but just after Mel gives Joe a positive mid-date report, Clark begins missing his wife. [haha at "The Twist."] After Joe hears about it, he suggests that they double to take off some pressure. [eh. I never doubled when I was part of a new relationship, so I can't exactly weigh-in, but seeing friends double with my husband and I doesn't make me think this is true. Sometimes I think the pressure increases.] But, his choice of a dance club doesn't sit well with Ariel or Clark, who only dance to one song each with their dates. When Clark decides that he has to try to get his wife back, he leaves... just after Ariel tells Joe that it's over between them. It's only 8:17pm, so the two of them decide to do some dancing. [well, you have to keep up appearances... who comes home before 9:30pm?] Before you know it, however, Joe is back with Valerie, a barista who carries around her father's ashes. [seriously.] 

http://abcfamily.go.com

Meanwhile, Lennox has been kicked off the school blog, so she decides to start her own. Problem is, she'd rather work on her blog than go to a movie, disappointing new boyfriend, Haskell. [bleh to Lennox's hair but loved Mel's tunic!] After doing a post that says "I'm sorry, Haskell," they decide to in parallel, and she says that they can take make-out breaks every twenty minutes. [yeah, because this is a great solution.] Ryder interrupts to suggest she name her blog, "Lennox Explains It All." [inside joke x1M!]

Futurama: The Choosening

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

"Made from 100% Recycled Pixels," you know! I liked this episode because it was some western animation able to do a spoof on some social issues without having to get as raunchy as South Park does. While I'm a bit sick of politics at the moment (yeah, I know, it's not even July yet and it's an election year), I still got a good laugh, especially out of "Earth Certificate" !! I'd say that this season of Futurama is off to a good start, so let's hope that the episodes continue to be this entertaining. If you disagree (and I have a feeling that some of you might), let us know why.

photo credit: Futurama TM and © 2010 Twentieth
Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

Futurama "Decision 3012" (S07E03): [first off, Leela and Fry have both arms again, so it's been about a month or longer.] Nixon's head is running for President of Earth again, and he's giving away beer. Between that, taking a shot at illegals taking citizens' jobs, and mentioning treating poor people like gravel, Bender, Fry, Zoidberg, and the bulk of the gang are ready to vote for him. Leela disagrees, and after hearing Senator Travers discuss issues like lowering taxes and the deficit, she decides to volunteer to be his campaign manager. [glad we plugged social media and then nothing happened with it, LoL. nice use of the toad, tho.] Travers wins the nomination (with Greenland in second) and is up against Nixon, who hires Bender to dig up some dirt. Bender has nothing but Travers' full name, so Nixon decides to start a rumor that his middle name sounds "alien," so maybe he wasn't born on Earth. [::eye roll:: at both Bender's antics and Nixon starting the rumor.] Bender publicly demands to see Travers' "Earth Certificate," so after Travers tells Leela that he was born in Kenya, Leela and some of the others head there to break into the hospital. [breaking in by using a giraffe to bust the glass??] Travers shows up as they peruse the files, and they learn that he isn't technically alive yet - he'll be born the following day. [...and now we're getting into the ridiculous phase...] See, he was sent back from 3028, as Nixon's re-election led to mass starvation, desperation, despair, and economic collapse, all because of Nixon's fence to keep out the illegals. Well, with robots having to do the menial labor, they revolted, led by Bender. [haha! "I'm low on bullets, everyone squish together!"] Then, Travers tells of his upbringing - raised by grandparents, went to Harvard Law, etc. Leela decides that broadcasting Travers' birth on live TV will fix things,and his true Earth Certificate even goes ahead and names him "Senator." Well, he wins the election, but because that means the robot revolution doesn't happen, it also means he was never sent back in time, effectively allowing Nixon to run unopposed and win. [but why wouldn't Greenland have been his opponent??]

The bottomline: It really doesn't matter who you vote for. [ha!]

The Exes: Stuart's Back in the Game

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

So, the theme song is a little catchier this episode, though I still think it was a bad move for the series. At least it's a real song, though... we all know how hard it has been to get one of those for a show these days! The episode itself, however, was a bit annoying to me. In the same way that some 2 Broke Girls episodes are - lots of sex jokes, pen!s jokes, and size jokes. Still, I found it to be a fairly amusing episode, though I disagreed with the scene toward the end where Holly goes up to Susan and nudges her about Stuart's fine points. Am I alone? What did you think of this episode? Or are you just realizing that this sitcom is back to new episodes, LoL?

The Exes "What Women Want" (S02E02): At the bar, Haskell explains that Phil gets the "power seat" because he's the "pack leader." [um, ok.] Stuart has his eye on a blonde who has been coming in, but he chickens out of making a move. Phil and Holly give him conflicting advice, and he decides to go for it... even though he only walks away with a "friend me on Facebook." [ouch!]

The next morning, the fact that Holly mooches food and eats out all the time becomes apparent, and after spilling some OJ on herself, she silently gets an eyeful of naked Stuart when going for a towel. He's apparently quite well-endowed, as Holly'd distracted at work and winds up spilling the secret to Eden. Of course, our pint-size paralegal (or assistant, whatever) makes excuses about Stuart needing to sign some more divorce papers. [ha!] Well, then it's only a matter of time before Haskell and Phil hear the story from Holly as well, with different reactions. Haskell freaks out and Phil doesn't believe it, so the three go to the gym sauna to check it out for themselves. [I was kinda interested in what their plan was going to be to get Stuart to disrobe... I wouldn't have anticipated him being the "remove the towel" type.]

facebook.com/TheExesTV

Back at the apartment, Haskell does all sorts of things for Stuart, who is confused by Holly's awkwardness around him when he teaches her to wash a cucumber when making a salad. [is a salad really a meal that you need to teach? seriously?] Later, at the bar, Susan isn't too into Stuart so Holly decides to spice it up by letting her know that he's "enormously gifted." Unfortunately, Susan is dense and Holly has to spell it out, so Stuart overhears and is embarrassed. That night, Holly apologizes, and it turns out that Stuart had sex with Susan, then took her out for coffee. Holly takes it as if she was the one that made that happen. [hahahaha, love it!]

Pregnant in Heels: Trust, Botox, Colors, Presents

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Dang. The first 15 minutes of this broadcast were super-full of background on the clients! We also got more of Rosie's own life in this episode, which was nice. Unfortunately, we didn't see both of Donna's concerns fulfilled - while Rosie finally convinced her to trust a potential baby nurse, they left the botox issue alone after one suggestion... I would have liked to see a second attempt. This episode also offered some diversity to the normal clients - not only were we in California instead of New York, we also saw a male-male couple with children via surrogate, which I thought was more than appropriate, as I can't imagine all of Rosie's clients decide to birth their own children. Overall, I'd like to see more middle-ground clients - Donna was incredibly demanding while Victor and Chris were pretty easy to satisfy, so hopefully we'll see less of those types as the season rolls forward.

Pregnant in Heels "Welcome to Hollywood" (S02E07): Two new clients are in California, and Rosie is opening a new store in Santa Monica, so we see Rosie and her husband arrive at the new location. She's so shocked that they've gotten to this point. [I can totally believe that - who would have thought that there is a market for maternity concierge?] They celebrate the opening of the new store with some celebrities and the NY team.

Photo by: Evans Vestal Ward/Bravo

Client #1: Donna and Jason are pregnant with their first, and she has a demanding job in fashion. Her problems are 1) she misses her botox (she's been getting injected for about ten years now), 2) she needs to hire a baby nurse but is afraid of theft, and 3) she experiences a lot of random pains. The third issue is largely ignored, because although Donna says her feet, boobs, and "vagina bones" all give her trouble, she's found a chiropractor who has been taking care of her issues. [whoa. at first I thought she meant her pubic bone, but now maybe she meant her ligaments were tight?] The first concern is really Donna looking for a safe alternative to botox, so Rosie brings in a "facial fitness expert," which is something that Rosie doesn't know too much about. [I couldn't believe that Donna didn't believe Cynthia never had botox. more importantly, how does Rosie even have a basis for her "experts" out in Cali at this point?] Donna doesn't see herself practicing any of the exercises, and the subject is ignored for the rest of the episode.

Onto the nanny/theft issue. Jason isn't sure that cameras all over the house are necessary, but Donna wants 100-150 cameras. It seems that she's satisfied with the 64 or so that Rosie's security expert, Ray, installs, though, as long as she also gets alarms on doors so that if closets are opened, she'll get a text and call 911. [holy moly, this woman is RIDICULOUS!] The system records and streams, and you can check it from anywhere, even on a mobile device. [this must have cost a very pretty penny...] Rosie sets up some baby nurse interviews but also brings money, gift cards, financial info, CDs, and open chocolates that they place/hide in the nursery, so Donna can see if the nannies can be trusted amongst those things. [not a bad way to go.] Interviews begin. [way to lie about CPR, candidate #1! I totally didn't believe the idea that they'd have the candidates move around stuff and put away baby clothes as part of the interview...] #3 reads the titles of the DVDs and eats chocolates, so they get rid of her. #4 look through some paperwork more than once, and  doesn't find that to be inappropriate behavior. [wtf?] Donna is so upset that she doesn't even want to have any more interviews and asks Rosie to leave. [oh boy...] Rosie gives her time to cool down and then decides to try and figure out what it is that makes Donna so distrusting. We don't actually find out, but Donna does decide to trust Rosie and hire #2. ["I know that's what you want" was a weird thing for Rosie to say. and why are they calling from a really windy area?] Rosie meets baby Brooklyn via webcam, and (#2) Meg is working out well for the family.

Mummy IQ: [which, in this case, is more of a Nanny IQ] Do you know baby CPR? What are the healthy normal colors that poop can be? What temperature on a newborn are cause for alarm? How often does a newborn baby eat? How early can you sleep-train a baby? 

Client #2: Chris (real estate) and Victor (stay-at-home-dad) have been together for eight years and married for four - having tied the knot in St. Barts, South Africa, and New York. They are having their second daughter and are at odds over how to decorate - two-year-old Coco has a signature shade of pink, but they don't want to agonize for months again to find a color for new baby-to-be, Kiki. [let's pause for a moment to giggle at the names of the children being Coco and Kiki... also, I feel like purple or yellow are the obvious choices...] Jackie and Tyler are the color/design experts that Rosie brings in, and they have Victor and Chris cover up, then play with paint to see what "comes out." [...really?] They look at a bright orange, a cool electric green, a bright coral, an indigo purple, a red/blue thing... then they move on. Victor and Chris each pick a color and they mix it, back to an orange from yellow and red. They like a yellow-orange, called "Kiki yellow" that is close to "blazing yellow." [oooook] Rosie has a decorator handle the nursery in that hue, and Victor and Chris love it. [custom monogram??]

Their second dilemma is what to get their surrogate as a gift. Keira had a miscarriage, carried Coco, and is now carrying Kiki, so the guys feel a great gratitude towards her. Victor and Rosie go to Rodeo Drive, but Victor picks out terrible presents, like pens, phones, and watches, before finding a wonderful necklace. Later, Rosie meets Kiki via webcam.

Teen Mom: Vacation, Dating, Rules, Therapy

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

...was it just me, or was this episode fairly useless? For everyone, it was a 2-3 day adventure where not all that much happened. Maci's in Florida and hardly sees Ryan and Bentley, Farrah meets a guy but after two dates she's done, Catelynn and Tyler let Butch live with them but he's not doing the greatest job at following their rules, and Amber gets to see Gary and Leah. Nope, can't say I was too impressed with the actions that took place in the girls' lives, but they can't all be full of excitement - that wouldn't be "reality" enough. ;)

Teen Mom "Strike Out" (S04E04): It's the end of May/beginning of June for Farrah, as her birthday is May 31st. It's probably June or later for Catelynn, if this episode is in chronological order.

Maci: In Florida, Ryan's friend suggests that Maci is still in love with him. Maci is obsessed with seeing Bentley, but Ryan doesn't want her to text him the whole time, so he invites her down to see them. [ALL of her posse need to come? no.] Bentley is whiny when Ryan and Dalis leave, telling Maci to "go away," so Maci only stays for a couple minutes. [if she hadn't brought 8 friends with her, it might have gone better, LoL.] They are planning to take the family photo the next day, and Maci is worried that Dalis will try to be in it. Maci didn't like how nice Dalis was to her. [ha!] But, Dalis is respectful, and Maci even invites Ryan and Dalis out to the clubs with her and her friends. [wow... how weird would THAT have been??] Dalis was game, but Ryan thought it would be awkward, so they don't join. [think they'll be back from vacation by next episode?] 

Farrah: Farrah tells her sister that she likes one of her neighbors. [who dog-sits for someone they barely know?] Alethea watches Sophia while Farrah and Adam (who is 28) go out to the driving range. Then, for Farrah's 20th birthday, she takes Sophia to the Miami Zoo before going out to dinner with Adam to Taverna Opa while Nancy watches Sophia. [what was with the free ride she scored for them around the park? or maybe it wasn't free, but Farrah was still super-awkward about it. and why are different people watching Sophia all the time?] Adam asks Farrah what she wants to do on her day off, and she says that she wants to work... which isn't compatible with him, as he wants to chill at the beach. That's the end of their relationship, and we see Farrah call her sister to update her. [eh. he was a neighbor. he was convenient. let's move on.]  

Catelynn: Butch is out of jail and planning to stay with Catelynn and Tyler. Tyler goes over the rules of the house again, and it looks like Butch might stay for about six months. Except, soon, Butch stays out all night, doesn't check-in with the kids, and doesn't answer his phone. [but he also doesn't have a key?] Tyler explains to him that he only gets one more chance, as they don't want the responsibility of parenting a parent. [totally understandable.]

Photo by MTV

Amber: Amber is told that she and Leah and Gary can't actually all be together, as there was a miscommunication. [boo!] Gary admits that he is jealous of Amber's other guys, but she winds up getting upset and leaving before they can really discuss it further. [of course. some things never change.] We do learn, however, that Amber struggles to take her medications on-time. [well, that's her own fault, so she needs to get her act together.]

Cake Boss: Mount Rushmore & Marissa's Cake

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Was it just me or was this a week where it really would have been better to have two episodes? I thought that this episode was pretty boring... we have Marissa doing a side project for the Lisas while Buddy wants to prove that he can sculpt faces just like Ralph and some of the others. Oh, and a fifteen-second shot of Mary carrying stuff back to the bakery. Yep, that's this episode in a nutshell. :-/

The Cake Boss "Presidents, Peanut Butter & Poppin-in" (S05E08): A guy whose grandfather was involved in the creation of Mount Rushmore comes in, and Buddy is thrilled to work on this cake. Ralph is worried about how exact everything needs to be, as the faces are much larger than the normal ones he does. Buddy wants to sculpt Lincoln, which will be a challenge for him, as he usually does cartoon-type pieces. He accidentally rips off the nose, but finishes in about seven hours. After the faces are in place, they work on the mountain, using many layers to make it look lifelike. [those little rocks of modeling chocolate looked so real!]

http://tlc.howstuffworks.com

Marissa is supposed to make a chocolate-peanut-butter cake for SisterLisa, just like the one she did on The Next Great Baker finale, but she has trouble when some of the guys act like the bakery doesn't have small measuring implements. Everyone likes it, so Buddy asks her to make more of them to sell in the store. [cool.]

The episode ends with Mary walking back into the bakery, "to help." [...yeah... I like this show for the cake, not the drama...]

Secret Life: First Day of School

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Well, everyone who was guessing that Ricky and Amy didn't really get married was correct! While it's interesting that they think they can keep this lie going, it's going to unravel awfully fast once they fill out the health insurance paperwork! I say they go down to the courthouse and get a marriage license, pronto. Of course, I doubt that's what's going to happen, and you can almost bet on the fact that rumors will fly and everyone will know before the important people - which, in this case, I'm going to consider Margaret, George, and Leo, though Shaker, Nora, and Anne certainly deserve to know as well. I don't know that we'll see much of Anne with the "group" for a while... it appears that they're heading down the Mimzi's illness storyline and will probably kill her off soon. Honestly, they almost need to - I think we're at a higher character count than Degrassi at this point!

The Secret Life of the American Teenager "I Do and I Don't" (S05E03): It's the first day of school and everyone is congratulating Amy on getting married. Grace even gives her a Bible. [hmmmm...] Dylan's mother made a four-tier wedding cake for Amy, so she spends the day hauling that around on an AV cart. [what a bad idea!] As Amy opens her locker (booby-trapped with confetti and whatnot), a flashmob begins (thanks to Ethan), to "Marry You," with Madison and Lauren singing and tons of dancers holding the Ricky masks. [Ricky on a stick?] Also, Madison's hair is blond and straight now, by the way. I thought the flashmob was neat, but WAY too long. and what's with the exclusivity of that "Marry You" song??] We also learn later that the church nursery had an impromptu wedding shower for Amy.

Now, it's time for an update on how people are responding to Ricky... Leo shows up to present Ricky with a gift from Nora - Amy and John are now covered by his insurance. [so... Nora's gift was filing?] He also gifts him a ton of cash. [cue Ethan robbing Ricky...] Leo then offers Ricky a place in his company, be it butchering, in the office, as an international associate, whatever works. This would, of course, be after Ricky finishes his business degree. [nice! who offers someone a job FOUR YEARS EARLY, though?] Ricky is worried about competing with Ben, but Leo tells him that Ben has other plans. Later, at the college bookstore, Adrian points out that Ben hates Ricky and would never let him have a big part in Leo's company. [boo on that killjoy!] After work, Ricky goes to see Margaret, who gives Ricky her parents' wedding bands. [I love how much love that woman has to give. remarkable!]

After discussing their days, Ricky and Amy decide to watch their wedding video... or, should I say, "Amy & Dicky's Wedding" video. The video is poor quality with no editing, and we find out that it was so bad that they left without actually tying the knot. [they didn't have any witnesses anyway...]

Back to the school day... Kaitlin is asking the seniors to mentor freshmen, and Amy is matched with Kathy, a pregnant new girl. [OF COURSE they have to match the teen mothers together. ::eye roll::] Her boyfriend was a fan of the pull-out method, but it didn't work. [why did they allow Amy's character to suspect that Kathy was raped, though? will rape be coming up soon on the show?] Kathy plans to give her baby up for adoption, and already has a family picked out. [good for her.] The only other senior we see attempt to be matched was Ben, who claims that he's always in trouble and nobody should look up to him. [there's a lot to say here...] And, on that topic, Ben causes a few problems right then and there. He runs into student-teacher Omar and accuses him of being a pervert, and won't let it go until Omar says he'll have to report this. Ben quickly apologizes, but it's too late, Omar tells Kaitlin, who says that an investigation will be opened. [remember when we used to like Ben? and, by "we," I mean everyone? LoL.] Ben then bumps into Amy, around whom he's been awkward, upset that she didn't tell him when she got married. He decides to confesses that he's always loved her. [WHOA. this is going to start SO MUCH trouble!] Well, one of Dylan's friends overhears both conversations, and soon all of Dylan's friends know and suggest she break up with Ben because he's "cracking up." [is this teen lingo now?] Oh, and one more bit about the school day - Madison and Lauren feel fat and poor because they don't have uniforms. [I don't even know what to say here. Though, Lauren quoting The Help was a bit odd.]

Over at the college, the new football coach sees Jack praying and decides to make him the team's "Tebow," demanding the HS coach (the one who played Sgt. Michaels on 7th Heaven... I don't think he has a name?) get Jack back in church to make it legitimate. He calls Grace, and we don't actually hear the conversation, so look for that to come up next episode. 

http://abcfamily.go.com

Then, we're inundated with dinner conversations. [seriously. did we need to see FIVE different dinner scenes??] Grace says the blessing for a meal with George, Kathleen, and Tom, pointing out that Jacob has gone back to Africa for now. [Kathleen and George not being able to stop kissing at the dinner table was awkward. Jacob being missing for a while should be interesting, though.] Over at Adrian's parents' house, Omar is making nice with Ruben and Cindy, which irritates Adrian. [so... if Omar's dad and Adrian are both detectives of one nature or another, are we about to find out that they know each other, too?] Omar is also a topic of conversation between Leo and Ben, as Ben avoids talking about the fire to mention that he's going to be questioned for what he said to Omar. Ben also decides that Ricky is responsible for ALL of Ben's big problems over the past few years, as he "stole" Ben's life. [hahaha. Though, we're almost getting to the point where Ben's going to wind up in some serious therapy...]

Over at George's, Nora has made beanies and weenies for Ashley and Toby. [bleh. people still eat that?] Ashley finds it revolting, then lets it slip that she's moving to Italy, telling Toby that he's coming. [she is SO demanding. her and Amy both have horrible attitudes toward other people sometimes.] Toby says that he doesn't have the money to go and he can't leave in as short notice as Sunday anyway. He also says that she should stop running but she can't see staying in a place that she hates... so he's going to consider moving with her anyway. It also seems that George may not be aware of Ashley's plans. [prepare for a big speech from him next episode!]

Down at Mimzi's, Anne apologizes for eloping, to which Mimzi says that Anne was present at her wedding. [this could be interesting...] Mimzi doesn't always associate Anne as being her daughter, so she mentions that she's sorry that she made her daughter feel bad for eloping years ago. Mimzi also doesn't "get" that Anne is gay. [did we change the child playing Robbie?]

Falling Skies: Moving On Again

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Tom was injured last week, Jimmy was injured this week... anyone wonder if that's going to be a recurring theme this season? If so, I'm willing to bet that it's Matt next episode. I like the idea that they're heading south toward Charleston, but it's quite the journey, so I imagine that they'll only just reach it as the season wraps up, so be prepared to watch the 2nd Mass travel for quite a few episodes. This could be interesting, especially when attacks cause immobilization of the wounded and the medvan has to fall behind the convoy. I also foresee the scouts to become overtired, as they'll constantly be on the lookout and moving, whether it's to see what's ahead, come back and report, or travel with the group... they really need to get some transmission communication working. Perhaps Weaver could have discussed that more with Avery, as they've allegedly been getting in touch with Europeans!

Falling Skies "Compass" (S02E03): Tom thinks that they need to get moving again, and Dr. Glass agrees. She may be the only one attempting to keep track of the calendar anymore, which is curious right up until you find out that she is still attempting to remember the deceased, like the birthday of her son, Sammy. [awww.] Tom talks to Weaver about moving, and the plan is to go north to the Catskills for the winter. On his way back, Tom hears something and stumbles upon Pope, who has assembled a group to get rid of Tom, calling him "an alien stooge." [how much more can they make us hate Pope?] They take him to the woods, but Ben and Jimmy find them and rescue Tom. See, Ben and Jimmy have been going beyond the boundaries of their patrol in order to "hunt Skitters." [yeah, this is a GREAT idea... ::eye roll::] This is of interest particularly because the 2nd Mass believes that there are none within 100 miles or so. Anyway, Weaver's solution is to leave behind Pope and his Berserkers when everyone else leaves. Except, many people still wonder if Tom is a walking time bomb, so he volunteers to be assigned to the Berserkers' squad, so he can keep an eye on Pope. [not 100% sure of Tom's logic there, but whatever.] 

Jimmy is impaled by a branch while on patrol, so Ben admits to hunting Skitters at night. The Berserkers go on patrol and do find some Skitters nearby, and Pope and Tom differ in opinion over what to do. Pope wants to shoot them but Tom claims that they should observe what they're doing. The group listens to Tom. [what? why? why would they listen to Tom? He's the new guy AND not "in command."]

Photo:  James Dittiger

Jimmy stops breathing and loses his pulse, so they administer CPR until the boy passes. [awww.] Ben notices that Jimmy's compass (given to him by Weaver) has gone missing, and Tom ends up fighting Pope to get it back. [did we need another altercation? why stage this?] Pope goes to Weaver to say that Tom disobeyed an order the night before, and Weaver sides with Tom's decisions. Pope announces that he and the Berserkers are leaving the 2nd Mass, and Anthony decides to join them, as he both owes Pope and wants to make sure the Berserkers don't double-back on the 2nd Mass. [so, we'll definitely see the groups again, got it.] Ben gives Jimmy's compass back to Weaver, then breaks down on Weaver's shoulder. [poor Ben. that kid is having the roughest time. :(]

A plane shows up, flown by Avery Churchill, who claims that Charleston, South Carolina, now has a militia and a Continental Congress that governs about 3,000 people. [this is pretty big news.] She wants everyone to head down there (to the land of hot water!), but Weaver wants proof, because he doesn't want their position being given out. [reasonable.] Even though they don't have enough snow chains to go to the Catskills, Weaver still considers going north, until he realizes that they owe it to Jimmy (and the ~123 others who have passed since Weaver took control) to try and reach "civilization." The episode closes as the convoy takes off, though Ben is alone at Jimmy's grave when a Skitter comes up and activates the remaining nodes in his neck, which he keeps secret when Hal finds him to say that it's time to go. [oh boy...]

NEW SHOW: The Newsroom

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Yep! We're actually going to give an HBO show a try! I've been fairly excited about The Newsroom for a while now, as I enjoy behind-the-scenes stuff. And, my husband is a very big fan of Aaron Sorkin, so I'm rather familiar with Sports Night and Studio 60 and some of his film work as well. Plus, I have been baffled by all of the negative publicity that this show has been receiving, so I just had to see for myself! And, well, I disagree. I liked the pilot. A lot. I wasn't in love with it... but who needs to be glued to a show after a single episode, anyway? There's room for improvement (but, hey, Olivia Munn hasn't shown up yet), but I think that this show might thoroughly fascinate me... as long as I remember that they take the AP wires as seriously as I take Twitter, LoL. Anyway, here's a recap and my remarks about the pilot episode. What did YOU think? I'm particularly interested in hearing from you if you enjoyed the show... because, as it seems, many did not.

The Newsroom "We Just Decided To" (S01E01): There's nothing like jumping right into a debate. [I was eerily reminded of Boss, where a guy keeps seeing everything that's going on around him but his mind is silently elsewhere. especially with the lighting and muted sound except for Will's breathing.] The big holdup is that Will doesn't give his political allegiance, ever. He's the Jay Leno of news anchors, just keeping everyone happy. [and I can respect that.] Well, another question comes up - what makes America the greatest country in the world? One person jumps at the chance to announce "diversity" as an answer, while "freedom" is the other go-to. Will tries to say "the New York Jets," only to be told that he needs to give a real answer. Well, Will sees someone in the back of the room (later revealed to be Mackenzie) holding a sign that says, "it's not." After some contemplating, Will runs with that answer, talking about how we used to be an awesome country.... but we now need to realize that we have a problem. We are among ~200 sovereign nations that have freedom, so that doesn't set us apart. We have too many incarcerated citizens and spend too much on defense, and apparently we also have a high percentage of people who believe in angels. After walking out, Will claims to have had a vertigo episode and doesn't know what he said.

Three weeks later, Will returns from a vacation (with Erin Andrews in St. Lucia) to find the majority of the staff in his newsroom gone. He's told to immediately see Charlie (the resident drunk), where he learns that Elliot, Will's protege, will be taking over the 10pm slot, and he's taking Don (Will's executive producer) and most of the staff. We soon learn that Don asked to leave, and that many of Will's employees are not his biggest fans - the longest he's ever worked with someone is 13 weeks. [do we think that a syndication joke is coming?] The bottom line is that Will is smart and talented, but not very nice. Charlie has already hired a new EP for Will: Mackenzie, an overworked correspondent who needs a break from the extreme global coverage she's been doing. Will immediately vetoes the idea, but he doesn't actually have contractual approval, so he heads off to his agent to demand something be done.

We meet Margaret (Maggie), an intern-turned-assistant who has been dating Don, for four months now, and wants him to meet her parents. [sound like a certain couple on Sports Night, anyone?] He's not keen on the idea and asks her to make an excuse for him, just as Mackenzie shows up. Mackenzie takes an instant liking to Maggie and promotes her to associate producer. Mackenzie also uses the knowledge of Maggie & Don's relationship to have her own assistant, Jim, flirt with Maggie to get Don jealous. [what's her prerogative here?]

As Mackenzie and Will talk, we learn that they have quite the history, even though he hasn't been keeping up with her emails for three years. He's managed to turn her three-year contract into 156 one-week contracts, now, so he can fire her at the end of the week if he so chooses. Not the most interesting clause until you find out that he gave up $3M in order to be able to have this power. [whoa.] She talks of how she wants Will's show to be good AND popular, but he says that's a combination that can't be done. [Cervantes, Don Quixote, and Man of La Mancha references all pop up. and then some Antonio & Shylock, for good measure. yes, I'm serious.] While they're working out the details of their new partnership, an explosion happens off the coast of Louisiana, but Jim is the only one who seems to care - everyone else dismisses the fact that it's only "yellow" on the AP wire. Well, it's not just any explosion - the date is April 20, 2010, the beginning of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. Jim still thinks the story is worth investigating, so he goes around Don to find out that the well might not be able to be capped, and finally barges into Mackenzie and Will's meeting when he gets additional sources to admit that there's a big problem. Don tells Jim that it'll be an enormous problem if he's wrong about the gravity of the situation, but they begin to go ahead with making it into the evening's topic - everyone runs around, making calls to try and get comments from all over. Neil, who runs Will's blog, knows a thing or two about how the oil barracks work, apparently.

PHOTO CREDIT: John P. Johnson/HBO

Mackenzie apologizes to Will, then screws with him until he agrees to let her be in charge from 8-9pm five days a week. She pushes him throughout the broadcast, making him vamp to prove that an anchor and an executive producer need to trust one another in order to do a show without a rundown. The news covers the poor inspection process of the wells (635 wells per inspector per month!), which Maggie uncovered. [ha- "I'm too old to fear being governed by young people."] All in all, they did the news very well, because they "just decided to do" so.

As things start to wind down, Don is willing to meet Maggie's parents, but only for a few minutes. We learn that Charlie loved the speech that Will gave about America's faults at the Northwestern debate. It seems that the other networks ran stories about the iPhone being left at a bar and the flights resuming in Europe after the volcano. And, we learn that Mackenzie and Will were serious at one point - he met her parents and did fabulously. [she looks very young to me - I would've guessed around 30, though I guess she's closer to 40, judging by some of these comments?] Lastly, the audience becomes aware that it WAS Mackenzie in the audience at Northwestern, though Will still thinks that he imagined her there. [oooh, careful! we don't want too much romance...] 

Burn Notice - Mixed Messages... like how soft Mexican killers have gotten...

by Jonathan Bredemeyer

Burn Notice (S06E02)

In short: Fiona's not safe anywhere, and Michael & friends play DEA for a day...

Fi's writing jail letters to Michael and getting the VIP treatment in her maximum security new home. Her depressing letter puts Michael into one of his (now common) rage moments. Sam suggests he tap his old contacts since he's now legit again. So, Michael hits up Tom Card, his former training officer. Card is cold at first, but Michael yells him into giving him a job, a job that apparently can get them both fired if it goes wrong.

Heading out to a '5 star' restaurant in Washington D.C. [which looks a bit like the Old Ebbitt Grill], Card finally gets down to business and shows Michael his next job: a Mexican cartel trying to move into Miami. Michael now has to find 2 tons [yes tons] of cocaine coming into Miami.

Back home, Michael's mother shows up with his brother Nate. They buy Michael's excuse about having a job and simply leave. Card and Michael meet up with Jesse and Sam [who drags in a corpse, yum]. The new plan is to send in Michael and Jesse as rogue DEA agents who shot their boss, and, for some reason, Card really, really doesn't want Michael to lose his eavesdropping pen...

With Sam and Card in the surveillance van, Jesse and Michael head to the pool filled with guys in suits next to girls in bikinis. Turns out, Michael knows one of the lawyers near the drug lord, so he has to let Jesse proceed alone. Returning to the van, Card freaks out, but Michael talks him back in... rough-like.

Jesse heads over to drug lord Montero's table, goes with his cover story, and exchanges a few words with the lawyer. After being turned away with a knife to the throat, he drops the 2-tons-of-cocaine secret. This gets a little more attention, and Jesse gets Montero to come back to the 'safe house.' Once there, the plan plays out exactly as... planned, and Montero seems to agree to move the site of the 2-ton drop.

In a cool twist, Montero doesn't take Jesse to the boss, but straight to a DEA agent on his payroll. Jesse changes it up when arguing with the DEA agent and claims a team is about to bust in and save him. Of course, the trio outside imitates this, saves Jesse, but Montero kills the agent [which apparently Card was going to do anyway for selling out all his agents]. Finally getting to the boss, Jesse gets another test and now has to go witness the raid at the 'already known' drop location, so Michael and friends dash off to be a fake DEA team.... again.

At the drop, Jesse spots the 'DEA team' easily enough, and sells it to Montero, who then says they have to keep them busy while the shipment comes in at the new location. Jesse shoots the van Michael is sitting in first, to let him get out, before he lets Montero shoot the back which then explodes. [man, this guy can't let the cops = pigs references just die...] While en-route to the next location, Montero gets a call saying that the DEA already has the 2-ton shipment. Jesse's life flashes before his eyes as he desperately convinces Montero to roll on his boss and become a witness. [This is way farfetched. Jesse is all alone with a desperate, sold-out Mexican who's already killed one agent today. He would have shot him, no questions asked.]

Card is happy with the outcome and says Michael will most likely get to visit Fi. Nate returns to the loft after Michael's second [at least] read of the letter. He reveals that Ruth left him and took the baby. [Apparently, their mom brought Nate over for Nate... not Michael.]

(Photo by Glenn Watson/USA Network)

Meanwhile in prison, Fi is getting harassed, tested, and going hungry. She pulls out all the tricks to keep away from women who really want to hit her... Her one friend warns her of an impending ambush, and she starts making weapons: a prison lighter and 2 clubs [magazines soaked in salt water]. Fi and her new friend start a fire in a cell, and jump the women who were going to jump her. At least Fi got out some anger by beating on them with her homemade clubs for a bit... This dynamic duo is alone at the end of the episode washing dishes when Fi's friend tries to kill her. Apparently, someone called her on a mystery cellphone under her pillow and said they would kill her sister if she didn't kill Fi. Good to know Fiona hasn't been forgotten...

Best Line of the Episode:
Cartel big-shot: "One of you is telling the truth, and the other is eating a bullet."

New Spy Lessons:

• If you find yourself in prison, you have to have patience. Stay out of trouble as long as you can, but trouble will find you.
• Convincing someone they're looking at an army that's not there is an art, and all about well-placed props and people.

Predictions: Fi needs more tricks to survive in prison, and Anson snakes back into the picture...

Futurama: Baby Bender & The End of the World

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

I was really thrilled with some of the jokes in these two episodes! I was laughing here and there and having a grand ol' time, even if there were inherent problems with the agendas of these storylines, the first two of the seventh season of Futurama. I found "The Bots and the Bees" to be pretty hilarious on the whole, even if it was plagued with pokes at deadbeat parents and had to show Bender be compassionate in order to achieve the status quo by the end. On the other hand, "A Farewell to Arms" had its moments but was a but too "spoofy" for me, especially when the Mayan calendar and 2012 being the end of the world are themes that are popping up every place you look. But, that's just me. Let's hear what you thought and what you hope to see from this season!

Futurama "The Bots and the Bees" (S07E01): Isn't it funny how what you think is an emergency turns into nothing when someone else declares an emergency? Well, Fry, Leela, and Bender were about to be eaten by a giant space creature when the Professor sends the signal that everyone needs to return to Planet Express post-haste. [I thought it was funny, albeit ridiculous.] The need for immediate attention? The Professor has put in a soda machine. [that drink looks like radioactive acid. love that Wanda Sykes is the voice, tho!] Fry is immediately addicted, though Bender isn't a fan until he brings back a couple of girls and the soda machine doesn't exactly help things along. ["at least I don't put out for quarters!"] The next day, the soda machine births a mini-Bender. [hahaha! cute, tho!] 

photo credit: Futurama TM and © 2012 Twentieth Century
Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

A confused Bender is taken to the Teen Center to learn about where robot babies come from, but he isn't ready to be a father and files a Certificate of Abandonment. [loved the binary code turning into sperm.] Unfortunately, the soda machine doesn't want their offspring either, as he giggles too much. [awww! that made me sad!] Left alone with the baby, Bender steps up, soothing the child by bending things. [of course. and, "that's my bastard!"] Bender teaches little Ben to steal just fine, but isn't able to pass on the art of bending for some reason. Well, it seems that Ben only has one expander slot, and it's currently being used by a memory card. At his bot-mitzvah, Ben speaks highly of his father when his mother busts in, wanting to Ben all to herself. [fun fact: your "bot-mitzvah" is the thirteenth day of being left on continuously.] Ben asks Bender to protect him, but the soda machine busts out the Certificate of Abandonment. [the moths coming after Fry at night was funny.] Bender busts out Ben and they're on the run, but the police are soon on to them. [geez, that "quit whimpering or you don't get kidnapped" line was a bit much! I did like the dam/damn, grate/great thing, tho.] They're caught and the soda machine announces that she'll be chaining Ben to a radiator... until she births a baby that looks like the police officer, when she's willing to give up Ben as she has another baby she can neglect. [holymotherofGod... this is SO horrible!]

Even though he's been reunited with Bender, Ben is still bummed that he can't bend things, so the Professor suggests that he could remove the memory card to give Ben a bending card. They go for it, but Ben has no memory anymore. [awwww.] A glowing Fry leads everyone through the universe to take Ben to Bending State, Santa Cruz, to wrap up everything with a "Merry college registration day, everyone!" [...wow. just wow.]

Futurama "A Farewell to Arms" (S07E02): Fry and Leela are out for a walk when she steps into a puddle and an octopus attacks her. [you know, all in a day in New New York!] The Professor is launching a weather balloon to gather more data, accidentally bringing Fry's only pair of pants with it. [so many possible things to say here...] Fry shoots down the balloon to save his bottoms, but a badger steals the pants and brings them down a hole. Fry lubes up and follows, only to find petroglyphs. [nobody else needed grease to get through the hole??] Leela breaks her leg but Fry gets his pants back... though now has no other clothing, having removed his to build a rope to climb down to rescue Leela. [one of those moments where you're just shaking your head...] They find a pyramid and bring back a big Mayan/Martian calendar, which Amy reads to say that the world will end in 3012, which fits a bit with the catastrophic sun cycle that the weather balloon detected. [what's with the dig on Tron: Legacy?] Amy finds out that there's a special rocketship underground that they might be able to use to save themselves. ["I used to drive around town in a mausoleum." ... what the...??] The Professor wants to save others, too, but Zapp shows up and stops them, bringing them before Nixon and the heads, who decide that a "selection machine" will choose who will go. [not that it's impartial.. Amy gets in because she was in the same sorority as the machine, and Fry gets in because the machine likes his pants.] Leela isn't accepted because they don't need multiple pilots, and Zapp is already on-board.

They load the ship and take off, thirty thousand people in tow! Bender stays behind because there's going to be chaos. [haha. bender going overboard with the looting was stupid, though.] In an act of love, Fry takes Leela's picture and changes it so that she gets on, only realizing later that he's not present. [but he got "accepted again" and a second ticket... so why weren't they both aboard?] After landing on Mars, they build a city, complete with a monument for the scared people they left behind. [freaky. though not as disturbing as Amy's parents trying to charge people admission to the planet.] SingingWind, a Native Martian, shows up to let them know that it's Mars that's getting destroyed, not Earth! He takes off as Amy defends her misreading of the calendar. [...oops!] Mars begins to be blasted out of its orbit, but everyone jumps at the right time and makes it... except Leela, who can't jump. [you're KIDDING me... this is so ridiculous! but I laughed at "pina skulladas" !] Fry tries to save Leela but rips out her arm, losing his almost immediately afterward. In the end, the janitor saves Leela and the Professor clones some arms for them, while their own severed arms float off into space, holding hands.

Pregnant in Heels: Twins, Vaccines, Clothes...

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

So, I'm rather upset with this show at the moment. I wasn't a giant fan of any of the past few episodes, as I had issues with each couple. Moreover, I sat and watched all three in a row, and, apparently, ended up timing-out on Blogger... so when I didn't finish editing this post until later, I wound up losing almost half of it. Yeah. Sucks. But, as I already mentioned I didn't like the couples being featured, I'm not about to watch that garbage for a second time. So, my apologies, but there are bits missing, particularly with the second and third episodes covered below. Life goes on... even though you click "save" apparently doesn't mean it saves... there's a hidden "time-out" feature... just be aware. ::grumble, grumble, grumble::

Pregnant in Heels "The Trouble with Twins" (S02E04): LT learns about c-section underwear. Rosie asks her son if he thinks that she talks funny, and he nods. [odd.]

Client #1: Corrie & Philip are in their late thirties and are expecting fraternal girls any day. She's Jewish (complete with a mother ready to move-in to help), he's German, and they're not prepared at all. She hasn't read much about twins at all. [that would terrify me... maybe that's why she hasn't prepared?] Rosie is worried that the parents aren't panicked. They have a few dressers in the nursery, but no cribs or anything. [no.cribs. and they're due any.day. eep!] The plan is that Philip will buy everything while Corrie is recovering in the hospital. [what kind of plan is that??] Rosie takes them and Corrie's mom, Lucie, to Twiniversity, and a bunch of real twins are brought in. Lucie takes over quite often, which frustrates Rosie and doesn't give Corrie a chance to work on her skills. [325 as the bath temperature?? ayayay. one load per baby per day? really?] Rosie then brings in a nursery expert/interior designer. Lucie thinks that Philip is boring, as he likes eggshell as a wall color and doesn't want any shapes on the walls. Rosie brings Corrie some toddler twins to spend the day with, and she and Lucie must change, dress, and feed the children, plus do some laundry. Rosie talks to Lucie about Corrie and Philip needing her, even though there's some worries about her being overbearing. The new nursery works out great for the family. Later, babies Charlotte and Noa are benefiting from Lucie's help, and Corrie is finding everything manageable. There's no leaving for Lucie in sight, though. [ha!]

Client #2: Nia (36 weeks pregnant) and Chris live in Brooklyn. Nia, a veteran model, wants a toxin-free environment, as she describes herself as "green," "Bohemian chic," and "crunchy granola." [oh boy. you guys already know that I'm sick of her...] Chris has been talking to her about vaccines, but Nia doesn't believe in them- she wants to do natural stuff and believes in natural immunities keeping a child safe. [simultaneous eye roll, guys!] Rosie introduces a "green team" to test their environment and talk about green, holistic parenting. Nia gets brought down fast as she's told about all of the junk in her home, like her makeup, cleaning products, and microwave usage. Rosie and Nia visit some young kids of her other clients, and Rosie talks about germs and shows them on the kids' hands. She then asks Nia if she'd be okay with her newborn daughter being around someone with polio, and she says yes - Nia believes that her child could fight off that stuff. [what makes her kid so special?] Nia talks about vaccines being antiquated and protocol at this point, so Rosie sets them up with one of Manhattan's top pediatricians, and Nia is ready to fight. Nia explains that breastmilk establishes immunities, but the doctor explains that antibodies aren't made on your own. The doctor explains that there ARE outbreaks of pertussis and polio again, and that worldwide travel spreads these things now more than ever. [Nia's belted outfit was SO ugly!] Chris tries to be the voice of reason, and the pediatrician tells a true story of procrastinating on a certain vaccine, which left her son with a 50/50 chance of living at one point. In the end, baby Isa has all non-toxic toys and will be vaccinated. [I wonder if they would have included Nia's story if she had chosen not to vaccinate...]

No Mummy IQ. 

Pregnant in Heels "Rosie's Relationship Retreat" (S02E05): Rosie isn't the greatest cook, but she thinks she can make anything. [why this scene is even included, I'm not sure.]

Client #1: Susan & Marcel are in their early thirties and she's feeling frumpy, so she's been avoiding sex. She doesn't feel attractive or sexy and he is missing the affection. She has 11 weeks to go and isn't even game to try some different sexual positions. 

Client #2: Jennifer and Curtis want an over-the-top baby shower in Bergen County, NJ... the most expensive zip code in the US. [wow, higher than 90210? ;) but, problematically, we see very little of the shower itself and NONE of the planning - both of which I thought would have been interesting.] She loves fashion. They met in May, married in December, and are snippy with one another. She knows that she's loud and demanding, and admits that she did move out for a little while. They have two months to go and she's had an easy pregnancy. She wants a c-section but didn't know you can't have sex for six weeks afterward, and neither is sure they can last that long. 

Well, Rosie brings both couples to the Dominican Republic and has them do couples' prenatal yoga to get things started. Marcel can't keep his hands off Susan, which only makes her shut down even more. So, Rosie sends the boys to play golf while she goes with the ladies to do some shopping (at the Oscar de la Renta boutique) and get prenatal massages. Marcel and Susan then have a dance lesson to teach them more about movement and touching, while Jennifer has to have a meal with a sash over her mouth, so she is forced to listen to Curtis for a change. Everyone learns some stuff and has a great time.

Photo: Bravo

No Mummy IQ.

Pregnant in Heels "Dressing the Diva" (S02E06): 
Client #1: Patrice is an uber-busy expectant mother who can't find anything she likes in any stores - she has a bad impression associated with anything labeled "maternity." She doesn't do prints or embellishments, and although she only has about six weeks remaining in her pregnancy, she wants Rosie to design several outfits for her - casual, dressy, and red-carpet-worthy. Rosie does her best, and a few of her designs actually pass the test, particularly a specially-designed pair of leather pants, Patrice's trademark look.

Client #2: Busy husband Alex calls Rosie for help with his wife, Elizabeth. She's pregnant with #3 and is a stay-at-home mother. Well, Elizabeth has gotten to the point where she wears boring sweatpants all the time, doesn't shower regularly, and sometimes goes a week without leaving the house. Rosie comes in, sees that Elizabeth has great clothing that she never wears, and convinces her to take the time to do things for herself. Rosie's assistant helps Alex find a babysitter, which will allow Elizabeth to take in some adult conversation and activity from time to time, plus give the couple a chance to take dance lessons, among other things.

Mummy IQ: stuff about baby's stool and two others I can't remember anymore.

Fun Friday: Beverly Hills, 90210 in GIFs

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Today, we're going to highlight a little something FABULOUS that popped across my Facebook newsfeed this week.

I don't know how the current trend of using GIFs came back into play... I mean, back in 1998, I was just as excited about them as the next person. But, by the time 2002 rolled around, they were pretty much dead. Now, for whatever reason, they're popping up all over again - I even follow someone on Twitter who tweets out GIFs to brighten your day on a semi-regular basis. Well, someone from Australia is all about creating GIFs, and will be using them to go through the episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210!

fox.com/25th-anniversary

Longtime readers know that we're a big fan of the series, and I loved the commentary that Petra put into looking at the camerawork from the pilot of the iconic show. I had never really thought about how much time the show actually spends looking at the signs of the times (though I've commented about the long lead-ins here and there). While I really enjoyed the pilot (don't forget, I'm a sucker for exposition!), this GIF guide offers a more direct look at what it contained - not all that much, in some respects. And, while never a big fan of Scott, I'm kinda surprised that he apparently isn't even given a name in the premiere episode!

Anyway, go take a look, have a good time laughing and reminiscing, and hopefully we'll see new installments over there on Wednesdays!

RETURNING: The Exes

by Amy K. Bredemeyer

Let's start with the new opener... I hate it. The song isn't bad, per se, but the sequence on the screen was not fit to go along with this show. I was pleased to see that Eden didn't have a very large role in this episode, but I presume that will change. It was nice to have fairly equal amounts of screentime for the guys, but that will undoubtedly change. I'm curious as to why they'd lead off the second season by having Stuart, Haskell, and Phil realize that Holly isn't all that great for them... seems to me like that would be better a couple of episodes in... but maybe they've got some better things in store for us that I can't even dream of quite yet. This episode had its merits, don't get me wrong, but it didn't scream "hilarious" the way the first season could.

The Exes "Analyze Them" (S02E01): Stuart goes to Holly to complain about Phil's loudness in the bedroom and Haskell's constant inventions, and she suggests that the three of them attend couples' therapy. [we could have called it something else, but let's just move on...] Phil isn't keen on the idea, and Haskell thinks that families should blame one another for destroying their lives. [haha, love where this is going!] Holly more or less threatens them into giving it a try, and Phil immediately hits on the therapist. [while I realize that they have to keep that character going, I kinda hope that it dulls down just a bit.]

facebook.com/TheExesTV

Stuart takes the therapist's advice to heart, and the guys are making progress... right up until Holly barges in and wants to know what was said in therapy. [that scene seemed a bit forced... we know that the woman is controlling already...] Hesitantly, they mention that Holly may be the problem. Well, that only sends her to the therapist's office to look for notes, but she has to hide in the closet when the group enters the room for another session. [here we go! classic comedic situation!] The therapist says that Holly manipulates the guys into believing that they need her... and her phone rings, so she's found. [eh. coulda done something different, if you ask me.] Holly then tries avoiding the guys, but she tells Eden that her weekend basically revolves around the guys... taking Stuart shopping, hauling Haskell around to look at art, and imposing on Phil's date. [yeah... that is a pretty poor record when you look at it.] Back at the apartment, Phil is getting jiggy with the therapist, who has to hide in a closet when Haskell and Stuart (and then Holly) arrive. [same scenario, ready?] Holly is apologizing for overstepping boundaries when Dr. Carol is discovered, via cell phone ring. [okay, let's all make a mental note: when hiding, the first thing you should do is silence your phone.] She begs them not to tell the state board, and Holly pushes her out. [OF COURSE she already has a warning. but cute ending with Haskell declaring that they're family. :)]

Haskell's get-rich-quick scheme: selling an electrocuting doorknob as a child safety device.